The Devil's Lunchmeat

Things That Don't Make Sense

2009-05-22T20:50:00.002-04:00

I rolled into the workstead on Thurs. all psyched for the long holiday week-end only to find out that a co-worker was murdered and her husband was m.i.a. Essentially, she was found in her home, her throat had been deeply cut and this was the cause of death. Media reports say that it was a gory scene that left officers shaken. This lady was sweet and kind. She wouldn't hurt a fly. Her husband was later found and is charged with second degree murder. Their financial troubles, foreclosure and sale of the home she inherited from her mom made for a tragic mix. She was in my age bracket, a little gangly and goofy but so likeable. Her role was to remove and deliver items from various areas. On her travels she made friends. She was bright, well-read and a hard worker. We could have used 10 of her. She wasn't my best friend but she was a friend nonetheless. This is a profound loss. RIP C.A.S.

How the Hell Have You Been?

2009-04-19T12:55:00.002-04:00

Me? Busier than a one armed paper hanger with hives. Hence no posting. I bought a house, moved, and took on another job in addition to my FT gig. I'll resurrect this blog in the coming weeks so all zero of my fans can stand by for news.

Duly Noted

2008-12-29T21:14:00.008-05:00

I can't remember which tour Henry Rollins said that "duly noted" equals "fuck you". Nonetheless, I filed that nugget away and wouldn't you know it--I had the opportunity to use it not once but twice in one week. It must be old age because I honestly can't remember what prompted me to reply to a snotty e-mail from the PR betch with that phrase the first time. Whatever. But time two is fresh in my mind. I had to establish a schedule for something. I had to check with four people before I could release it. As a courtesy, I included information from another schedule that I produce. The PR betch is just that. And she has overly bleached blonde hair that goes to her waist making her look like a refugee from a Stevie Nicks concert. PR betch mistook a date from one schedule and added it to the events of the other. I straightened that mess out. I also didn't like some wording on a poster so I asked that it be changed. I also asked that something else be added to a particular date. PR betch asks via e-mail that if any more changes are to occur that we talk them over. Granted, the printshop people were getting worked but the main reason was due to the PR betch's original mistake. I wrote a separate e-mail to the print shop thanking them for their extra effort and apologizing that it was required (even though I wasn't the only culprit--left that part out). And of course I responded to PR betch's request with a "duly noted".

Kathie Me Can't Move her Face

2008-12-20T17:46:00.002-05:00

Facebook--My Love Hate Relationship

2008-12-16T21:07:00.001-05:00

I hate Facebook because I was found by family drama. Ugh. Dealt with it but still. Love it cuz I'm friends with former mobster hit man, Henry Hill...

Sucker?

2008-11-24T09:22:00.002-05:00

I keep seeing these Spacebag ads on TV. I'm moving if all works out. I have limited storage and limited closet space so I decided to buy some. Well their Web site works you over. If you're not thinking or not sober, you'll end up buying more crap than you need. I just wanted their basic 7 bag package. Before I knew it, I purchased the 14 bag pack (3 bags free) and I was suckered into rush delivery because regular would've taken 3-4 weeks. They play my kind like Stradivarius--oy vey!

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

2008-11-23T22:15:00.002-05:00

Yes, Virginia, there's a blog --it's too damn funny and Johnny Goo is a favorite.

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Now playing: Alix Dobkin - Living with Lesbians
via FoxyTunes

WT

2008-11-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

Holy Shit!

Buffalo's Architectural Splendor

2008-11-16T12:14:00.002-05:00

Sunday New York Times

With any luck,this country mouse will soon be a city mouse. After years of renting, I hope to buy something in the Queen City. Sit tight.

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Now playing: Thin Lizzy - Buffalo Gal
via FoxyTunes

Nader Gives Advice to Obama/ Local Viewers Give Advice to TV Bimbos

2008-11-07T11:23:00.003-05:00

First things first...“My advice to Obama is to try and organise his people, because from day one he’s going to be a prisoner of the giant corporations, who control the government he presides over. There will be a lot of economic crisis, wars in Iraq and on the Afghanistan-Pakistani border, and growing unemployment. So he doesn’t have much room to maneuver, unless he builds more political energy among the people. Does he have a personality for that? No, he doesn’t have a challenging personality, he has an accommodating personality to power and that doesn’t spell very good news for the American people. he is very belligerent toward Russia, toward Iran, towards the Afghanistan-Pakistani border. Barack Obama’s foreign policy will be very much like George W. Bush’s second term. If anybody thinks otherwise, they better be prepared to be disappointed,” Nader said.

Found this local anchor clothing commentary while Googling a local TV person who's leaving but staying local. I was trying to figure out where she's going. Just check Allen Arrogant's column in the da News if I really want to know. Anyway, the comments on Mary Alice are priceless...

"Clothing and accessories are a problem across the board in this town...yesterday Jodi Johnston had on a long beaded necklace wrapped around her neck 3 times that looked like she had just arrived home from Mardi Gras. Mary Alice always looks like her husband held up the jewelry store in Bedrock for their last anniversary. Let's not even discuss Linda Pellegrino's attire. I think she's really into Quacker Factory though."

Tool for the Campaign

2008-11-06T09:40:00.005-05:00

This poor dummy was busted on a college campus for celebrating the Obama/Biden win by cranking up his car stereo during an impromptu celebration. Besides being a walking campaigning advert, he also plans on enrolling in the army. Sad. See story here.

I pulled the lever for McKinney/Clemente and promptly mouthed the phrase, "Whoop Ass!!" upon doing so. I knew she'd lose but I had to give her some props. 665 people in Erie County voted for her. Too bad we didn't get one more. A little more than 1,000 voted for Nader.

Getting My Vote On...

2008-11-04T09:36:00.005-05:00

I live in NYS so the the lesser of the two evils i.e. Barack Obama should win. If I lived in the "must win" states, I'd vote for Obama (but I'd hold my nose while I did so). In 2004, I held my nose and voted for John Kerry. I feared that voter fraud would negate my vote so I went with the flow.I'm more confident now so I can vote my conscious even though it means getting comments such as "you wasted your vote". No, just because I voted for a 3rd party candidate who was not invited to the table to debate doesn't mean my vote is a waste. It allows me to support someone who's stance reflects my own beliefs even if they don't have a chance in hell. Isn't that the American way?

I don't like McCain/Palin--plain and simple. There is nothing to like. Obama isn't a bad guy. Compared to what we're dealing with now he looks like a knight in shining armor but he and Biden aren't that far off from the Republicans. Obama/Biden talk a good game but in the end, they are beholden to nearly the same masters/financial interests that McCain/Palin are. Obama/Biden just seem more benign.

My choice? Cynthia "Whoop Ass" McKinney and Rosa Clemente of the Green Party. Why? Ron Paul couldn't get on the ballot nor could Dennis Kucinich (raised 35 articles of impeachment against Bush) so I can't vote for either of them. I could do a write-in but I have another choice. As a Congresswoman in 2004, Cynthia opened her can of whoop ass on Donald Rumsfeld and called him on the DynCorp shenanigans. Private mercenaries getting their sex trade on---PIGS who kept Pentagon contracts while they did this:

She's a homegirl who's willing to throwdown and make mincemeat out Rummy. She spoke out on the aftereffects of Katrina:
http://www.democracynow.org/2006/2/16/georgia_rep_cynthia_mckinney_blasts_government

I believe I am being radical in supporting a Black woman and an Hispanic woman for president and vice president. When the peeps start bitching "Where's the change?", I can be satisfied that I didn't vote for the mainstream. And I'm in good company.

Facebook Etiquette

2008-11-02T09:23:00.005-05:00

I don't really know if there is such a thing but...while surfing the site, an ex's profile came up. I honestly stumbled upon it by accident. He had some Facebook Friends that I was or am also friends with. I cherry picked the ones that I really liked and extended friends invites. Did I breech Facebook etiquette if there is such a thing?

Getting Personal

2008-11-01T09:57:00.003-04:00

I have never done online personals in hopes of finding a man. I've heard many success stories but you have to do a lot of sifting. It's almost like a part-time job. Between my full-time gig, an upcoming part-time gig, and house hunting, I just don't have the time. But I do have time for a good laugh. Yahoo made their personals accessible so I entered for a giggle and found one. I chose loverboy below because I could tell by the mini-picture that a female had been cropped out. Typical move.

See?

I'm all inch-high private eye. Not worth my time.

Chiclet Teeth

2008-10-24T21:21:00.002-04:00

Gary Busey rules!

Flops Mosh Pit

2008-10-18T18:43:00.004-04:00

It's no secret that I hate shopping at Flops Communist Supermarkets. It was a mosh pit for some reason--apparently all day as the frazzled workers indicated. Anyway, I grabbed a stubby cart and purchased cat food (what else?), cat treats (ditto), cat litter and two four packs of Johnnie Ryan soda (with real sugar). The lines were so ridiculous that I stood parallel to the registers behind a little old lady. Another register suddenly opened. A man yelled, "Mother, Mother another register is opening c'mon up!" She started to move when a little, middle-aged women who may have been standing in what she perceived to be a line started making skeevy gestures. Hanging with my NYC peeps has taught me to watch for people on the make. The old lady got in ahead of her son. The son and his mate looked at me as if I was going to make trouble. I said, "Go ahead, sir."--I wasn't about to interfere with someone extending a kindness to an elderly person, especially their own mom. I firmly planted myself behind them. A short, middle-aged woman looked up at me and declared, "You weren't in line."

"Yes, I was. I was standing behind that elderly lady who just went ahead." Another couple tried to argue with me about where they were in line but I stood my ground. They turned out to be okay and lived with the situation.

Shorty looked at the contents of my cart and said, "How rude. I only have one thing." (Like I had 42 things and was violating the "15 items or less" edict) As she started to walk away, I said, "You weren't in line. You were walking around!" It was the God's honest truth. The way I saw it, Ms. Biznitch thought she could just cut because she didn't have a cart. Just because you're schlepping some crummy store made rolls doesn't give you the right to get in my way. I'm tired of being taken for some dope who will just give in as someone violates my space. I hope those rolls join the others on your hips and ass you dried up old TWA Tea!

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Now playing: The Clash - Lost in the Supermarket
via FoxyTunes

Brolin v. Brolin

2008-10-16T21:00:00.001-04:00

I've always thought James Brolin was way hot. It started when I was a youngster staying up "late" to catch Marcus Welby, M.D. just to check out Dr. Steven Kiley. I kept tabs on him over the years. I congratulated Babs aka Barbra Streisand for getting herself some good eats when they got hitched. But unfortunately, the apple seems to fall far from the tree when it comes to his son Josh Brolin. He seems to be hitting his stride as an actor in "No Country for Old Men" and the forthcoming "W" but he's just not cute. It's a real disappointment! He sort of looks like his dad but upon further inspection, his eyes are too close together. No soft spot for him but I am looking forward to "W". I wish I could look forward to his dad coming over to my house in about an hour...

Mug Shots--Major League Busts

2008-10-14T20:42:00.004-04:00

The Smoking Gun has done it again with a salute to Major League Baseball! Don't miss out on the three hot tranny messes from suburban NYC!

County Executive Botox

2008-10-10T11:54:00.004-04:00

I love a man who's vain enough to get his face chemicalized into a permanent state of puzzlement but won't spring to get the bags around his neck rectified. What a tool!

Bugger or Booger Off!

2008-10-07T20:46:00.005-04:00

In the midst of a fun week-end; Vietnamese grub (reet-reet) at Pho 99, Religulous--Bill Maher's take on all things Judeo-Christian, and watching Willie Nile at the Lafayette Tap Room, my sinuses decided to do a number on me! I had a raging headache until last night at about this time. Mucinex D is like manna from heaven--yeah it dries out my mouth and I'm constantly whizzing but at least it minimizes the thunderous earache and headache that my sinuses cause.

As I suffered through Monday, I learned that some big governmental muckety mucks lunched with some of the higher ups at work. One is a tool who's all about privatizing while the other isn't judicious about where he uses his married tool. It was amusing to learn that ringers were being sought from the staff to make the workstead's cafe look busy. Monday is their slow day. In this economy most of my peeps have cut back on lunching there--it's nice but the cost adds up. The muckety mucks lunched in what used to be "bum's row". Before they moved the furniture, it was lined up along the perimeter of the cafe. Those who could afford to eat were center stage while the homeless and the run of the mill crazies sat in what were newer chairs looking in. It was a creepy scene and almost surreal. A microcosm of the real world--those who can afford it chow down and ignore Buffalo's underbelly as they look on. It was really uncomfortable--I sort of stopped eating in the cafe because of it. Now they've been relegated to the window area way across the hall. They get a nice view and the cafe customers do, too. Nonetheless, the governmental types better wake up. Those bums could become the majority if the economy continues going the way it is.

I made it through the work day to tend to my night time duties. A book discussion event. I helped work the door. We had our usual gang of idiots mixed in with the mostly nice people that show up. Earlier in the day, my liberrian senses told me that the set up at the door was going to be a hassle. The table for donations, etc. blocks a ramp that the handicapped could use. The retired staff member who runs the event doesn't seem to give a damn. I guess he skipped out the door before the long arm of ADA compliance reached him.

I was sitting at the offending table in my misery but trying to be pleasant. I smiled and said "hello" to an older woman who moved at a steady clip while carrying a cane with four prongs. She seemed okay so I didn't say anything. A lot of disabled people don't like it when you fuss over them. They usually say something or look very troubled as they try to move. Those are my cues to jump in and help. As she walked by she said, "Think of yourself, dear." When my ear is plugged due to sinus problems, I constantly ask people to repeat themselves. So I asked and I received. I looked at her and said quite puzzled, "What makes you say that?" She proceeded to bark about the ramp being blocked. I offered to move and interrupted Mr. Retiree's conversation with Betchbag (an organization member who treats me like a 'Girl Friday'--she seems to think I'm young and stupid, I know I think she's old, obnoxious, and petty) by loudly saying, "Excuse me, that lady needs help!" She kept moving and claimed an aisle seat toward the back of the room. The reality is the ramp would've have taken her out of her way. Those two steps while possibly painful meant less walking. She was just being abusive--she's bitter about her condition and takes the arrangement as a personal affront. She complained previously but it fell on deaf ears. I was really offended by her remark as I frequently hold doors for many people and if I see a disabled person struggle, I do my best to help. The old bitch ended up dozing off during the presentation. Hmmmph!

