Internet Abyss

It's almost the end of the month and I just realized that I haven't blogged. The most exciting thing that I've done is hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland with Mike Rite and Fry. Full report at a later date as I don't want to fall into the abyss known as the Internet. Once I start surfing, I don't stop and I need to if I'm going to get anything accomplished before I sleep.

Have a Nice Day!

I know, I wrote in a previous post that I'd stay the hell away from Flops Communist Stupid Markets but what can I say? It's near my place.
I was driving through the parking lot when a silver SUV started backing out. I lightly tapped my horn. The SUV kept creeping out. I tapped my horn again. Still, it kept creeping out. I beeped, yet again and it kept coming. I'm sick and tired of these gas guzzling dick wipes who think they own the world because they have a vehicle that's as big as their ass. Typically these folks think that if they just keep backing out, you'll acquiesce and let them out. Not this time. I hit the gas and the horn and drove behind the offending SUV. I pulled into my spot. I intentionally park far from the door (unless it's freezing cold or rainy) so I can get some exercise unlike most slovenly peeps. The SUV driver looked in my direction as he manuevered out of his spot. I thought to myself, "bring it on motherfucker!" I was ready and I certainly wasn't going to be a pussy and hide in the car. I got out and walked toward the vehicle. The window unrolled and this yuppie cock looked at me with his best phony smile and said, "excuse me?" He thought that he'd have some fun with a typical, angry and probably hysterical female on the verge of a meltdown. I looked at him with my best fake customer service smile and said, "have a nice day, sir!" That's my standard euphimism for "fuck you" when some gives me a hard time at work and I can't really say what I think. Most of the time, I sincerely mean that phrase because most patrons are very nice. But I do reserve it for troublemakers. He replied, "you too, mam!", which made me wonder if he understood the true meaning of my nicety or was he stunned that I didn't blow up? He used "mam", which I find annoying because it has an elderly connotation to it. So I threw in a Saturday Night Live Total Bastard Airlines skit "Buh-bye" with all of the saccharine I could muster. Total douchebag!

Runaway Bride

With all of the real problems in the world it was no surprise that the mainstream media focused on another potential suburban-white-woman-killed-by-her-significant other story a la Laci Peterson. You must have heard about a Georgia bride-to-be who disappeared this week while out for a jog. Authorities,friends, and family were thrown into a tizzy searching everywhere while her fiance had to get lawyered up and take a private lie detector test, which he passed. Turns out she kicked it Greyhound style and when she contacted her family she tried to make up a story about "abductors" feeling the heat from media and letting her go. Within a half-hour that devolved into I had a freak out and needed time alone. Well, no shit! You only invited 600 people to witness your vows and the wedding party only added up to 28 attendants. I don't know if she had flower girls, ring bearers, or scripture readers. Were you having a wedding or a circus?! So many peeps are wrapped up in the show and don't think about the marriage. The reason for the wedding. I would love to know how much cash they wasted on a humungous wedding that was cancelled. Had she only known that New Mexico authorities would have provided this costume free of charge.

Light Rash

I was doing some searching around on Amazon for books when I stumbled on this redneck mess. Check it out--uninformed opinions loaded with misspellings. I wonder if this loser keeps a Klan robe handy, just in case he gets the urge...

Snow Sucks!!

Okay, it's April 3 and it's snowing like a mofo. Yes, I know, I live in Buffalo but what the hell is going on? It was 50 something degrees last week!! I hung out with Fry and Paulie Paul who did a brief "hit and forgit" trip back home. We had a really nice meal at Brodo on Elmwood Ave. It's a soup and wine bar with a very nice, cozy atmosphere. I like my description better than the one that I've linked to but I stumbled upon this Yenta Web site and I couldn't resist...Anyway, I had a bowl of cream of broccoli soup and a panini with applewood bacon, slices of apple, and NYS cheddar cheese. Yum! We had a tasty chianti too. Paul and I did some visiting--one of my work peeps had a birthday party so we stopped in for a quick drink and to say hello. He hosts a local cable show and ambushed me for a guest spot, ugh! I never felt comfortable in front of a camera--I'm much better either behind the scenes or behind a microphone. I'm too self-conscious for TV. Anyway we ended up at the Crocodile Bar on the "Chippewa Strip"--holy frat people Batman! I felt like I was a guest on the Fraternity/Sorority Life franchise from MTV. Nonetheless, we made the best of it. It's always good to see my homeboy!

Guess Who Fuckin' Cares?!