She managed to leave without trouble and I was glad to see her go. I noticed a lady in a people cart with oxygen tubes. I was proactive and approached her about moving the table. Despite all that was wrong with her, she was very pleasant, thanked me and said that her husband would help her. Your attitude determines your latitude as Kanye would say.

I got the hell out of there as soon as possible and exchanged my Mucinex DM Maximum Strength for the Mucinex D. Of course, I had to present my license and sign off on my purchase of pseudoephedrine because in the name of narco-terrorism, I could be setting up a meth lab instead of suffering like hell with an earache/headache. The "Combat Methamphetamine Epidemic Act of 2005" was rolled into the USA Patriot and Improvement Act of 2005. Oh yeah invade my privacy that will keep me safe from the bogeyman or was that the booger man?

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Now playing: Government Issue - Asshole
via FoxyTunes,

Douchebags!

Kardio Mix This Betch!

2008-10-02T20:46:00.005-04:00

I recently made my triumphant return to the gym. I've been going several times a week mixing cardio and weight lifting. It's made me feel and look better. I decided to take an exercise through community education just to try and challenge myself. I attended this evening and I was not prepared at all. I arrived right on time and this Tazmanian Devil instructor was already worked up into a lather with everyone jumping and bouncing around. The music was loud and she was shrill with a Baaahflo accent. She would perform moves but provide very little instruction or explanation on how to execute them. Her moves were complicated and it was hard to see what she was doing. After awhile, I stood arms akimbo and at one point hand on hip ghetto style before I grabbed my shiznit and headed for the fitness center. I was so disappointed! I did the rowing machine and lifted some weights while I observed a "Stronger Bones Better Bodies" class. Gone was the frenetic pace, bad music, and Sgt. Betchbag orders. They were actually laughing and having fun while doing weight and balancing work. Since I can't get my $ back, I asked if I could switch to that class instead.
Six minutes 'til pitbull with douche starts...

Word Up, Wanda!!

2008-09-26T00:20:00.003-04:00

I should be going to bed but I can't help but share my excitement over the nomination of Wanda Jackson to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! Granted, there are a lot of people who argue about who should be there e.g. it ain't Mike Rite's R&RHF until KISS makes it but it is the way we pay homage to music stars of recent history.

Back in March of this year, the Buffalo Niagara Film Festival featured a film about Wanda Jackson The Sweet Lady with the Nasty Voice. They also brought her to town for Q&A and a concert. I couldn't think of anyone else who would go to this event so I got myself a ticket and went. I bought an autographed photo of her and got to shake her hand. Sooo cool. Something told me to make every effort to go and I'm so glad I did!! The photo above is a little a harsh but trust me, she is a sweet, elegant lady who still rocks. The pink guitar is part of a line with her name on it. Elvis Costello has been making the case for her induction and all I can say is it's about damn time. Congratulations Wanda!!!

Chong Bong and a Ding Dong

2008-09-21T11:41:00.002-04:00

I recently finished Tommy Chong's Cheech and Chong: the Unauthorized Biography. Although a little self-serving, it was an interesting read on a comedy duo who had a lot of influence in the 1970's and 1980's. Anyway, Chong says he and the Governator, Schwarzenegger, used to rock the ganga. TMZ got Arnuld to admit to it...

A Morning in the Suburbs of Baaaahflo

2008-09-20T10:34:00.009-04:00

I love where I live. So does everyone else because as a single female of limited means I'm outpriced when it comes to buying property. Unless a miracle happens but those are few and far between. For the time being, I enjoy where I live because it's fairly quiet and very idyllic. I recently left Sally Maxipad Fitness Centers, aka Bally Matrix (old name) now Bally Total Fitness. Click here for my review. Anyway, I joined a gym near my place and it is great! The equipment is nothing fancy but the locker room is spotless, the clientele is nice and doesn't bother you, and I get there more often since it's close by.
I started off this morning with a weightlifting work out. I had to head over to Slops Communist Supermarkets for cat treats, pomegranate juice, and unbeknownst to me organic cookies (pseudo oreos) from the healthy market section. I knew I was entering a "war zone" i.e. the Farmer's Market on Saturday morning after 9 a.m. Mid-morning 'til mid day is when the potpourri of the white 'burbs materialize. Senior citizens, families with their crotchfruit and strollers in tow, kids, teens, etc. etc. Recently, Slops placed signs in the fire lanes indicating that they should remain clear, no pick ups or drop offs. A BMW in front of me pulls into the fire lane forcing me to drive around his vehicle, which is sticking out. I drive by and resist the temptation to beep and instead shake my head. I find a spot and Mr. BMW drives by and I shake my head again and give him some stink eye with sunglasses. I resent people of any socioeconomic status who insist that their needs trump the flow of traffic but I really hate it when some well-moneyed jerk off does this. There are plenty of these people in my neck of the woods.

I went into the store and ran into Mr. BMW who recognized me as the girl who dared to give him stink eye. This time I gave it to him without my sunnies. He didn't say a word but I was ready for him. I don't know if it even registered that he shouldn't drop off in a fire lane. I thought that maybe whoever he dropped off had health problems but then immediately thought that if they did, it's time to get a handicapped permit. Pride be demanded. If you can afford the car, you can obtain the permit. He was a short, little, older man who looked like he wasn't used to be called on anything. For future reference, maybe the signs should be more explicit:

No fat people drop off--walk a little, you might lose some weight.
No elderly drop off--get a proper permit that allows you to park closer or at least a license plate indicating your status so others can be forgiving of your circumstances.

I grabbed my items and strolled toward the Farmer's Market to get in the fray for some quality produce. I stopped at a table that was dedicated to conserving open space. The gentleman at the table was busy talking so I asked the lady if this effort was to prevent more subdivisions and new builds. The gentleman quickly jumped in to say this wasn't a prevention effort per se but...we agreed that ultimately protection of open space would prevent this suburban sprawl. I signed on. Granted, I probably won't live here too much longer but this area is quaint and shouldn't be ruined by nouveau riche trash. I purchased some beautiful Roma tomatoes, a sunflower, a "storage" onion--the flavor is very pungent but diminishes the longer you keep it or when it is cooked, and some Yukon Gold potatoes. I also indulged in some homemade chocolate/peanut butter fudge and peanut brittle. Mmmm-mmm.

My suburban morning has quickly turned into an afternoon. I'll leave you with a lovely photo of an unruly Bills fan being hauled out of the audience. Bloodied and full of Genesee Screamers or Bud Light and wondering where he'll find the money to pay his fine...Da Bills!!!

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Now playing: Armed & Hammered - Beer
via FoxyTunes

Holy Cats!

2008-09-18T17:07:00.003-04:00

Check it--two fat cat reports. The last one is from China. Methinks they're fattening the cat up for their version of Thanksgiving.

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Now playing: Marc Almond - Cats
via FoxyTunes

Buffalo's Afternoon "Rush" Hour (or Flush Hour as the case may be)

2008-09-16T21:04:00.007-04:00

Yes, I'm writing about something that sort of doesn't exist. Real rush hours happen in larger cities with populations that are busting a move for a train, subway, bus, etc. However, I work in downtown Buffalo and like clockwork you can count on the main thoroughfares being crowded at key times of the day. For example the 33 or Kensington Expressway, the Skyway, or in my case Oak St. to the 190 S ramp.

View Larger Map

Picture this--homesquirrel i.e. me didn't have the opportunity to dump at work due to a lack of time or the Oz style County bathrooms didn't provide me with the privacy needed to take care of bidness. So I'm packing some serious fudge... I feel that slow downward descent that's heading for my exit. It's under control but just not super comfortable. I hit Oak St. and that's where the nightmare begins. Nobody knows how to navigate Oak as it approaches the 190S ramp and Seneca St. If you want the 190, your best bet is to stay to the right and allow traffic in the left lane to turn onto Seneca. Of course, no one stays organized, drivers block intersections along Oak after the light turns red, etc. Whenever I've got to download, inevitably there's an accident or jam on Oak St. or the 190 that prevents me from getting to the comfort of my turlet in an efficient manner. This prompts an O.J. Simpson style hurdle as I jump over the cat and run down the hallway to my throne when I arrive at my castle.

There was some smash up derby action at Oak and Seneca, which snarled up traffic as police and emergency crews were called in. If there was audio from my car, you'd hear, "Aw dammit, c'mon! I gotta poo!" I waded my way through the snarl and the volume to finally reach the 190. Drivers don't seem to understand how to merge from that Oak St. ramp onto the 190. Most have this idea that they can immediately merge to the center or left lanes without building up the speed needed to keep up with drivers who are moving at 55 to 65 (if not more) mph. This creates lines as the pussies try to stay in the right lane while the retards make life miserable for center and left lane drivers. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad today. Needless to say I was happy to see my commode but I don't think it was too happy to see me. Puck-ding!

p.s. check out these ridiculous dudes making out as Lehman Bros. goes down the turlet.

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Now playing: Iggy Pop - No Shit
via FoxyTunes

Olbermann Rocks

2008-09-12T14:11:00.003-04:00

Amen brutha!

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Now playing: Paris - What Would You Do?
via FoxyTunes

Freaky Friday

2008-09-07T09:53:00.006-04:00

Howdy Neighbor,
We were both leaving the apartment complex where I live and where I think you live. You drove ahead, reached the top of the driveway and turned left. You didn't use your signal but I didn't expect you to. You had your cell phone perched between your scrunched up shoulder and your ear. We reached the end of the street, stopped for the stop sign and proceeded to the next light. It turned green but the conversation must have been really interesting because you stopped under the green light. I looked to see if someone or something was in your way. Your inability to multi-task is what made you grind to a halt. I hit the horn. You stuck your head out the window and gave me a "what for?!" look. I pointed at the light to try and communicate that it was green. Then I made a phone out of my pinkie and index fingers and placed it near my ear followed by a hang up motion. You made "blah, blah" stop lecturing me about driving and talking gestures. I made "you look like a dumb girl blathering on the phone" gestures. You responded by flipping me your dirty finger--literally, your hand was grubby. I kept the dumb girl on phone bit going as you drove. You dead stopped in the street so I'd have to hit the brakes. I beeped in response. We approached the traffic circle. You were first but I had my single on first. I guess you can't be responsible for making the right moves at the right time when you're busy talking on the phone *and* yelling at me because you were in the wrong. You were nice enough to use your left turning signal when you hit the Rite Aid. I made a "eat my TWA-tea" gesture with my fingers and mouth.

Was any of this necessary? Granted, I shouldn't of indulged in the childish gesture bit but I am so over people who make their phone priority 1. If you love your phone that much, get a headset so you can drive and talk. Even better, stay home and talk. I had to go to work. He probably had to hit Rite Aid to pick up some crab lice meds. I will applaud myself for not flipping him off.

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Now playing: Johnny Cash - Drive On
via FoxyTunes

(Non) Labor Day

2008-09-01T11:42:00.003-04:00

Nothing like time off. Well deserved and much needed. I've been exercising but I've also been baking. I checked out cookie porn aka cookie madness and found a Rachel Ray recipe called "Coco Loco". Reeeeet! I made the coconut and almond brownies for a picnic that I attended yesterday and they were a success! I walked to the store to get the coconut as I needed some exercise. I got behind a chubby lady who appeared to be done shopping until her equally chubby hubby (not ice cream) showed up with some shit bag soda--generic and dayglo orange--ugh! They passed it practically in front of my face without so much as an apology or an "excuse me". All I could think was "soda, you definitely need more soda!". These people weren't much older than me and they are on their way to fatslobhood! So sad. I queued up practically on her back, which earned me a porky look. I hated to be betchy but don't add unnecessary items to the tail end of your transaction, not apologize, and then get offended 'cuz I'm ready for my overdue transaction. People are self-centered, Buffalonians forget anyone else exists when a feedbag is on the agenda.

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Now playing: Violent Femmes - Fat
via FoxyTunes

Feces @ Your Library/ Ain't No Stopping Us Now...

2008-08-29T10:37:00.008-04:00

It's a two-fer or two mints in one. On Monday, I walked out of my work area and a horrible smell permeated the hall. No surprise as I'm not too far from the public restrooms and sometimes it just smells like urine/ass. The floors are rather mottled in coloration--think a calico cat. I looked down as I walked and saw something the size of a Baby Ruth that blended into the floor. Naahh--it couldn't be....sho'nuff! Feces! I returned to my office, called maintenance and told them in the most delicate way that they had a job to do. I learned later that the maintenance guy had to follow the "trail of tears" because Mr. Download let loose on the first floor, too! It brought back NYC memories of "shake, rattle, and roll" or as Paulie warned me, bums who couldn't or wouldn't find a bathroom who would let the solid byproduct roll down their pant legs. Many people think public libraries are so genteel. Considering that there are fewer and fewer resources for the indigent and/or mentally ill we get all kinds of crazy shit--quite literally!

Speaking of shit, newsflash Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is John McCain's running mate! If he wins, we could have our first female president by default! Palin is anti-choice, which means trouble for women in their childbearing years. Quite frankly, once again this is a contest between Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich. Neither candidate does anything for me--they're essentially the same. My protest vote goes to Cynthia McKinney
She won't win but I can actually support her.