A few days ago, I was trolling the Internet for movie information when I stumbled on the fact that Ashton Kutcher of Demi Moore, Punk'd, and That 70's Show fame is starring in a new movie with Bernie Mac. It's called Guess Who"a new comedy loosely based on the classic Sidney Poitier and Spencer Tracy film, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner." according to large and in-charge Okra Winfrey. Holy shit, she's such a douche! Wait a second, I can't decide who's the bigger feminine hygiene product, her for promoting it or Kutcher and Mac for agreeing to be in it! It's playing to mixed reviews and I shouldn't be so judgemental considering that I haven't seen but good God...Why would anyone even think about trying to re-create that movie? Seriously. It was Hep and Tracy's last film. It made serious commentary about race relations at a time when tensions were beyond heightened. The poignant speech made by Tracy's character toward the end of the film was ad-libbed! The dude was such a great actor that he spoke from his heart rather than follow the script. And it worked! If I'm not mistaken, Hepburn put her salary up as backing for the film because Tracy was so ill they didn't think he'd survive the filming. This was an incredible movie and to even think of re-making it is disrespectful. It just goes to show you that Hollywood has nothing original going on. They constatntly dip into old ideas and even classic cartoons in hopes of making a buck. I leave you with the words of Henry Rollins (who's still hot even w/gray hair) who's film review show is worth watching...

"Meet the Fockers?! I don't want to meet the Fockers. Fuck the Fockers, okay? The buck stops with you. Stop showing up. You are the ultimate green light!"
Henry Rollins, March 11, 2005

Inside Deep Throat

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Tops Never Stops Ripping You Off

If you know anything about Bah-flo, NY, you know that overall we have decent supermarkets. We'd better as there are a lot of large and in-charge peeps who are scared of vegetables and down with chemicalized food to supplement their chicken wings (pronounced in Buffalo parlance as "checken wahngs") beef on weck (aka beef on "wick", love the flat a sound around here) and pizza fixes. Nonetheless, I digress. Tops was an Italian owned supermarket that had a good inventory which included decent produce and in-house bakery products. Sometime in the 1970's Wegmans Supermarkets from nearby Rochester, NY invaded the Buffalo/Western New York area and gave homegrown Tops (aka Flops) a run for its money. Smegmans succeeded especially in light of the fact that the original owners sold out to a Dutch concern (Royal Ahold aka Royal Assholes) that has been having some scandalous issues. Smegmans produce, deli, and inventory kick total ass next to Flops. The personnel that works at Wegmans is a lot friendlier than most of the surly kids that I run into.
Tops along with many other businesses are looking for ways to reduce their costs. Eliminating staff and turning you, yes you the customer, into your own chief cashier has been one of their goals. If I have a major order, I wait for the surly kids to schlep it. If not, I do it myself and get the hell out of that anti-Christ bohemoth. Why do I go there? As much as I love me some Smegmans, Smeg's isn't centrally located. Flops is right near my place. Anyway, I decided to become a Flops employee on my way home last night. I bought some tomato sauce, cream cheese, and shredded pizza cheese and did the self checkout. I was cleaning up my place and just found the receipt. At the bottom it said, "I'm glad you shopped here today. Your Cashier--Whitney" As Mrs. Broflovsky from South Park would say "Wha?Wha?What?" Whitney didn't do shitney as far as getting my order out the door! She may have been supervising the four self checkouts but she didn't do squat in assisting. That's a total insult--they want you to be free labor and then they have the balls to say some skank ho who I didn't even see performed a service. Wrong! I hate that store and will return to Smegs asap!!

WMA Syndrome

No, what I'm writing about hasn't been diagnosed as a bona fide disease that you need to fear catching. Just be afraid if you're exposed to it. "WMA Syndrome" is a phrase that I've coined due to something that I've noticed over the last few years. "WMA" stands for Wipe My Ass. It's name was partially inspired by an old college prof who taught literature courses with life discussions on the side. He marveled over how individuals can be so helpless. One day he went off on a rant and said in a patronizing way "...this is how you you wipe your ass..." and made the hand/butt motion. It made me laugh and stuck with me. Anyway, now that I'm a real grown-up I get what Marv was trying to say. Here's how it works in my line of work reference librarian in a public facility. I am a public servant who is committed to assist our patrons in every way possible. Public libraries are one of the last institutions where everyone is treated equally and all that is required is to walk in and have a desire to learn. I take pride in helping people manuever in our catalog and databases. I enjoy teaching people how to fully take advantage of what their tax dollars pay for. What I don't enjoy is wiping their asses. Unfortunately, the consumer mentality is becoming entirely too pervasive. Examples of this include people who are looking for information about an involved topic and expect to find it neatly packaged and ready for them to grab off the shelf. Complex research isn't like shopping for a new outfit. It takes time and work on the part of the individual. Why is it that someone's expiring parking meter or typical "it's due tomorrow" deadline have to become my problem? Why do people feel that free computer use and Internet access means that a public library has turned into Kinko's/computer lab? You wouldn't believe how many people try to turn you into their lackey because they're unwilling to learn how to do something. God forbid you suggest that they look at books on using Microsoft Word. The library provides the tools, the user provides the expertise. Unfortunately, we can't spend intensive time teaching. It used to be easier when we could tell the public about free computer courses that the library offered. Due to Erie County's budget problems, those classes are no longer being held.
I just wish the peeps would take responsibility for themselves. I have enough to worry about.