Which leads me to the Obama speech last night at the DNC. The major networks had little/nothing to do with the convention, which really surprised me. I guess "Wife Swap" and the "Greatest American Dog" should take precedence over what happens in the political arena...anyway... While we were waiting for his appearance, music was played. "Ain't No Stopping Us Now" was on and the reactions were hi-fuckin'-larious! The camera panned to some of the whitest people EVER who either got down in a robotic way or didn't do anything. After awhile, synchronized flag waving in time to the song reigned supreme over the white folk. Meanwhile, various sista squirrelfriends and bruthamen were mouthing the words and shakin' their boo-tay, totally reprazentin'! Thank God! I realize the DNC is pretty soulless but jeez. They also played what I call the Paul Wellstone funeral theme..."Love Train". I say it's his funeral theme because when they had a funeral service for him, his wife and daughter who perished in a plane crash, they played the song over and over and over until everything was in place. Whenever I hear it, I think of Wellstone.

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Now playing: McFadden and Whitehead - Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now
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I'm Getting to the Point Where...

2008-08-24T11:12:00.008-04:00

The Buffalo Brewfest moved its annual event to the HSBC arena. All the other venues that they've used in the past have been too small and overcrowded. Ahh the arena...spreading out so far and wide. Not. They opted to use the hallway rather than the wide open space that the arena would have provided. I'd like to know who the brain surgeon was that decided to advertise the event on rock radio (which guaranteed frat boy mook douches would attend in droves) and then stuff everyone into a hallway. I felt like I was back in college at Goodbar getting that simulated birth canal feeling as I carefully navigate a crowd of drunks. My sinuses were acting up and the air conditioning was trumped by the sheer volume of people. All in all I tried some good beers e.g. McNeil's Scottish Ale (cask condition) from Flying Bison and Cascazilla from Ithaca Beer Company along with a few stouts and porters from vendors that I'd have to look up. We escaped to the upper level to get some air periodically. I'm trying not to be too much of a fuddy duddy but I'm at the point that where I'm less tolerant. My co-worker who I hung out with at this event lets his love of beer outweigh his hatred of crowds. He's older than I am so good for him. Anyway, when serving quality microbrews, allow participants to spread out and sit down if need be. Don't bother with a dj who plays shitty music. Make the event civilized and the frat boys will either get the idea or leave.

As someone who has to interact with the public, I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of people's bad manners and lack of consideration dominate. I'm in the middle of helping someone. Another patron interrupts to let me know that they're done with something and leaving it on the book truck next to my desk. They want to use my pen when we have free golf pencils for them to use and a machine that dispenses pens for 0.25. I tend to be on the Howard Hughes and Howard Stern side and don't like germy strangers touching my belongings. I buy my own pens and bring them to work because the office supply pens are lame.

Democracy Now reported on Trouble the Water ,which chronicles the Roberts before during and after Katrina. Kimberly and her husband Scott were 9th ward residents of New Orleans. Kimberly, an aspiring rapper, purchased a video camera off the street days before the storm and shot some amazing footage. They met the directors of Trouble while staying at a Red Cross shelter. They agreed to let the directors follow them as they rebuilt their lives. Kimberly's insider footage is powerful. The film opened in L.A. and N.Y. I hope it comes to Buffalo, I'd really like to see it. The Roberts tell how they tried to get shelter at a nearby military barracks but were turned away during the storm! Recalling Katrina puts my beer tasting complaints into perspective.

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Now playing: Louis Armstrong - Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans
via FoxyTunes

There's a Bad Moon on the Rise...

2008-08-14T20:55:00.007-04:00

Oy vey! What a day! Let me back track to say that my sinuses have been driving me crazy with all the rain that we've been getting over the last few days. I had a lot of ear pain since last Friday so I decided to try and see my doctor. I couldn't get in until today at 8:45am. Keep in mind that I was scheduled to close at work (12-8pm) and I didn't feel like wasting the gas and time to drive home and back from downtown. She diagnosed me with Eustachian Tube Dysfunction. Essentially short of moving there's not much I can do other than heavily medicate myself with allergy meds, ibuprofen, and mucinex.

I was at a local coffee shop by 9am. Back in the old days, I would've gone in and started working on something but after the layoff, I'm careful about staying overtime. Why bother when it doesn't count for anything? I had plenty to do for myself--a book I needed to read for a discussion group that I'll be hosting, planning a class that I'll teach in the the Spring, etc. I took to the back room of the coffee shop and proceeded to get comfortable when some toddlerish (4 or5 years old) crotch fruit came running back. Of course they decided to sit near me. Mom must've sent them ahead. Sure enough she and an older woman followed. Things quieted down once the feedbag was presented. I figured if they continue to behave, I could stay. Of course, mom's discussion of her artistic production and her advisor's recommendations were just a bit too much for the little darling. He fussed so he and his sister were sent to a nearby table. Just as he was getting to ready to leave, I leaned down to get something out of my bag when I heard a fart about two feet from my face. I jumped back and said, "Excuse you". He looked a bit puzzled and acted as if he didn't do anything. Thankfully, mom didn't catch my comment because I really couldn't tell her with a straight face that her kid just farted in my general direction. It was at that point that I decided to relocate. Between the chatter and the butt trumpet, my idyllic oasis just wasn't working out. Why do pretentious adults think that kids should hang out in coffee shops?

Work was uneventful until about 6pm. My co-worker reported that a crazy lady just started a negative discussion about Buffalonians and their attitude--nobody wants to help her no matter where she goes, they just call security and throw her out. Danger Will Robinson Danger! She went on to say that she's from Miami and that down there they also do the same. She proceeded to ask about Buffalo's history. He found answers but recommended that she check out another department. She was pushing her own wheelchair but did not want to travel down the hall. She wanted him to call the department on her behalf. Apparently, this brought the staff member in charge of the building into the matter. By the time she turned up at my desk (7pm) she wanted to make a complaint against that person. She said they stereotyped her by presuming that she was homeless. Just because she's Black doesn't mean she's homeless, etc. etc. I put my yoga training into practice by breathing deeply and listening. I offered her a comment form and discretely alerted the staff member in charge that this lady might show up at the administrative offices tomorrow.

Shortly before closing time she parked herself outside the bathroom door and asked the guard to get some spray for the ladies room because it smells bad in there. He refused and rightfully so. Maintenance is hard to contact after hours. He's a security guard not the tidy bowl man.

She came by my desk and asked if copies cost anything. I said that they did. She then wanted me to look up the NAACP in Buffalo and any other civil rights groups in the area--with 15 minutes to go--and giver her computer print outs. I offered to write the information down because we charge for those print outs. I didn't want to become her Internet jockey. I found the information and gave it to her but then she tried to interrupt a transaction between myself and another patron. I brushed her off and thankfully she didn't materialize when the closing announcement went off. I grabbed my shiznit and hit the door even though I had to water the toilet. I figured "fuck it" just get out of here and take care of biz at home. I try my best to be kind to the crazy and indigent but I get really irritated when they think the world owes them something. Librarians are fast becoming de facto social workers as the economy takes a serious crap. We are not trained as such and it's extremely stressful. "America Gone Wrong: A Slashed Safety Net Turns Libraries into Homeless Shelters," tells our plight.

As I ascended the highway, I looked at the dark grey sky and the bright patches mixed in to find a rainbow to the south and a full moon not far away--hence the difficult loony tune. As Buffalo's Harold Arlen once said, "Somewhere over the rainbow..."

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Now playing: Buddy Guy - It's A Jungle Out There
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'scusting!

2008-08-05T21:59:00.003-04:00

As in de-scusting! Another local 30 something female who feels compelled to sniff out some fresh 14 year old fermunda cheese! First it was the South Buffalo charter school teacher and mother of three who made a suicide pact with a 14 year old boy. She's up on charges after being fired. Now it's some lame ass mother of four who lives in the projects and decided to revisit her misspent youth by posing as a 17 year old girl so she could meet a 14 year old guy. She was about 30 when they met and she got pregnant. He's now 16 and according to his step dad they share custody of the toddler with Ms. Predator. I'm sorry but when I was 30 something, a 14 year old was the last thing I was thinking about. They're usually smelly, unwashed and have peach fuzz and zits on their faces. Yuck!

Aside from the skeevy nature of this latest act, what gets me is that we taxpayers will foot the bill for her five (product of rape makes five) kids while this 32 year old does two years in jail. Here's my bet, she gets out and has more kids. Pig!

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Now playing: The 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny
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In the Name of the Children and in Order to Fight Terror...

2008-08-02T14:47:00.004-04:00

I heard the toilet flush as I read this Buffalo News story about the ability of Customs Agents to confiscate your laptop, MP3 player, or phone without suspicion of wrongdoing. Nice!
What the article neglected to say is that print materials are subject to review! The details of the policy can be found here. It's five pages long. Apparently, this sort of scrutiny has been a "long-standing practice" according to the document. Terrorism, child p*rn, and intellectual property violations are a few of the reasons to essentially crawl into your electronic underpants and see if you have any dingleberries.
Let's break this down. Terrorism is probably the most common reason that people will give up their rights. The public has been brainwashed to be scared of a convenient bogeyman--one that our leadership pulls out whenever they sense people's resistance to new nonsense rules. Child p*rn is another reason. Let it be stated that I in no way endorse this material. Yes, I understand that there are horrible international rings that pass this garbage across borders. But I wish authorities would stop pretending that their overreaching investigations will completely and fully eradicate that scourge! Whenever a loss of a right happens, quite often "the children" are invoked to justify the loss. No one has a right to kiddie p*rn but our possessions should not be randomly searched without cause!! Watch this video where Cynthia "Can of Whoop Ass" McKinney gives it to Donald Rumsfeld over Dyncorp and its sexual abuse of women and little girls. Forgive my deliberate censorship of the word p*rn but I know that search engines have crawlers and I don't want a knock on my door because I'm exercising my First Amendment rights.
Anyway, the Intellectual Property violations aren't a life or death matter. So someone swipes a designer's logo and they're selling ripoffs as the real deal? Yes, that's wrong but no one will lose their life. There are other ways to investigate!

I have always been careful of what sort of reading material I have when I travel. I realize that the assclowns who take away our fingernail clippers and regular sized bottles of shampoo, etc. are indoctrinated to watch for "certain" kinds of print items. Your right to read is protected by the First Ammendment**except at border crossings into/out of the U.S.

For what little good it will do, I'll be on the blower/e-mail to my representatives to do something because this is re-godamndiculous! Even rollover Congressman Brian Higgins sees the overarching practices as wrong. That's got to tell you something.

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Now playing: David Bowie - This Is Not America
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Channeling My Inner Barf Bag

2008-07-29T20:18:00.006-04:00

Tim Russert has been discussed ad infinitum. Some people are still recovering. For example, the local NBC affiliate's Scary Hairless Dumbell. I refuse to give her real name for promotional purposes even though mine is just a little unread blog. She's a former Miss NYS who dated a local news anchor and parlayed a radio news gig into an anchor job. As George Carlin would say, she's just a pile of clothes reading a teleprompter. However, in her defense, the television news industry has gone so far into the abyss that shlocky local yokels who look anchorish have a chance to thrive. I wonder if she'll hit the plastic surgery route as age and estrogen loss reveal that her better days are behind her. I don't normally follow what she does but occasionally I drop by for laugh. Read her "Channeling My Inner Russert" and get ready to puke. To paraphrase Senator Lloyd Bentsen, honey, you're no Tim Russert. But then again, a lot of people thought he was a tool for the Man so maybe in your own little way, you are.

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Now playing: Marilyn Manson - The Dope Show
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Tops v. Wegmans

2008-07-20T15:17:00.008-04:00

*Cease and desist this, douchebags!

I'm of your demographic--female, over 30 but under 60 years old. I've written to you in past to express my displeasure but you basically ignored me with your pat answers. My complaints were in reference to the bogus self-checkout and the lawn furniture and other assorted crap that gets in the way of me and my feedbag. The *only* reasons that I still venture into your store is that it is about a mile away from me and your Bonus Card/Spy Shopper cards allow me to accrue points so I can save *a little* off of my gas bill when I pay to pump gas at your filling stations. But those points don't accrue continually, which I think is downright bullshit and does nothing to promote customer loyalty. Not that you care about that.
My heart really belongs to Wegmans aka "Smegmans". Smegs rules. Hands down! How do I love thee Smegs? Let me count the ways:

Although your newer stores are insanely behemoth, overall your presentation, abundance of product, and lay out are great.
Your cheese shops, deli, produce, and take out are the shiznit! Everything is attractively presented, fresh, and tasty.
Your international wares rule. I learn so much when I shop at Smegs. Who knew that Israeli feta is better than Greek or even French feta cheese?
When I leave your stores, I feel as if I have lots of great stuff to make and/or try when I get home.

I could go on and on but you get the point--quality merchandise that looks and tastes great. I spent about $130 (for one person's week or so worth of groceries) but I found so many unique items. Some were organic so they cost a little more. Every penny that I spend there is worth it. Tops quality is sorely lacking. Their deli sucks ass. I know when I order take out at Wegmans that it always tastes good. There's no self-check out at Smegs. Their peeps are proactive and make sure the lines are moving.

I should know better than to shop mid-morning on a Sunday but I can never get to Wegmans. It's just not close enough to burn the gas. But today I had an excuse--I had to visit Bed Bath and Your Uncle and BJ's. Both are pretty close to Smegs. It's a huge store and they give you equally gigundous shopping carts. This makes maneuvering around big Buffalonians a tough task. Smegs offers free samples. Great--but the trouble is the mooches clog up the aisles and get in my way. They're a lot more into the seasonal merchandise than they used to be. I wish they'd just stick to food and beverage. Trader Joe's is awesome because they have high quality without the lawn furniture. Kudos to them, I wish they were here.

Wegmans is a real WNY treasure. I realize they are now located in several other states. As long as the quality remains the same, it's all good by me. Tops is like that nasty neighborhood girl that guys befriend just to get some in a pinch. Not much in the way of quality but it'll do.

p.s. sidebar--I saw Jodi Johnston from Ch. 2 at Smegs. Her son was pushing a cart and I saw this atypical tall thin woman not far behind. I looked at her with that puzzled "Where do I know you from?" face. Then it clicked and it clicked again as I realized that I haven't watched Ch. 2 news in years!!
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Now playing: The Clash - Lost in the Supermarket
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Bioterror Blunder Explained

2008-07-19T11:36:00.009-04:00

I caught the Hallwalls exhibit of Seized which closed yesterday.
It documents the trials and tribulations of University at Buffalo art professor Steven Kurtz. Long story short Kurtz's wife died very unexpectedly in May 2004. What should have been a very routine police call spiraled into nearly four years of nightmarish accusations. Kurtz is also a founding member of the award winning art and theatre collective, Critical Art Ensemble. When the police entered his Allentown neighborhood home, they found a small lab set up. It was to be part of an upcoming CAE exhibit. Authorities warned him that the F.B.I. would want to speak with him. The next day while on his way to make funeral arrangements for Hope, his wife, the F.B.I. detained him for 22 hours, without charge, on the suspicion of "bioterrorism". They searched his home and took several thousand dollars in equipment and other materials (most of which were never returned). They donned Hazardous Materials suits while searching his place as the TV cameras rolled (photo to the left). His home was cleared of containing any dangerous substances. The lab had non-lethal bacteria that was used in his art. Hope Kurtz died of natural causes. Kurtz and a co-defendant, Dr. Robert Ferrell, Professor of Genetics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Public Health, were charged with wire and mail fraud for sending $256 in ordinary bacteria through the mail. Ferrell, due to ill health, took a plea deal. Kurtz stayed the course and the indictment for mail and wire fraud was ruled "insufficient on its face" by the presiding Judge Richard Arcara in April, 2008. The feds decided not to appeal that decision. When their appeal time ran out, Hallwalls displayed the exhibit.

It was small but effective. The main room played a video that had ominous music as clips for local and national newscasts recounted the story. The drama of the hazmat suits was the focal point. It culminated with a clip from the film Strange Culture, a docudrama that tells the Kurtzes' story. Oscar winner Tilda Swinton, plays Hope Kurtz. The clip shown was of a someone receiving a subpoena and filming the Feds who were presenting it. The center of the room featured the infamous pizza boxes and Gatorade bottles that welcomed Kurtz when he was finally allowed into his home. They trashed the place and locked his cat up for days on end without food and water. Bean left scratch marks in the room that she'd been locked in. (She's okay, I think they moved her to Canada for safekeeping). Other debris such as rubber gloves and a hazmat suit surround the pizza box tower, which was almost 5 feet tall. "The Willilam J. Hochul Freedom Library" was of great interest. A small shelf of books that the feds confiscated from the Kurtzes' home. They are as follows:

Anarchist Cookbook (a perennial "what if" title in library school intellectual freedom discussions)
Bioterrorism: Guidelines for Medical and Public Health Management by D. Henderson, M.D.
PDR Guide to Bioterrorism and Chemical Warfare Response
Yellow Fever/Black Goddess: the Coevolution of People and Plagues by Christopher Wills
Biological Warfare:Opposing Viewpoints
Understanding Germ Warfare (from the editors of Scientific American)

Sorry to ramble but the titles listed above can be found in many public libraries. Maybe they should waste our tax dollars more than they already do and seize all copies available! Kurtz's work shows that funding is being wasted on funding biological weapons. Testing shows it is rather ineffectual. He also shows the dangers of genetically modified food. Because it looked weird and the government types didn't get it, they turned his life upside down. I hope he can move on and continue with his art.

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Now playing:
via FoxyTunes Teddybears Feat. Daddy Boastin' - Ahead Of My Time
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Random Musings

2008-07-13T17:15:00.006-04:00

Thanks to the Obamas for instituting the "Terrorist Bump" (pictured above w/Zan and Jayna, Gleek couldn't make the photo op). As a librarian, I'm often offered a handshake from grateful patrons, and I usually wonder where that hand has been. A former Attica inmate gave me the option for the bump so I took it. His fingernails were on the long side and he smelled boozy, which made his hands' whereabouts questionable.

Buffalo sports fans are mostly slovenly. I realize every city has its guilty parties but ours are egregiously so.

Thanks to the lady who was walking near the Lake Erie waterfront. The circumfrence of each of her thighs equaled that of my torso, which made my thighs feel half way presentable in shorts.

Scream at the Librarian: Sketches of Our Patrons in Downtown Los Angeles by Joel J. Rane is an entertaining read of the dark side of librarianship. I'd love to give this to starry-eyed recent M.L.S. graduates. I never thought I'd relate to Rane's rants but I do and I'm a member of his cheering section. People's manners deteriorate over time and as public servants we're expected to put up with a lot. I've been to the Los Angeles Public Library in downtown L.A. Lots of eccentrics, homeless people, or both. Rane's angst is accurately portrayed as annoying patrons know no geographical boundaries.

I've sworn off Craigslist. I became overly involved in pointless debates. You can't educate people in a Craigslist forum. I already knew that but boredom elicits hope.

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Now playing: Muslimgauze - Jackal The Invizibl
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I Heart Craigslist

2008-07-01T10:20:00.003-04:00

Yes, I use it primarily for cheap laughs--to take the pulse on the corpse known as Baaaaflo. Here's a classic example of what's available in the dating world. This poster claims he's 28--looks closer to 38.He has the same suspect, angry look in every photo. Got to love the following description:

I'm looking to meet a good looking/attractive woman (between 18-45)for some fun and excitement(friends with benefits)and whatever may follow.Let's talk and get acquainted, and possibly meet for a drink.I do ask that you provide a photo(or 2). I have several photos of myself posted here on my ad. Aside from that,I'm ex-Army,5'8" tall,royal blue eyes,tan,athletic build,171 pounds,cleancut,and carry a nice package(7+).Drop me a line if interested.

I'm glad he took the time to measure his package. Most women want to know if a guy's packing heat before they even know him--gross. The promise of fwb is just too good to be true. Contact Private Gomer Pyle at the link above if interested.

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Now playing: The Heartbreakers - Born To Lose
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RIP George Carlin "Who Really Owns America"

2008-06-23T22:06:00.002-04:00

Meet the Depressed

2008-06-15T17:08:00.006-04:00

I was in a meeting mid-Friday afternoon when an administrator came in and apologized for interrupting. We didn't care because we were just about done. She announced that Tim Russert had died. She received a text from her daughter or somebody. Her announcement shocked us all. I said that South Buffalo must be going nuts--that was their boy! As the news spread, many asked--'I wonder what happened?" I already knew. Tim just had that big pizza and chicken wing eatin' build that screamed heart attack. Combine that with a stressful job and there's the answer.

I haven't watched Meet the Press in years. Partly because I realize that there is a lot more than meets the eye of mainstream media. Pundit shows help set the political agenda for the week and they can make and break politicians. Russert was touted as an aggressive, hard hitting journalist but some felt that he didn't go far enough. NBC is owned by a major corporation. GE produces weapons and has a strong interest in the war. Anyway, Russert knew who buttered his artery clogging bread so the boat was rocked only in the direction that suited the powers that be.

Leaving that aside, Russert was an excellent Buffalo ambassador. Yeah, he looked the part of the Buffalo "everyman"--big and paunchy but that's what made him easy to relate to. He sounded a bit like Phil Donahue, maybe that can be attributed to his years in Ohio. His legal training combined with his political background gave him the chops to do good interviews. His hardscrabble, work-a-day ethic that he earned in Buffalo and never forgot made him unique. I make fun of Baaaahflo all which ways to Sunday but God help the moron who starts poking fun of this podunk little enclave! If you haven't served time here, you have no right to say anything!

Nonetheless, Russert was a Washington insider with a sharp intellect. He also had that difficult to describe "Buffalo decency"--he seemed genuinely kind and polite. Many attribute that to his Catholic upbringing and education. I can safely say that it's just the way many of us are without having to put a religious brand on it. A Buffalonian will befriend and help you almost to the point of annoyance. Many of us are just loyal like that. To have the good essence of Buffalo so well-portrayed by Russert was a gift. He'll be missed as a political commentator who can make the difficult understandable to the Genny swilling football fan who's wading through Meet the Press so he can see the big game. Buffalo will miss him as a booster--he kept it real while being politically polished enough to make us look a little better.

It was nice to have my homie Paulie Paul in town for quick visit--it felt good to raise a glass of Buffalo's Flyin' Bison Aviator Red in honor of Tim Russert. Very apropos, Paulie's been a close friend for dare I say 27 years--something else that's special about Buffalo...good friends are friends for life.

Gas Drama

2008-06-08T16:10:00.005-04:00

Living in cheapskate WNY, the price of gas and many other things has brought real sticker shock to our area. The gas station that has the best prices has .05 cents off every gallon most week-ends. I was out and about on a non-working Saturday so I made sure I paid a visit. The gas station is on a tiny piece of property--it's hard to move. Pumps are located in the front and the back. I pulled into the back where there is a gas pump followed by a diesel one. Someone pulled in behind me. I decided I would try to be nice to the guy behind me and attempt a ten point turn to get to the pump on the other side. I made my move but decided not go through with it. I pulled around to the front. The pump that I could use was occupied by two cars but one was about to leave. They'd use the exit immediately available and I'd slide in behind them. Before I knew it, an elderly woman was cued up blocking the car's exit. I hit my buzzer. I was courteous and gave up my pump and I had to maneuver around several tight areas to get into position. She wanted me to back up my car to the pump directly behind me. I said no and explained that she needs to go around, I did so and had to go past 3 people. I said, "I'm getting my gas and I'm leaving, the heck with it." She didn't say anything else. Good thing, too because I wasn't in the mood. This was uncharacteristic behavior but in all honesty, I'm tired of getting worked by jerks. Normally, I'm very charitable and courteous. So many people are ill-mannered--I don't want to be thought of this way so I really try. I put my foot down in this instance because grandma was trying to cut the line and impose upon me to do so. I'm not really great at backing up in tight spaces so I declined. Why should I hit something just to help her out? She cut, plain and simple. I got my gas, made my tight three point turn, reversed the car (rather than back it up) and headed for the exit. Not to be impolite but suck it, lady.

My Day in E.A.

2008-05-26T15:37:00.008-04:00

Since B.J. the cat is under medical treatment (subcutaneous fluids) twice a week to assist with her gradually failing kidneys, Spike Rite kindly offers to play medic. I'd never be able to give the her fluids by myself. No that's not Spike in drag--yes, that cat is probably giving her what-for. He came out yesterday with Dookie at-law (skrewl, 24/7). We accomplished our mission effectively and then decided to venture into East Aurora. They wanted to go to Vidler's
so we stopped in to visit the candy aisle, which has lots of old school junk food--yum, yum! Spike reminded me that the "Cherryheads" used to be called "Cherry Chan" and featured a rather stereotypical Asian guy on the cover. See?

According to the Candy Wrapper museum site, the copyright date on the box to the right is 1943. Supposedly they tried to keep the name and update the box. They prolly came to the realization that there's more of them than anybody and it's better not to offend. But as someone with purist ideas, I am offended. The original packaging is much more fierce--like the Asian dude is going to kung fu your ass if you don't eat your fuckin' candy and respect his author-i-tie. Now, it's "A fat free food" made "with real juice". How pussy!

Buffalo Craigslist

2008-05-25T11:10:00.001-04:00

I troll CL just for cheap laughs, here's today's winner!

Miss Manners

2008-05-23T10:33:00.004-04:00

I haven't read a Miss Manners column in awhile but I noticed that my hometown paper listed it as one of its "most viewed" stories so my curiosity was piqued. Essentially, the writer lays out their circumstances--they work 50 hours a week, no bennies. They live in a large city and the homeless are crawling up their tail pipe for a donation. How should this be handled in a polite manner? "

Miss Manners said, "It never fails to amaze Miss Manners that people will tolerate blatant begging (in the form of “gift registries” and instructions on invitations) from friends and relatives who are in more or less the same circumstances as themselves, yet feel indignant about being importuned by the needy."

Hip hip hooray! Confirmation in print that many people with events i.e. marriages and births are also strong arming others, they just do it in a more decorative way. I don't love being over 40, but age has its privileges as I no longer receive gift solicitations from people that I barely know. Thankfully, my close friends haven't procreated and they're either single, co-habitating, or just waiting for the law to change. I appreciate the latter and would be willing to celebrate the unconventional entering the mainstream.

Miss Manners closes by saying, "I'm sorry" is the best response. Perfect for every invite from someone you're not close to!

What Does Ellen DeGeneres Know about Cat Food?

2008-04-24T22:16:00.004-04:00

How about jack diddly doo-wah? She can take her company Halo's canned "Spot's Stew" and stuff it! The only thing she knows about pussy is her desire for blonde, Hollywood actresses.

BJ, my cat, is nearly 18 years old so she's like most old ladies-- a little cranky and pretty fussy. Dr. Mengele (aka BJ's vet--he's actually very nice but she doesn't see him in that light) recomends that she eat a can of food a day to keep her hydrated. Older cats need more water/fluids i.e. gravy than younger ones. I find something she's into but within a few days she's over it. Meow Mix's beef flavor wet food was a recent favorite. She'd lick the bowl clean, which made for less knarly clean up for mommy. Wet cat food makes me retch. In desparation, I tried the salmon flavored "Spot's Stew" out on BJ last night. I opened the can and it didn't smell too bad. Kiss of death--that cat loves stinky ass food. It also had a green pea in it. This is supposed to be high quality "good for kitty" type food but the presence of a pea put me on alert. I put it in her bowl, she briefly sampled it, and gave me stink eye, which said, "thanks for "Spot's Spew" mom! yecccch!" I'm tempted to send Ellen a photo of the baby poo colored slop still occupying my cat's bowl. I should know better than to purchase something from a nut-job who habitually adopts dogs only to figure out that she can't deal with new pets and must give them away! And then she bawls on TV when she is taken to task for not following shelter protocol by giving the dog to an unapproved home. The agency then has to remove the dog because she didn't follow the rules. She crys like a girl when she realizes she didn't do right by the dog or the kids in the unapproved home.