Michael Jackson

All I want to know is when the trial is over, how about the kid's parents are charged and tried for allowing their child to sleep with a grown man? His parents are no better than the accused. To be fair and balanced, I'll let Michael tell his side of the story, please turn your audio on...

She's out on bail and out of jail and that's the way it goes...

Cane. Sugar. (insert bassline here)It's all for Grandmaster Flash & the Furious 5 and Melle Mel! If you haven't fingered it out yet, I'm talking aobut former Bahflonian Mothra Stewart. That's right, more shocking than her jail sentence is the fact that she started out in Buffalo, NY. The City's East side is where she lived until she was whisked away to an even better place...New Jersey. The East side is home to the old skool Polish community and Sister squirrelfriend is down with pierogies, da Broadway Market dere hey, and she's even had Vidler's 5 & 10 on her show. Now that I almost totally outted her--I would've included her Polish maiden name but I don't know it and I couldn't spell it if I did. Although she did commit a crime and lied about it, how about the Enrons and Halliburtons of this world? They made a big deal out of her and for that matter the Rigases who had shady dealings in Adelphia Cable but you didn't see the media circus around those friendly to the Bush folks (Enron, Halliburton, etc.). Despite her wrongdoing, I think the Bushies used her to divert attention from their friends. Her payoff is the lucrative deals that come from the notoriety and the public relations spin that kept her in the public eye when she was in the clink. Now Deborah Norville plans on discussing Martha's post-jail life by broadcasting her CNN morning show live from her Wrong Island, NY home on Monday. I think it's on in the a.m.--I don't have time to watch that crap when I'm hauling pussoir to work--Ugh! Let's hope Norville will do a segment on how she performs feminine hygiene chores with her ankle bracelet on.
While I'm on the subject of jailed corporate crooks, I found it rather funny that the announcement of Adelphia Cable becoming the first cable company to air triple X films on pay-per-view and it's subsequent decision not to do so, arrived to little fanfare. John Rigas, a staunch republican, dropped the "Spice" network five years ago because he found it offensive. The recent decision to be porn "pioneers" was due to the earnings potential of pay-per-view and video-on-demand and public demand. An Adelphia spokesperson said, "People want it, so we are trying to provide it. The more Xs, the more popular." They quickly abandoned this effort when the religious nutters chimed in against it. Adelphia was afraid they'd tarnish the already bankrupt company's image as it hits the selling block. Tarnished image=low profits. Nonetheless, I was tempted to write the local news rag and say that I'm not offended by porn and as an adult I choose for the most part not to watch it (cheezy and free Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee videos aside--thanks Paulie). What offends me is corporate heads who raid company funds to supplement their lavish lifestyles with the expectation that the stockholders pay for the bail-out. Rigas is a self-righteous douchebag.
Speaking of douches, here's a great article on Erie County government and how badly they mangled the budget situation.

Fear and Loathing

The literary world lost a major contributor in the death of Hunter S. Thompson. Although I was on vacation from work last week, I was up really early and saw the news online. It was such a bummer. Years ago I read Hells Angels and enjoyed his adventures. I decided to try Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and laughed so hard that I nearly wet my pants. That book truly won me over. I was glad that other cool media outlets gave him props. The Daily Show played a video blurb along with his name and years while Democracy Now's Amy Goodman paid tribute. I've always wanted to read Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail because I feel that's an era of history that I know very little about and who's a better guide than HST? I'm going to read it with an appreciation that I wouldn't had previously. HST studied the death of Ernest Hemingway. I wish he hadn't been such a good student...

TGIF!