WJC RIP

2008-04-12T11:37:00.002-04:00

Usually I write with sarcastic angst but today is different. My cousin's son is dead following a motorcycle accident that sent him into a utility pole. He died post-op as a result of a blood clot. The reality is that he was probably under the influence of heroin when the accident happened. He had struggled with his demons for a long time. He was only 27. I remember seeing him as a toddler and then a fun-loving adolescent. I'm heartbroken for his family. He was a good kid and a talented artist. He was in WNY last summer and I didn't have time to get together with him and my family. I feel awful about that. I'm usually good about making time because life is so short. Now I know I must be better about it.

Ace for Your Face or Where Have all the Smokers Gone?

2008-03-02T14:17:00.007-05:00

So me and Mike Rite went to see Ace Frehley at the Seneca Niagara Casino in Niagara Falls, NY last night. I've been opposed to casino shows because they have taken most of the business away from local promoters and they force you into their trailer park environment. Otoh, if you want to see anything, eventually that's where you have to go. Prior to the show, I was aware that smokers were a strong possibility. But...I thought they would accommodate non-smokers. Not to sound self righteous to my peeps who know what a cigarette slave I used to be but it's been almost three years and I'm no longer down. Every pasty overweight chain smoker was in the casino. As far as we knew, there were no non-smoking gambling areas. Of course they design those things like a motherfuckin' Skinner box so you have no idea where they could be if they existed. Thankfully, the Bear's Den where Ace played was non-smoking. It didn't hit me until this morning that the reason for that is they wanted to prevent tragic Great White type incidents.

Last Great White show, File Photo

Anyway, Ace's voice was a little shot but his band was tight albeit a bit cheesy when the bassist pulled the "put your hands over your head and group clap 70's style" manuever. They totally rocked the house with his KISS tunes! He busted out his tricked out guitar for "New York Groove" much to the appreciation of the dirtbags, tramps, and frat boys in attendance. Incidentally John Elder Robison, older brother to Augsten Burroughs, designed Frehley's early guitars. There's a full chapter about this in Robison's autobiography Look Me in the Eye, an interesting read on Asperger's disease. It's a disability that is not evident unless you know what to look for. It was a good show, glad I was there. We grabbed a drink afterwards and tried to gamble but everywhere you turned there were smokers. Aside from breathing issues, I was getting annoyed because my hair and clothes would surely stink once we left. And they did.

My favorite moment of the evening was waiting to get into the cafe for a pre-show dinner and watching a little girl eat an ice cream cone. I wondered aloud, how do cigarettes and ice cream taste together? Yes, you couldn't escape the stink even in the eating areas.

Breeding

2008-02-29T10:07:00.002-05:00

I could really go off about those who breed and have no business doing so but I'll just be specific and cite today's Dear Abby column.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom of an active 3-year-old boy, with another on the way. Before my son, "Chad," was born, my husband and I took in a loving yellow Labrador, "Sparky" (now 8), who had been neglected. While I love Sparky very much, he is just too much work for me because he is so needy. He often becomes nervous and "stuck" in certain rooms and must be physically coaxed into the next room. His anxiety causes him to bark uncontrollably at cars, people walking by, etc. He is absolutely out of control when someone comes to the door. He has damaged our home, wakes us up when we're sleeping, wants to go in and out all day, and is constantly underfoot. Our efforts to train Sparky have failed, and I'm simply out of patience.The trouble is, my husband has no sympathy for the difficulty this causes me when I'm home during the day, and he refuses to discuss alternative options. I don't know what to do and have overwhelming feelings of guilt. I find myself actually looking forward to the day when Sparky dies so that I can be relieved of this burden. Please help. -- DOG TIRED, PALMYRA, N.Y.

Abby wisely tells her to consult with her vet and a pro dog trainer and if none of that works, return him to the rescue group where she got him. Fine. But the reality is if you're planning on having a family, why take in a needy dog? The fact that he had been neglected should have told you that he needed extra care. I'm tired of people thinking that animals are expendable.Last night, I was at Petsmart and I read the notes on the cage of a pretty tortoise colored cat. The writer noted that she had been thrown out of moving car. Nice. I hope instant karma takes care of the douchebag that was heartless enough to do that. Give me a great pet over an idiot person any day!

Alvin and the Chipmunks

2007-12-31T09:37:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I have a "Little Sister" who I mentor. She's a cool kid who doesn't ask for much so when she said that she wanted to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, I put aside my preconceived notions and took her. It was a suburban movie house filled with kids and parents, many of which were in my age bracket. Overall, not a bad movie--I was actually pleased to know ahead of time that Arrested Development's David Cross (Tobias Funke) was in the film. I must be the only one who knows his work because he had several subtle lines in Alvin and I was the only one who laughed. Does having kids eliminate your sense of sophisticated humor? Or maybe they were never sophisticated in the first place....

Don't Tase Me at Worst Buy, Bro!

2007-12-23T14:55:00.000-05:00

The catchphrase of the year is..."Don't Tase Me, Bro" as uttered by a Florida college student who had the audacity to question former Presidential candidate and current Senator, John F. Kerry about his Skull and Bones membership. I don't have statistics but tasing is getting out of control. If you fart in public, look out! You'll be tased for your crop dusting. The latest tasing went down at Worst Buy. Check it! Daytona, Florida Police say they were within their rights to tase a customer! She left the store to taking an upsetting cell phone call and her behavior was reported as suspicious. She returned only to be confronted by police who promptly tasered her for doing nothing! Incredible. What is this world coming to?

The Kids are Not Alright...

2007-12-22T15:36:00.001-05:00

The increasing frequency of child predators using the Internet to find prey gives one pause. The latest case centers around a 48 year old pig who lured as many as 16 underage girls to send him pictures of their goodies. He's accused of using myspace and posing as a hot 20 year old guy who advertised that he was looking for "dirty girls who like doing dirty things". When some started balking, he issued threats of telling their parents, posting photos online or posting them at school.

So many issues and not enough time... Technology can be a lifesaver at most and a great convenience at the very least. But in the hands of the wrong people i.e. perverts and BRATZ generation kids who have no concept of privacy and think porn star is an attainable career, it's dangerous. Parents don't question the fact their kids are being marketed to. They don't mind that their kids are over-commercialized and supersized, because it makes them just like dear old mom and dad. A kid with too much technology, too little guidance, and too many hormones is prime pickings for a scummy 48 year old cafeteria worker.

The perpetrator is definitely wrong and disgusting, if he is guilty of what he's accused of. However, the girls' parents are not blameless. They should be taken to task for not supervising them and for not effectively educating them about protecting themselves and their privacy. There have always been dirtbag Chester Molester types but technology brings them into your environment and allows them access to your child. No more stalking kids in public! Chet knocks back some Genny screamers and generic cigs while he's plotting to victimize your kid.

Here's what I'm pondering...why are adults infantilized and why are kids being dressed and treated as mini-adults and given expensive electronic accessories?

I think we should have classes called, "Do Not e-mail or Electronically Publicize Your Cooch, Snatch, Dick, Giggleberries, Boobies, or Bunghole until You're at Least 18 Years Old". This should be taught starting at about 5th grade. Furthermore, how about asking these kids to think into the future? Do they really want memories of their 15 year old beavers being ogled by their 12 year old sons when they discover some "vintage" porn? Good fucking grief!

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Now playing: The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes/a>

Stub Hub!

2007-12-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

I entered the "lottery" to buy Ice Bowl or NHL/AMP Winter Classic tickets. I was notified that I didn't win. I opted to buy the HSBC party tickets, which were cheaper and warmer. Essentially, you get to watch the game that's being played at Ralph Wilson Stadium between the Sabes and the Penguins (Penguins is practically chickens--scroll down, look for Hobo) in the arena. Anyway, I was notified that they found extra tickets and that I did win. I almost gave them to my hockey nut, fartin' cousin but then I thought...this bitch is pretty much sold out...get money! Within an hour, I sold my tix for almost four times what they were worth. Awww yeah! Some sucker from Chicago bought them even though they were obstructed view. I said so up front. Reading is fun-da-mental!

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Now playing: Urge Overkill - Sister Havana
via FoxyTunes

Hair

2007-11-24T12:39:00.001-05:00

I had an uncle who worked this look in the mid '70's. My bad hair days amount to a Linc comparison.

Hey Dere Hi Dere Don't Tase Me Dere!

2007-11-18T11:21:00.000-05:00

I'm poking fun at the Baaahflo Polish connection but the reality is this past week a 40 year old Polish dude who was trying to settle with his mother in Canada experienced death-by-taser. Their problem was that they didn't understand the logistics of navigating the airport in Vancouver. That prevented an efficient meeting. They also didn't get that we live in a new world where you can be killed at the scareport. For the full story click here
(It includes a nearly 10 min. long video)

On the video you hear authorities saying that the man speaks Russian and they need an interpreter. Hey genius, you should have got that interpreter about 9.5 hours before. By the time the guy started getting antsy, he'd been held ten hours. Oh and by the way betch, he spoke Polish until the storm troopers tasered his dupa!

Something along the same lines happened in the Arizona airport about a month ago. A well-to-do woman who'd been in rehab spazzed over missing a connection. Authorities jumped on her, handcuffed her and left her alone. She'd been drinking and ended up choking herself to death.

We're really doing something about those terrorists aren't we? They must have changed the definition to foreigners who don't speak English and desperate housewives with substance abuse issues.

Cryin' Shame

2007-10-09T09:52:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I can't locate the image but could people stop literally crying over sports losses? The cover of the New York Post recently featured some little tool from Babylon, Wrong Island boo-hooing over the Mets getting knocked out of the play-offs. I heard some tearful grown woman doing as much on an audio clip via CBS news. What's wrong with these people? Granted the little tool is only 6 years old and is now a "celebrity" after having his mug all over the place. But the adult? Come on! There are far greater tragedies in the world than loser sports teams. Those dudes still get a serious paycheck at the end of the day. I'm down with the NHL program but you'll never see me shed real tears over losses--believe me being a Sabres fan is a tough task but I take it in stride. It's called balance and awareness of the world beyond sports, beyond the U.S. Get real people!

p.s. Gore Vidal interview on Canadian TV's The Hour, he rules.

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Now playing: Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye
via FoxyTunes

25 Top Documentary Films Named

2007-10-08T10:14:00.000-04:00

I'm a docs fiend. I'll watch just about anything if it's a documentary. This probably stems from not having cable as a kid and being left to my own devices--public television programming--much of it about war. "David L. Wolper Presents..." was always a fave. The International Documentary Association named its best of, which can be viewed here. Bowling, Inconvenient, good choices. Crumb is amazing. Maysles Bros. rule. Grey Gardens is one of their films--watching that you feel sorry for Jackie O's as the skeletons are dragged out of her family closet. A few on the list I haven't seen but will do so. I'm surprised the 7 Up series wasn't named. It's the pre-cursor to reality TV and 49 Up will be on PBS this week. The director has worked with the same kids from the age 7 to 49--their lives are seen warts and all. It's really a study in class and outcome in British society.

Quote of the day comes from Buffalo's Craiglist:
"This is why the social environment here is jam-packed with men (and women) who reek of Labbatt Blue, cheap cologne and desperation."
from the Rants and Raves section

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Now playing: Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

I Shook the Hand of the "Most Dangerous Man in America"

2007-09-15T21:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm burning some music to I-Tunes so I can give under utilized CD's to Goodwill to de-clutter my crib. Of course, I'm digging into some craft brew. Tonight's selection is from Middle Ages Brewing and it goes by the name of Black Heart Stout. Dark as molasses with a very satisfying malty finish. I highly recommend it.
So what do I mean by the headline? I've known about the career of Buffalo actor and labor organizer Manny (Emanuel) Fried for years. He came to my attention after I found out he appeared in the film Buffalo 66. He's the donut clerk who interacts with Billy (played by Vincent Gallo) toward the end of the film. I learned from a colleague that he was called before the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) in Buffalo to answer charges in the 1950's. He gave the Committee hell and they never bothered him again. Although the F.B.I. was on him for the nearly the rest of his life. He's 94 now and is still a delegate to the AFL-CIO. Anyway, he's in a one man show from Road Less Traveled Productions called Boilmakers and Martinis. It documents his life as he reflects on his marriage to a local socialite. Fried discusses the ensuing conflicts between his union position and the toll it takes on his relationship and the lives of his children. It's a truly fascinating story! The headline is in reference to a story he told about a Catholic priest who tried to warn the working faithful that Fried was nothing but a "low life" Commie. Given Fried's age, this could be his swan song so I cleared my calendar.
I had the pleasure of interacting with him. He was using a walker due to recent hip surgery and was talking to a few people in the lobby (the Market Arcade is loaning space to RLTP). He finally announced that he would see them later. He made his way over to a bench. I tried to get into the theater but was told that seating wasn't available just yet. I sat on the bench next to the old gentleman. I thought it was him, but I wasn't sure. Finally, I asked him if he was Manny Fried. He said yes. "Wait a minute, this is your show and you can't get in?". He chuckled and explained that he enters after the audience because the Market Arcade doesn't have a traditional backstage area. I told him that I was excited to see him on stage because I had never done so. He talked about his last appearance in "Tuesdays with Morrie". He was very gracious.
After the show, a Q & A opportunity arose so of course, I raised my hand and stated that he'd been called before HUAC in Buffalo and asked why he didn't address this directly in the show. He said that he had but it would take 2.5 additional hours to discuss so the producers asked that he didn't. He explained that he questioned the validity/legality of HUAC's existence. He asked that he be indicted so he could test his theory. This made the Committee nervous and they didn't bother with him directly. An enlarged letter of encouragement from Albert Einstein during this time period appeared as part of the sparse stage set. He explained that the letter was in reference to his HUAC appearance. After the show, I asked him to sign my program so I could donate it to the Library. He obliged and I thanked him for sharing his story and shook his hand. He is one righteous dude and I'm so glad I had a chance to see him.

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Now playing: The Doors - End Of The Night
via FoxyTunes

They're Chicken Wings, not "Buffalo Wings", Dammit!

2007-09-05T10:19:00.000-04:00

I was watching CNN when they ran a crawl about the winner of the "Buffalo Wing" eating contest. I know...outsiders have to put the geographic location in but the reality is they are chicken wings, plain and simple. Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas who is 5'5 and 105 lbs. strapped on her feedbag to win the professional eating contest called "The Buffet Bowl". In eight minutes, she ate 5.95 pounds of wings, pizza, pierogies, beef and “hog wings.” Insert pig noise here.

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Now playing: Bryn Jones - Abuse
via FoxyTunes

Larry Craig and Co.: Knock it Off!

2007-09-01T09:52:00.000-04:00

I'm really sick of prominent dudes pretending they're straight just to keep their jobs. I'm not certain of tea room etiquette but suffice it to say from the reports that have been released, Mr. Craig was casting his net. Little did he know Dragnet was in the next stall. Anyway, I understand that in our hypocritical society it is difficult for people to be who they are. But to be a tool for the right wing Republican faction while you're looking to get your bishop polished is in insane! There have been several of these scandals in the past few years. Last month, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) had to apologize because his phone number appeared in the D.C. Madam's book. He didn't have to quit his post. No one seemed to care probably because he sought sex with a woman. Former Congressman Mark Foley chased after little boys and was forced to resign. The only respectable thing about him is that he wasn't married. I guess for me it boils down to if you can't keep it in your pants don't make a major, legal commitment! You have to feel sorry for a woman who either doesn't know her husband or she knows what's up but rather than leave she plays along.
Shortly, Craig is supposed to announce his resignation so some other Republican tool can be appointed. Hasta la taco buddy!

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Now playing: Chet Baker - There Will Never Be Another You
via FoxyTunes

Johnny Goo's Plastic Surgery

2007-08-28T10:31:00.001-04:00

I don't know when it went down but I noticed that John Rzeznik (the artist formerly known as Johnny Goo) didn't look quite right when he and the Goos appeared on Sundance TV's "Live from Abbey Road" series. His face barely moved and his cheeks looked chipmunk-like. Conversely, Robby Takac kept it real--a few lines in his face but he looked like a hip 40 something dude. John looked like he was frozen in time. A former teen idol who is clinging to yesterday.

Yesterday, my pal 'French Fry' sent us a link announcing that John Rzeznik will be on an American Idol style show to decide who the next great American band will be. He'll be paired with has-been Sheila E (pictured above) who looks awful but I can't determine if it's age, bad surgery, or both. Nonetheless, the info pro in me dug a little deeper and John doesn't seem to be demure about where he got his new look. Unless he didn't give the surgeon permission to mention him as a customer. Dr. Mark Mandel-Brown is to blame according to this site. Notice the spelling on John's last name. As Kelly would say, you couldn't even spell "break" right!

See What Excessive Drinking Does?

2007-08-18T14:45:00.000-04:00

"Oh Shit! She really does take after her dad!"

Famous first hard drinking daughter,Jenna Bush, will soon be a blushing bride. She recently became engaged to Henry Hager. His father is the head honcho for Virginia's Republican Party, a former First Lieutenant Governor, and he worked for the Bush II adminsistration. The younger worked for the soon defunct Karl Rove. Maybe he can be Jenna's brain.

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Now playing: Memphis Minnie - Love Come and Go
via FoxyTunes

Bingo Wings

2007-08-05T13:40:00.001-04:00

Not to be confused with Buffalo Wings these are the things you earn after lots of eating and very little exercise. I've been trying to exercise more often. Especially after yesterday's hot fudge sundae from Aldridge's Ice Cream in Dunkirk. They're the place that has April Fool's day flavors like pork and beans. Their real flavors are very good and the whipped cream rules.

I Wanna a Super Fro

2007-07-29T21:23:00.000-04:00

Here you go! Check out the afro puff!

Smell Phones

2007-06-24T16:49:00.001-04:00

Children shouldn't have cell phones. I've outlined the many reasons I'm against it in previous posts. To recap, they're too young and don't understand the financial impact, they don't need to talk "on location"--tie up the family phone line, and it only gives them easy access to bullshit trouble i.e. Chester the Molester. Giving one to a troubled child only to have it become a point of contention in disciplinary matters lead to tragedy in this case.

Stupid Spoiled Whore

2007-06-11T17:28:00.000-04:00

You gotta love the Smoking Gun--check the photo gallery!

Soylent Green

2007-06-07T09:19:00.000-04:00

Our food is getting skanky. It started with the knarly pet food that killed cats and dogs. It was recently revealed that China's seafood supply is cultivated in raw sewage and washed with nasty chemicals that the FDA in the U.S. has banned. You need to get down with slow foods. A movement inspired by the overwhelming availability of corporate fast food. There are locations across the U.S. Many Web sites list farmers' markets and quality restaurants or special events where you can get a quality feedbag. Don't eat Soylent Green.
Off to the second most polluted city in America, Pittsburgh!

Nancy Grace Gets Punked

2007-06-05T09:26:00.000-04:00

That's hot!

I'll Make Your Head Ring...

2007-05-27T11:33:00.000-04:00

So, I'm enjoying a nice, 70's soulesque Sunday morning brunch before I start excavating my place in search of floors and a kitchen table when I stumble upon a Baaaahflo News article entitled, "Surviving a layoff How to manage in unemployment and find a new job", which was written by a local reporter. Considering that I just survived this experience, I was curious. Typical networking and "getting your priorities straight advice" was offered but so was this gem:

For those who are unmarried, but have an employed, insured significant other: “Wedding bells should be ringing in your head at this particular moment,” Lewis Mandell said.

Mandell is a professor of finance at UB. Is he fucking kidding? Let me get this right, if you're dating someone and your source of benjamins runs out, you're supposed to enter a legal entanglement to stave off hunger and the bill collectors? What if you're single and don't have this option? Do you start working for an escort service instead? I'll bet if Mandell were asked to consider the escort service option, he'd probably give it some thought. If Mandell was quoted correctly, what an incredibly ignorant thing to say. I'd rather starve than be tied down for the wrong reasons.

"Freedom"

2007-05-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

I saw this image a few days ago on channel 4's Web site. What's wrong with this picture? If it's meant to commemorate Memorial Day, the graphics person is either on crack or a jokester. Doesn't this look like somebody's under siege rather than free? Sieg Heil!

Speaking of...I hate Elizabeth Hasselhoff, yeah I know it's ...beck, but she's a Republican crotch who's nothing but a former reality star married to a football mook. I was never a fan of Rosie O'Donnell's but I'll take butch over bitch anyday. See the final showdown here...

My Walter Mitty Dream

2007-05-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

If you know me well enough, I'm a nerdy librarian who enjoys intellectual property issues. I wish I could figure out how to get down with an IP oriented career without a lot of extra schooling as I'm over obtaining way too much education for very little in return. I'm really good at busting misuse of copyright and trademark. Maybe I could be an IP criminal clearinghouse. I could cuff and stuff places around here big time but if I'm not getting paid in full, why bother playing Pepper from Police Woman?

Anyway, as the Sabres grapple for the Stanley Cup, the infringers come out of the woodwork as evidenced by this Baaaahflo News story. Sabres gear started selling like mad when the sloppy pizza eaters figured out that Da Bills were worth jackshit back in November. The linked article offers clues so you don't buy a forgery. Here's my favorite, "Another tip-off is spelling. The league has confiscated more than a few Sabres items labeled “Sabers.”" Ha-ha! These Bud Light swilling losers and street thugs trying to make a buck can actually sell misspelled items? PT Barnum's adage of a "sucker is born every minute" is entirely too true.

I'm nursing a cold so I'll watch the Sabres prolly soil the bed. I don't have a good feeling about this series.

Garden of Eden Lock-down

2007-05-10T16:19:00.000-04:00

There's nothing better when TV parlance comes to real life. Case in point, yesterday's five hour search for a despondent Iraq War veteran with a gun in Eden, NY. It started around noon when the man's sister called police to report that her brother was armed and sounded as if he might kill himself. About 60 police officers from three agencies began looking for him. At around 1:30 school officials were notified of the situation. Rather than move the children, the media and school authorities notified parents that they should pick up their kids. Of course, the rumor mill kicked in and false reports of the distressed man being in the building started. A school official was quoted in the paper as saying, "We have a building full of kids with cell phones,”. Okay, rewind, what's wrong with that sentence? Those little brats were allowed to get their chat on? I thought the media and the school were doing the notifying. Nothing like letting the kids run the show! I left work yesterday afternoon and heard the "lock-down" term being bandied about as it always is in these situations. I always thought schools were prisons where you suffered through the bullshit of forced socialization. I couldn't wait to get out. I never thought the prison lexicon would be so commonplace--especially in light of Virginia Tech.

Da Sabres

2007-04-13T11:40:00.000-04:00

It looks like we're off to a good start against the NY Islanders but head injury case Rick DiPietro could be added to the line-up. That might help their goaltending and make winning a bit more challenging for Da Sabes. In case you missed it (and I'm sure you did), Buffalo's Goo Goo Dolls were chosen to provide music for a hometown, schmaltzy homage to the team and the peeps. We were forewarned of this in the paper. I cringed as I read the story because it portended of cheesy things to come. My instincts were correct. See what you think here. It's a slow song with a "jeez this dive sucks and man we could use something good to feel better about ourselves" vibe. The montage includes sights and sounds of blue collar Baaahflo featuring lots of slovenly people. Look for a quick shot of the liberry. My faves are the dudes with the goofy ass moustaches. Yuck!

Speaking of the Lottery...

2007-04-10T17:26:00.000-04:00

If I were a dude, here's the one that I wouldn't want to win...

NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- Former Anna Nicole Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead says DNA has proven he is the father of her infant daughter.

The results were made public following a court hearing in the Bahamas. Birkhead and Howard K. Stern had both said they were the father of baby Dannielynn.

An attorney for Stern had said ahead of time that if the tests showed Birkhead to be the father, he would relinquish custody of the girl to him.

Stern told reporters after the hearing that he's not going to fight Birkhead for custody. He said Birkhead is welcome to start spending as much time as he wants with the girl. Stern also says
his feelings for the baby girl haven't changed.

****Trimspa Baby!*****

Hockey Saki Hah!

2007-04-10T16:26:00.000-04:00

Okay "sports fans" (not as I know most of you who read this could give two about any sport)...anyway...you know I'm a hockey chick and I'm rooting for Da Sabres. The hometown heroes are getting more than their fair share of attention as every loser loving Bills fan realizes the Sabes are in the play-offs instead of pulling their puds. This was evident in December when peeps hung up their zuba pants and started scarfing up Sabres gear.

So you're not into the long road that leads to the play-offs and you don't know a hooking call from boarding but I know you like the men folk.
Just in time for the NHL play-offs, I give you the 2007 Hottest Hockey Dudes as chosen by me. (This is a tough task as there aren't too many hotties in my sport)

1) Brendan Shanahan--Left Wing--#14--NY Rangers

Okay, he's not the most photogenic guy but I love watching him off ice, on TV. He's a little a shy and awkward in front of the camera so you don't want him talking too much. He just needs to stand there so I can take in his 6'3 frame of Irish cuteness. Yeah, the pie chompers are prolly fake but Shanny plays with heart and soul. No bullshit--he's there to score and stomp ass when he needs to. Reet-reet. Them is good eats!

2) Sidney Crosby--Center--#87--Pittsburgh Penguins

19 year old Sid the Kid still has a little baby fat around the edges but give him a few years and he will be beyond adorable. I saw him in two TV commercials. He melts your heart in the Timbits Minor Hockey league commercial. I couldn't find that spot online but here's the one where Ovechkin from the Washington Crapitals tries to bone him--Sid is at the end. Shanny is also in this spot. I love when the maid bags Joe Thornton. Sid is "the next one" and he's cute.

3) Michael Peca--Center--#27--Toronto Maple Leafs

Former Sabres player and malcontent Peca had the misfortune of playing for the Leafs this year and he busted his leg big-time. Bummer. He's little in stature but nice to look at. He's shown with hockey wisps (rather than a full on mullet) and his New York Islander jersey (or sweater as they say in Canada). Trivial aside, his wife is from Baaaahflo. She was good looking so I guess he got what he paid for. She wasn't in the workforce long but would you work if you won the lottery?

I might extend this list if I have time, things have been hectic. Hope you enjoyed and Go Sabres!

Keep Feeling Vaccinations

2007-03-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

If you haven't already heard about the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine for young girls, you need to pay attention. Essentially, last August Merck came out with Gardasil (not to be confused with Vagisil), which is supposed to prevent cervical cancer. The "target audience" is females between the ages of 9-26. The governor of Texas signed an executive order to forcibily innoculate girls aged 11-12. I'm sure there are some loopholes to exercise so a parent doesn't have to subject their daughter to this but how many parents are doing so? In this age of the sheep most would rather comply than fight back. Meanwhile, New York State Assemblywoman Amy Paulin (D-Scarsdale) has introduced legislation to innoculate school aged girls. Her proposal leaves the Health Department in charge of setting appropriate ages. She highly approves what happened in Texas and says a companion bill will be introduced in the NYS Senate. That may have already happened.

What's the problem with all of this? Forcing people--no matter what age--to be vaccinated is plain Orwellian. Furthermore, Merck the pharmaceutical giant behind the shot, is lobbies lawmakers to pass these laws. At $360 whether your health insurance or Medicaid pays for it, it's money in Merck's pocket. They're also marketing the hell out of this to potential consumers. The Buffalo area Planned Parenthood is leading the charge. A recent Buffalo News article quotes a spokesperson,

"Since the fall, Planned Parenthood's two pediatric care programs have been offering the vaccine to parents for their daughters."We've not had one negative response," said Colleen Schiffhauer, director of medical services. "Every single patient has gotten a vaccine who was in the age group [9 and older]. Not one of the parents of the patients has refused to vaccinate their child." Schiffhauer estimated that the clinic had vaccinated "a couple of hundred" girls so far. Other clinics and private medical practices in the area also have begun offering the vaccine. And in mid-March, Planned Parenthood plans to make the vaccine available at all its clinics so that young women, along with girls, will have access to it."