Even though I have to work tomorrow...It's been a busy bunch of days. Just last week-end I was in NYC visiting my pal Paulie and his partner Pavs. I arrived in time for dinner on Thursday. We went to the Le Singe Verte where I strapped on a pms feedbag of steak and frites--delish! Paul had me try an escargot which was done in butter and garlic. Interesting, don't know if could do a full order of those on my own. Right after we sat down, Ted Allen ,the food dude,from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy wandered in with some butchy looking chick and some other dude. My second QE sighting (We saw Carson on 8th Ave. near the London Pharmacy). Paul assured me that if Ted was down with Le Singe, it was all good. True,true. I tried not to stare and be too much of a tourista. Friday we headed off to the box office at the Golden Theatre because I've been wanting to see Avenue Q for about a year. Ever since it won the Tony, it's been popular. I checked tix availability online but no dice. We found two seats in row O for the Friday night performance at the box office. What a great show!!! It's irreverent, snarky, and just plain fun. Truisms for all ages even though it is targeted to the 20-30 something set. The show we caught had two understudies Angela Ai as Christmas Eve and Carmen Ruby Floyd as Gary Coleman. I recently listened to the soundtrack, which was nominated for a best musical Grammy, and I must say that by comparison, the understudies did a bang-up job. Carmen Ruby Floyd (on the left in the link) is a Niagara University graduate--go on with your bad self! Paul and I took in MoMA after the long awaited remodeling. The extra room is beneficial to the works and the patrons. On Saturday we set our sights on trying a deep fried twinkie. A Brooklyn restaurant, The Chip Shop, is credited with starting the craze. They also serve deep fried MARS bars and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. To quote Paulie, the Reeses were the "money shot". Deep fried batter with melty good chocolate and peanut butter. My advice is to bypass the traditional English fare and head straight for dessert. The savory grub is good but dessert is the real deal. As if that weren't enough, we decided to head down to Hudson Street for Jacques Torres's Chocolate Haven where the hot chocolate is to die for. I had the traditional while Paul had the wicked hot chocolate. It has ground sweet ancho chili peppers and smoked ground chipolte chili peppers in addition to allspice and cinammon. It had just enough of a kick. Both flavors were like drinking chocolate pudding. Yum! Later that evening we hung out with our old friend Sean Rite and had Chinese food and some lovely wine. It's always fun hanging with former Bahflo peeps. I decided to use the subway to get into and out of Manhattan because cab fare is $50+--wrong! No problems getting there but now I sympathize with the natives after running into train schedule drama. I didn't notice the signs and the announcements were muffled enough so I couldn't hear that the E train wasn't heading straight for Jamaica station (where you catch the Air Train to Kennedy). All of the sudden, I found myself on a rather empty train heading for 169th St. in Queens. Luckily, an astute native alerted me to this and between the two of us we figured out how to get on the right track, literally.
It's good to be back but work life has been crazier than ever, as they say in Avenue Q "It sucks to be me!"

Lazy Boy TV

I have a lot to accomplish today so I won't wax poetic but check this out. It's heavy food for thought...

Pants Crappingly Scary

To steal a line from the Daily Show... This sums up what went down in southeast Asia following the earthquake and tsunami in December. I was deeply concerned especially after visiting Thailand in November. Koh Samui is a beautiful island and its inhabitants are just as lovely. As soon as I heard the news, my thoughts were with the nice people I had met. While I was there, one of the workers mentioned the monsoon season and how rough it could be. Obviously the tsunami had that beat. The blogger community response to this event has been huge. Bloggers posted information and photos of the missing. They also publicized a number of charities that were taking donations. I hope the money is actually getting to the people instead of the pockets of government officials. I think the Red Cross, the East Timor Action Network (Aceh is seriously hurting--especially with the questionable human rights practices prior to the tsunami), and Doctors Without Borders are solid organizations to give money to.
I'm heading off to work so I can't comment fully but suffice to say that I was amazed that FOX News didn't cover this story when it first broke. Pundits prattled on over their typical targets while the world fell apart. Perhaps they didn't care because it didn't happen on U.S. soil and many of those effected were of a different color?

2004 Word of the Year

My first annual "Word of the Year" Award goes to.... (turn on your audio)"douchebag". Although it has been in existence for years, its recurring use in the media has been much to my amusement. Jon Stewart of The Daily Show used this word most effectively e.g. "Robert Novak--the douchebag of liberty." and the show also awarded Novak the Congressional Medal of Douchebaggery. It is with great pleasure that I give "douchebag" my first annual "Word of the Year".

Monet

You know that line from the movie Clueless about people's looks in relationship to the works of artist Monet?

Tai: Do you think she's pretty?
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess.