"We've not had one negative response..." Of course not. Did you fully inform them about it? It's a new vaccine made by the idiots that brought you Vioxx. We know how that went. Can you say "classaction lawsuit"? Did you tell them that according to opensecrets.org, pharmaceutical manufacturing gave over ten million dollars to election campagins in 2006? It's easy to gain full acceptance when you don't provide the facts. Normally I'm very supportive of Planned Parenthood, but not in this case. Call your State Assemblyman or Senator and tell them to just say no to mandated medicine. Let people decide for themselves.

Sprawl Mart

2007-02-17T10:22:00.000-05:00

I found the above image on Infowars and I couldn't resist posting it. I'd give credit where credit is due but no creator was listed. Anyway, this image sums up the many things that I hate about Walmart. Nothing like selling patriotic images manufactured by slave labor in foreign countries in a place that is frequented by illegal laborers with their new found "wealth" i.e. more money than they'd make in Mexico. Walmart likes nothing better than to build meccas by using acres of land only to find that they've outgrown the space and that they'd like to relocate to a bigger place. Hamburg, New York is a prime example of this. Dig the portly Buffalo type peeps in the background of the image!

Winter Wunderland

2007-02-05T14:56:00.000-05:00

Check it out--nearly 3.5 feet of snow in my hood. Awesome snowshoeing weather! I feel like a little kid on a snow day! Yeah, I dug my shiznit out pretty much by myself. The military neighbor dude chimed in at the end but it was all good.

Nanook of Baaaahflo

2007-02-03T13:27:00.000-05:00

What up my peeps? After a long absence I'm back in black. Literally, my long underwear purchased for snowshoeing purposes is black. I just returned from a quick jaunt around the property where I live. The trickiest part is getting the shoes on and off. Once you get moving it's fairly easy. While it's one of the easier winter sports, you definitely heat up fast and you do sweat. Because no one has been out to play in the snow, I had the opportunity to 'break trail' . I loved stomping around in snow. Some of the neighbors peered out their windows to watch. Thankfully I didn't fall on my dupa. I finally realized why I didn't like to go out and play in the snow as a kid, we didn't have the tricked out technology! My long underwear is really thin but super warm. My snowpants are just right--ample insulation and venting slots, not too bulky. And my fleece vest kept me warm. I highly recommend this winter sport. Relatively easy to do and not a major financial investment.

Fabulously Forty

2006-12-09T11:04:00.000-05:00

Mad props to my other 40 ouncing Malt Lickas, Spike Rite and Doodles! It's not so bad. I'm sitting in my jammies getting me some freedizzle Scissor Sisters ;-) Can't wait to try "discography" as a search term.

Funny Bflo Blog

2006-11-09T11:48:00.001-05:00

Sick minds think alike...

http://www.fishbowlwny.com/

Bravo Mr. Olbermann!

2006-10-25T00:11:00.000-04:00

After I told Fry that I finally saw the film "Good Night and Good Luck"she sent me the following. MessyNBC's Keith Olbermann takes dubbya to task on the signing of the Military Commission Act, last week. Click here for the video commentary. When you're done watching it, see how your Senator voted. Then check up on your Congressional representative. If the slimy douchebag voted for this, tell 'em to suck it at the voting booth (if they're running and the booth isn't rigged, thanks Diebold). To think that Congress is wasting time over a closeted gayRepublican pedophile.... They're investigating what they already know while voting our rights away. Nice.

Fighting over Food Stamps

2006-10-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

Envy over government subsidies? The following was posted to a local TV station's WNY Storm board on Saturday. A run-on sentence, with spelling errors and without punctuation:

Poster: KIM

Subject: food stamps

I UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH FOOD STAMPS LOST POWER AND FOOD BUT SO DID EVERY ONE I DONT THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AS MUCH PUT BACK ON THEIR BENIFIT CARDS I HEAR SOME PEOPLE SAYING HOW THEY NEVER LOST POWER AND THEY GOT THIS MONEY PUT ON THEIR CARDS NOW FOR MYSELF I WORK HARD FOR MY CHECK AND MY HUSBAND WORKS 2 JOBS AND WE LOST ALL OF OUR FOOD AND I HAVE 2 GIRLS AT HOME AND 3 STEP CHILDREN EVERY OTHER WEEK WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR VISITATION BECAUSE WE CANT FEED THEM IT JUST IS NOT FAIR TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK SO HARD AND LOST SO MUCH

How ghetto! Does she know the qualifying income levels in order to receive aid? Is 'gotten' a word? Five kids...got condoms? Notice that her rant centers on the family feedbag? It prolly includes lots of chips, drank, and Budweiser. She epitomizes the WNY mentality: worry about what others have, don't improve your station in life.

Siriusly Speaking

2006-10-15T10:21:00.001-04:00

Okay, I'm over the storm. I tried listening to my favorite late-night "sleepless in Bahflo", radio talk show Coast to Coast AM only to find that WBEN was still in storm mode. Give me a break! Granted, the power outage and damage are major. However, what can be done about it in the middle of the night? Yes, the closing lists are long but you'll run them the morning. On the overnight, break in if/when needed and get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Because my walkman's radio reception was so poor during this storm event, I invested in a decent quality wind-up radio that also runs a light. If I lose power again, I can listen to more responsible programming and/or use the light to read by.

Thankfully, I'm a Sirius radio subscriber. I'll definitely re-up. My unit has a sleep timer for when I'm ready for bed and I'm extremely sick of local radio. My major reason for hooking up with Sirius was Howard Stern. When he's not on live, I delve into the hundreds of channels available. Although I've had it for 10 months, I don't think I've scratched the surface. Here's some of my musical favorites:

The David Johansen Mansion of Fun (Fridays 3-9 pm EST) on Sirius Disorder, Ch. 24 I try not to miss this show--he plays any and everything, it's exceptional!
Little Steven's Underground Garage, Channel 25. Who knew Bruce Springsteen protege and Sopranos cast member Steven Van Zant was so cool? A solid DJ line up provides great music.
Boombox, Channel 34, cool electronica. This is where I first heard Rhymefest featuring Kanye West and "Brand New". Don't forget to make room for the S.O.V., Lady Sovereign that is!

I could keep going but it suffice it to say that local radio's purpose is to cover local news and serve as a conduit during an emergency. The latter is by default, most people don't have battery operated TV sets. If they did, the reception would be awful. Nonetheless, when I look for cool tunes and national/international news, I look to Sirius.

It's the End of the World as We Know it...

2006-10-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

Some chump in Clarence, NY got worked in the Columbus Day '06 storm.

Yes, my power was restored. I lost it sometime during the overnight. I freaked a bit because I thought that I'd have to work and was worried about how I was going to get in. I was awake at 5:45 and tortured myself with listening to WBEN. The old time news station that is only useful when a weather event occurs. Unfortunately, they know that's their bread and butter so they resort to "chicken little" reporting to keep mental midgets entertained for hours. All I had was an old school walkman with a radio but its A.M. reception wasn't much. The commercial load was out of control. My employer wasn't mentioned during the 6:30 business closings, which made me worry. After hearing how bad my travel routes were, I began conjuring up reasonable excuses to use emergency personal leave so I wouldn't have to go in. During scenario number 3, the big boss called and told me to keep my styx at home. I stayed in bed because the heat wasn't working and I couldn't make coffee thanks to the cheap bastard landlords and their choice of electric over gas appliances.

I listened to some of the call-in action on WBEN and WNED-AM. Baaaahflo peeps are so funny. They love to bitch and moan and as Paulie Paul said, they enjoy a forum. I heard the goofy (requests that the power suppliers provide regular, real-time repair updates), the ridiculous (woman with infant and no formula, asked for help while boyfriend sits on his ass instead of walking to nearby stores), the sad (woman with nine kids and no food, adults work temp agency jobs and live hand-to-mouth), and the heartbreaking (vacationing pet owner's dog escaped from overnight kennel fire in Buffalo).

One particularly funny call was from an oldster in Sloan, aka Sloania the breakaway Republic of Cheektowaga, who was incensed with WNED-AM because they didn't mention one word about her little village. She declared that they have a Mayor and they're separate from Cheektowaga and went so far as to spell out her village's name (proof of mad skillz?). Please lady, it's an inbred enclave of a really bogus town. Get over yourself. According to the U.S. Census, it's 2.8 sq. mi. across. In 2000, it was 99.7 White, that's almost as pure as Ivory. Only 8 Black peeps were in da hizzy.

The power returned shortly after 1 p.m. I'm glad to know the contents of my freezer will be okay for the most part. I'm happy to have heat, light, and tv. You know that I'm not going near a store as the SUV slobs in search of pop, chips, and beer are wreaking havoc at the nearby Flops Communist Market.

Baaaahflo, WTF?

2006-10-12T22:51:00.000-04:00

Loser gets ready for another shitty Baaaahflo winter.

From the National Weather Service...

THE BUFFALO AIRPORT HAD OFFICIALLY RECEIVED 3 INCHES OF SNOW THROUGH 8PM. THIS MAKES OCTOBER 12, 2006 THE THIRD SNOWIEST DAY IN OCTOBER IN 137 YEARS OF WEATHER RECORDS. SIX INCHES OF SNOW OCCURRED ON OCTOBER 13, 1909 AND AGAIN ON OCTOBER 31, 1917.

I've seen everything-- slush, sun, lightning,rain and hail all in one day. My lights are flickering so I'd better make this quick...I wore backless shoes and I did not have a snow brush in my car--I only had a window scaper. I no longer park in a covered lot in downtown Buffalo. I had to pull over on the I-190 to rid the turning mechanism of my windshield wipers of snow/sleet/ice so that they'd work properly. Despite the fact that I cleared it before I left the city. I didn't find any relief until I hit the southern portion of Eeeerie County. Incredible. Why do I live here?

The Puffer

2006-08-20T14:00:00.000-04:00

I never had the chance to discuss the Transportation Safety Administration's latest terrorist prevention gizmo. I experienced this on my way to Los Angeles via the Buffalo Niagara International Airport. It was about 4:30 a.m. and myself and others were told to go through the recently installed "Puffer". My sensibilities were offended as it was so early in the morning and I had a roundtrip ticket but I cooperated otherwise I wouldn't be able to fly.
Stepping into the machine made me feel as if I were in a high-tech science fiction movie. It blew air up my skirt but not Marilyn Monroe style. Nonetheless, it gave me the willies as I felt very invaded. I looked down while it did its thing. Perhaps I was just too impatient but it seemed to be taking too long. I didn't want to look up because I didn't want it capturing images of me. Don'tcha know, as soon as I looked up within two seconds, the door opened. I'm sure that's been added to my permanent record card.

In light of the propaganda oriented event in London a couple of weeks ago, Buffalonians (along with other Americans) feel compelled to turn over their privacy to Big Brother in the name of "protection". Here's an excerpt of a letter from today's paper:

Real people and free people need to decide if it is more important to be inconvenienced by travel without liquids and gels or risk the lives of thousands. Much to the credit of Americans, they are being cooperative in light of developments in the United Kingdom. How will they behave a week from now? Or a month from now? Or, I hesitate to think, five years from now?
When will we wake up to the reality of this terrorist threat?

Look dude, this is probably another trumped up event just to make everyone capitulate to less privacy so that governmental entities can pick through your panties (literally). Think about it. They've banned liquids and gels, with the exception of medical items/devices so you can't remove your contacts if you need to or adjust your falsies if you're transgendered. But as so rightly put on today's Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR we can still bring laptops with exploding batteries aboard commercial flights. Give me a break!

Btw, if you wan't to see what's next on the agenda, click here. Read the CASPIAN press release here.

Literacy and Longing in Buffalo

2006-08-15T21:21:00.000-04:00

A recent phone interaction with a patron left me so irritated. The caller said that she read a review of a book, something about literacy in L.A.. When asked if it was fiction, non-fiction she wasn't sure. She didn't know who the author was. No biggie, it happens all the time. The review recently appeared in the Buffalo News, "you know...nothing too obscure." I replied with a slight laugh that the News doesn't do obscure too well. Crickets. Irreverent comments not appreciated. Okay, I can deal with that. As I searched, the caller lamented over the difficulty of obtaining newer titles thanks to Erie County's financial mess. I sympathized with her as I identified the title. I checked the record in a database that would tell me if it was fiction or non-fiction. As I did so, she continued on about the lack of a streamlined process to help her request new titles.(If the Library doesn't own something, a request can't be issued until a record appears in the catalog.) Again, I empathized and explained how I would go about directing her request. It's a new title and reviewed locally. Although Literacy and Longing in L.A. looked like typical, cheesy chick lit, the genre has its readers and it's the Library's mission/responsibility to serve a variety of interests. Although I rarely do it because I'm usually rebuffed, she sounded like she might be amenable to a suggestion of calling her County Legislator to voice her concerns over the lack of library funding. I should have asked her to never again purchase or eat Bison Chip Dip. She practically screamed bloody murder as she told me that she's not a County or State worker and that she pays her taxes, there's too many libraries, and it doesn't affect me. I replied that it does affect her because she's not getting the materials that she wants!! I informed her that we need people to advocate for the Library. Who wouldn't want to advocate for the Library? (I don't think she understood what 'advocate' meant--especially in context to contacting a lawmaker) A lot of politicians give lip service to libraries but they don't want to put their money where their mouth is. Of course, I couldn't be that honest and not get called out for it so I said, "you'd be surprised". She really set me off when she said, "Well, I can go to Barnes and Noble...blah, blah, blah." Hey twat face! Guess what? A public library is a communal institution that is for the benefit of everyone. Barnes and Noble, while a decent chain bookstore, is only for the benefit of those who can afford it and the stockholders who own it. Ultimately it came down to the caller saying that contacting a politician wouldn't do any good. I said that it would. She disagreed so I said, "Let's agree to disagree." and left her with my euphimistic FUCK YOU of "have a nice day" said in a syrupy tone before I hung up.

Do not tie up my phone with "Wah, wah, wah, wah...." I offer a sensible solution of what amounted to "please voice your concern to those who are supposed to adequately fund a public library" and you go off on me as if I told you to get your head out of your ass (which is what I should have done).
What she didn't get is that there is strength in numbers. The library's funding took a serious hit and lawmakers need to know the consequences from the customers not the employees. I actually sympathize with the caller's feelings of powerlessness. However, it's better to register an opinion/complaint with those who can remedy a situation rather than those who've been victimized by it. Library employees have very little control over the amount of money received. Legislators and the County Executive decide on funding.
Anyway, it's better to go down fighting than to roll over and take it. At least you've had your say. I can only imagine if I would've asked that old snatch to *write* a letter...

Local Ghouling

2006-08-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

I had the opportunity to check out the new Rick James headstone with Paulie Paul and Pavs who made a special guest star appearance in the B-lo this week-end. Unbeknownst to me, an article appeared in the Sunday Bahflo News detailing the work. It's made of granite from Vermont (my grandma's home state) and weighs two tons. It's in Forest Lawn Cemetery near the Delaware Ave "S" curves and the Scajaquada Expressway.
I didn't see the article until I returned home late on Sunday. I wondered how P&P music factory knew details. We visited on the second anniversary of his death. I would link to the article but the cheap prick known as Warren Buffet only allows ten days of free access to articles before he starts charging. If you're local, use your library card and try the "Custom Newspapers" database from the library's Web site.
On an unrelated matter, I hit Wegmans earlier today and grabbed some viddles. I was truly appalled when I stumbled upon Diabetic Living magazine at the checkout. A health problem has become so prevalent it's a "lifestyle"? Always looking to cash in, the subscription Web site describes Diabetic Living...

Diabetic Living magazine provides lifestyle information and recipes that diabetic readers of all ages can use everyday to lead normal, active lives. Content includes delicious recipes designed for diabetics, nutrition tips, exercise hints, health information, and the latest recommendations for diabetes care. The editorial mix is 65 percent recipes, 20 percent exercise, and 15 percent general health. Isn't it funny how the thing that brings many to a diabetes diagnosis is the focal point of the magazine? Too bad they don't have "Diabetes Prevention" magazine where useless eaters can get schooled on how not to drain the health care system.

Fun with Jackson Pollock

2006-07-23T09:38:00.000-04:00

Remember that "Stumble" feature I told you about on the Foxfire browser? I found the coolest Web page--it allows you to paint like Jackson Pollock! Hold the alcohol fueled tantrums.

Quote of the week comes from Riley Martin who I listened to last night while indulging in the product, "Targzissians are obviously reptilians." Stern and Martin are so much funnier when under the influence.

Puck-ding!

2006-07-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

Baaahflo native Ani DiFranco is in a fambly way--she announced the news at a NOW convention. Work it out, child, no pun intented.

Parking Lot Drama

2006-07-21T18:41:00.000-04:00

So I dropped into Flops Communist Stupid Markets to get a few quick items to tide me over until I can properly get my shop on at Smegmans (loves me some smegs). I grabbed a couple of pasta salads that didn't look too repulsive and some strawberries that are on sale. I paid for them in the express lane where an ignorant smell phone user was utilizing every extra free minute on his smellular plan during the transaction. Although annoying it was no big deal.

I left and traipsed through the parking lot. As I've said many times before, I intentionally park further out because I don't like clusterfucks. I was walking through when a car backed out slowly. The driver was looking to her right but not to her left--where I walking. She continued pulling out not looking. If I hadn't paid attention, she would've hit me. I walked around the front of her car as she continued pulling out and said rather loudly into her open window, "You should look before you drive." Of course, I knew she'd have to get her 10 cents in so I was prepared. She drove by and in her best passive/agressive Baaaahflo way she said, "I did look." Rather than engage her and point out what she did wrong just to hear her tires squeal, I snarled, "Lick me!" and kept walking. I've been so well-behaved lately that I must've had a Pink Floyd "Momentary Lapse of Reason". I wasn't proud or humored by my reaction. I was just so frustrated by her actions. I realized that this broad was trapped in a sea of SUV's and probably couldn't see very well. But on the other hand, you can't see well if you don't actually *look* before you leap!!

So in honor of this half-witted Baaaaflonian schluburbanite, here's some Crystal Myth clues:

1. Park far away from the store. Lots of stuff to schlep to your car? Use a cart. Raining? As my grandma used to say, "You won't melt". Parking further away necessitates walking. Walking= exercise. The good folks in Pueblo, Colorado have more tips.
2. Pull into a spot so you don't have to back out. This sometimes takes some manuevering but it's well worth it. You don't have to worry about potentially hitting somebody or something because your vehicle is in an awkward position.
3. Instead of seeing people as people, think of them as "baloney sandwiches". Thanks to Harry Ballicker's wisdom when we were kids, those keywords keep me focused. If you hit and injure or kill someone, by the time their "estate" is done with you, you'll be eating baloney on white into eternity. Better to be safe than sorry and look before you drive, biznitch!

Class de-smissed!

Knarly!

2006-07-18T15:18:00.000-04:00

Eeeew!! BJ is so not down...just icky!

Suspect

2006-07-17T23:25:00.000-04:00

Use caution if you encounter this buck toofed hillybilly. He may be accompanied by this woman:

She has been known to smoke Lark cigarettes and have several children fathered by three different rednecks nipping at her heels.

Isn't it funny that even in the animated world of the Simpsons there are symbols of ill mannered, skeevy trailer park peeps? Thanks to white trash drama courtesy of the asshole(s) who robbed me,I wasted 1.5 hours reporting the fraud to the bank and the police. I will have any money in my account reimbursed. I had to get new digits and accoutrement. I'm sure the losers won't be caught. There's a remote chance if they bought one of those disposable phones at the Verizon Wireless store but I doubt it. All in all it could've been a lot worse. Lessons pertaining to vigilance duly noted.

I Wuz Robbed!

2006-07-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

Holy hoodwinked Batman! Home Squirrel got rolled!!! I returned home just before 7 pm and hit the mailbox. I sorted through its contents and found a rather thin statement from my bank. I wondered what was up. It didn't feel like a regular statement, it felt like a fee for some transgression. I opened the envelope and found a grand total that was out of character for my normal banking habits. The amounts listed were numbers that I didn't recognize and I was charged several overdraft fees. I began heating up a veggie burger and sat down at the computer to access my account. I clicked on the largest amount and much to my horror, I found a check with a man's name on it but my routing and account numbers. The check was issued to an out-of-state bank. In the meantime, I had my bank on the blower. I went through automated message hell as I panicked realizing that either a major mistake happened or I was the victim of fraud. They didn't put the fraud hotline number on their message until the very end. How stupid! Nonetheless, I called the number and tried to calmly explain what was going on. As I waited for the customer service rep, I scrolled through the other transactions. Apparently, the douchebag(s) went to several grocery stores, a Verizon Wireless outlet, and motherfuckin' Walmart and either used my digits to get cash or buy things. They also went to something called Sheetz. Call me a stereotyper but from the looks of the Web site, I'm dealing with some serious cracker trash. Furthermore, I learned through my own search that the bank named on the fradulent checks merged with another nearly five years ago. A "hard hold" has been placed on my account. On Monday I'll have to sign an affidavit of forgery. I don't know how this works but I hope that they'll return any money that I lost. All I know is they can take their overdraft charges and shove them up their ass if they even attempt to collect. I don't think they will. I had only one outstanding check and I contacted that person and told them what happened. But I feel like I've been invaded. I need to change all account numbers associated with the bank. My feeling is that either their database was compromised by design flaw or an employee was handing out live account numbers to someone who was slapping them on checks from a defunct bank. Anyway, I'm not sure if I need to do fraud alerts with the creditors or what? Do they have other info on me or just that? Weigh in if you're experienced. I never checked my account everyday. I'd check it often but now that this has happened, you can bet I'll make that part of my routine. If I had done so, I would've caught this a lot sooner.

Representin'

2006-07-09T13:32:00.000-04:00

Got my fins out of bed around at 8 and drove my styx to the gym (aka Sally Maxi Pad--part of national chain with two skankalicous locations in the Baaahflo area). As I strolled in, I saw my Congressman, Brian Higgins, working my favorite back machine. For a paper pusher, he's in pretty decent shape although he ought to tone down the chest muscles as they're a bit disproportionate to his overall physique. Anyhoo, last night I met up with Mike Rite and Doo-kay to see An Inconvenient Truth. Al Gore's attempt to school the S.U.V. driving masses that global warming ain't no bullshit. I wasn't sure if I'd like Gore's presentation but I did. When he campaigned for President, his speech delivery was very Reverend Lovejoy from the Simpsons. Because he doesn't have much to lose and seemingly knows his subject well, it was an enjoyable presentation. He got his barbs in but more importantly he made succinct points with well-chosen visuals to show how we're harming the environment. I don't think it will win best documenatry but I'll bet it will be nominated by the Academy. Back to my Congressman...I didn't want to bother him with a number of issues that I could've yammered on about e.g. the Patriot Act, Net Neutrality, rubbery flubbery out of shape Buffalonians, etc. I decided to recommend the Gore film to him but only if the opportunity presented itself. There' s nothing worse than looking like an attention starved local yokel. I finished the treadmill and I was getting supplies to wipe it down when he approached. Higgins just came off the "Butt Buster" (yes, it exists. the trademark was abandoned 10 years ago. the documentation includes this disclaimer: NO CLAIM IS MADE TO THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO USE "BUTT" APART FROM THE (trade) MARK AS SHOWN, i.e. butt buster) and was catching his breath.

I took off my I-Pad earpieces and said, "I won't bother you while you're not working but have you seenthe movie An Inconvenient Truth?" He puffed at me, "No, I haven't." I smiled and gazed quickly at his lower torso--his feet were in the exit position. Knowing my time was limited I said, "Do so." He smiled back and said, "Thank you" and made a quick getaway. He was probably surprised that someone recognized him--locals don't pay much attention. He was probably more surprised that Baahflo peeps show up at the gym.

I know, the California photo essay is overdue, I'll get to it...

Postcard from L.A.

2006-06-22T07:57:00.000-04:00

Reporting live from L.A.... I feel like Louella Parsons minus the scoop. The only one that I can provide is what I've seen thus far.

To backtrack...getting out of Bahflo at ungodly hour is such a pain in the dupa! I left my suburban digs at 3:40 in the a.m. so that I could get through security and to the gate. I had the joy of experiencing the "puffer". More on that later but suffice it to say, "Welcome to the Matrix".

Washington Dulles is not the place to land if you're staying in D.C. It's just too far away. I learned that from past experience. For connecting with your flight, it's okay. I didn't eat much before leaving so I found a "Annie's Pretzels" franchise that didn't have a major line. The Wendy's next door was just teeming with people so AP won by default. I ordered a cinnamon sugar pretzel, which in Billy Fucillo terms was HUUUUUUUGGGGGE. It was also dipped in butter and laden with cinnamon sugar goodness. Could home girl get a small bag or napkin with her purchase? Apparently not. I thought I could get a napkin from the condiment area but I was out of luck. I tried to ask the counter help but it was all instant line, add water.Thankfully, Wendy's had plenty so I swiped one from them.

Driving in L.A. is wild. As Fry says, peeps are way unpredictable with lane changes and exits. It's more trying when you've been up since 3 eastern time and you don't know you're way around. I managed but I did end up at the Queen Mary in Long Beach a little earlier than I anticipated. Its interior is just goregous. A living example of fine art deco. I took photos and will post when I get back.

As you know, I'm getting my ghoul on today! I also plan on hitting an In and Out burger. Paulie Paul is way down with 'em and the flight attendant that I talked to on my first flight is from Long Beach and insisted that I go there. Rock on!

La La The Tragical History Tour

2006-06-17T21:38:00.000-04:00

I'm so pumped! Hell's yeah I'm underemployed but I'm goin' back to Cali, Cali...stylin', realizin'....oh sorry...
I needed a change of a scenery and it just so happens that Alex Jones is having a boowah fest next week-end in Los Angeles. With Karen and Fry from France in the 'hood, it was a good opportunity so I got my Carpe Diem on and I'm Audi 5K.
I guess you could call this my "throwing caution to the wind on a budget" tour. I managed to get decent air/car rental prices. Karen and Fry are allowing me to crash at their joint. Every little bit helps. I'll have some "me" time while the goils are working it so I decided to book a Dearly Departed Tour. I wasn't going to do it but then I reconsidered after realizing that I don't get out that way too often. If you're going to do something, you might as well do it all the way. I'm really excited! I think I just talked to Scott Michaels who's the owner/operator of the business. He's a serious ghoul hound or as he refers to those of who enjoy dead celeb culture, a death hag. It's all about the celebrity death beeper. Anyway, Michaels also runs Find A Death so I hope he leads the tour because he has to be a font of macabre celebrity knowledge. I'll let you know how my ghoul bonding went.
Nonetheless, it's been a crazy week and I have loose ends to tie up before I bolt. Peace out if I don't squawk to you soon.

Me 1 Telemarketer 0

2006-06-12T09:18:00.000-04:00

Like so many others, I'm on the federal and state do not call lists. Of course, some "charities" are allowed to call thanks to the loopholes that the laws provide. I was listening to a program on my I Pod (via the stereo) and doing things around my place when the phone rang. Thinking that it was French Fry I picked up the phone only to be greeted with noise then "Hello is Mrs. so and so in?" To a single chick such as myself the Mrs. is a red flag and a cue to have some fun. I replied, "Who's calling?"
The telemarketer tried to launch into her spiel..."I'm not selling anything. I'm Denise and I'm calling from the blah blah Diabetes Association..."

With a serious but annoyed tone, I replied, "Oh, no thanks, I don't want any diabetes." As I hung up the phone, I cackled and said, "I rock."

Bear is a Puzzy

2006-06-11T14:51:00.000-04:00

Pookie kickin' ass, reminds me of Spike Rite's sister's late cat Misty who wanted to beat up the neighbor's dog. See the big wubby for yourself here.