The following news story is a living example of the above. In China, they held the Plastic Surgery Pageant where a 22 year old with cheek implants won the big prize. Use the link provided, read the story and then click on the photo---yikes!! Just nasty. Those cheeks will become part of her labia in another 10 years. There was a great article in Entertainment Weekly recently regarding major actresses whose plastic surgery is ruining their ability to get decent parts. The work they've had done distracts too much from the potential role. To make matters worse, a lot of these dopes are queens of denial. Case in point, 41 year old Nicollette Sheridan told EW's sister publication People in the Dec. 20 2004 issue that rumors of lifts to her face, eyes, and brow are "malicous and patently false". Her longtime friend and Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan examined her face and backed up her story by explaining that her more angular look is due to aging. What?! Just own up to it already.

The following has nothing to do with the above but in the spirit of the holidays, here's a gift to you. Someone has put together freely accessible Saturday Night Live transcripts. The site allows you to search for guests and characters. "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood" was always a favorite sketch.

It's beginning to look a lot like Grimace...

I woke up this a.m. and realized that Christmas is only a week away!
Things have been funky at the workstead as of late. I'm a public librarian and our funding was endangered. Long story short, some of it was restored but not all resulting in an 11% staffing reduction. A lot of people at my location were either let go or reduced to part-time with benefits in hopes of retirements creating openings for those on the callback list. I feel very badly for these people. I was fortunate enough to keep my job but next year looks equally glum for library service. The public system has 52 libraries now but I guarantee there will be fewer in 2006. There are a number of people who are against consolidation. I hate to say it but these folks have a mentality that rhymes with light rash. They don't understand that economically, the System as it exists cannot survive. Their position is based on emotion and nostalgia with no research to back themselves up. In these trying economic times, feelings are easily crushed in favor of reality.

Anyway, with the up and down rollercoaster I've been riding, Christmas shopping was done cautiously as I feared the unenjoyment line. I guess now I can get to my regularly scheduled programming.

Much to my dismay, I found out that the ACLU is having privacy issues. The New York Times reports that the organization charged with defending civil liberties plans on using data mining to get a read on its membership's financial wealth. I'm deeply disappointed. Earlier this year, the ACLU registered for a federal charity drive that required it to certify that it would not knowingly employ people whose names were on government terrorism watch lists. Later they withdrew from this effort and joined other non-profits in a suit to contest the watch list agreement.

Pay for access programming is ubiquitous for television and now for radio courtesy of satellite radio but there are still some good freebies online. Check out
Air America for shows from Mike Molloy who is very entertaining. He's living in dangerous times being a southern based liberal who espouses some interesting conspiracy theories.

I miss hockey...

plain and simple. Most Buffalo peeps are down with football, but not me. I tried. Even when da Bills were in the Stupor Bowls. I had little to no interest. Football on TV is too stop and go for me. Hockey is where it's at--fast paced and always a chance for a throwdown. The season has been put on hold since the players and the NHL can't agree on new contract terms. Today marks day 88 of the lockout. However, there may be some movement on Tuesday as the players have submitted a new proposal that includes rollbacks on salaries. In the meantime, I'm seriously jonesing. No Hockey Night in Canada and no brawls. The closest I got was basketbrawl with the Pistons and the Pacers. I started trolling the Internet in search of hockey fight video and came up with some good ones. Here's a classic brawl from this past season. My hockey hero Rob Ray led the way by mixing it up with Philly's Donald Brashear. When all was said and done, the refs handed out 419 minutes in penalties (in one game) to an assortment of players, an NHL record. Check it out here!
This same site,which promotes itself as "tasteless humor for the unemployed", has a fight reel set to some cool music.
Big ups to hockeyfights.com one of my favorite sites. Let's hope Christmas comes early for hockey fans.

Arise Sir Loin of Beef

Decided to surf the Internet rather than get to a lot of other things that I should. I usually find something interesting or amusing. I wanted to find out if the public library owns vol. 2 of the Looney Tunes Golden Collection. I needed further bibliographic information since I wasn't having any luck in the catalog. I found the second volume and discovered that some of the toons listed were old favorites. For example "Broomstick Bunny", "I Love to Singa"--the latter had me trying to figure out lyrics. A little searching around paid off in the form of Looney Laughs, Lists, and Lyrics. A great site for cartoon trivia buffs. The lyrics page is impressive with words to the basic Looney Tune themes and obscure songs like "Gorilla My Dreams" and "Hillbilly Hare". A favorite link is the celebs appearing for real or as a caricature. Check it out and "Arise Sir Ossis of Liver..."