Breeding

I could really go off about those who breed and have no business doing so but I'll just be specific and cite today's Dear Abby column.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom of an active 3-year-old boy, with another on the way. Before my son, "Chad," was born, my husband and I took in a loving yellow Labrador, "Sparky" (now 8), who had been neglected. While I love Sparky very much, he is just too much work for me because he is so needy. He often becomes nervous and "stuck" in certain rooms and must be physically coaxed into the next room. His anxiety causes him to bark uncontrollably at cars, people walking by, etc. He is absolutely out of control when someone comes to the door. He has damaged our home, wakes us up when we're sleeping, wants to go in and out all day, and is constantly underfoot. Our efforts to train Sparky have failed, and I'm simply out of patience.The trouble is, my husband has no sympathy for the difficulty this causes me when I'm home during the day, and he refuses to discuss alternative options. I don't know what to do and have overwhelming feelings of guilt. I find myself actually looking forward to the day when Sparky dies so that I can be relieved of this burden. Please help. -- DOG TIRED, PALMYRA, N.Y.

Abby wisely tells her to consult with her vet and a pro dog trainer and if none of that works, return him to the rescue group where she got him. Fine. But the reality is if you're planning on having a family, why take in a needy dog? The fact that he had been neglected should have told you that he needed extra care. I'm tired of people thinking that animals are expendable.Last night, I was at Petsmart and I read the notes on the cage of a pretty tortoise colored cat. The writer noted that she had been thrown out of moving car. Nice. I hope instant karma takes care of the douchebag that was heartless enough to do that. Give me a great pet over an idiot person any day!

Alvin and the Chipmunks

As some of you know, I have a "Little Sister" who I mentor. She's a cool kid who doesn't ask for much so when she said that she wanted to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, I put aside my preconceived notions and took her. It was a suburban movie house filled with kids and parents, many of which were in my age bracket. Overall, not a bad movie--I was actually pleased to know ahead of time that Arrested Development's David Cross (Tobias Funke) was in the film. I must be the only one who knows his work because he had several subtle lines in Alvin and I was the only one who laughed. Does having kids eliminate your sense of sophisticated humor? Or maybe they were never sophisticated in the first place....

Don't Tase Me at Worst Buy, Bro!

The catchphrase of the year is..."Don't Tase Me, Bro" as uttered by a Florida college student who had the audacity to question former Presidential candidate and current Senator, John F. Kerry about his Skull and Bones membership. I don't have statistics but tasing is getting out of control. If you fart in public, look out! You'll be tased for your crop dusting. The latest tasing went down at Worst Buy. Check it! Daytona, Florida Police say they were within their rights to tase a customer! She left the store to taking an upsetting cell phone call and her behavior was reported as suspicious. She returned only to be confronted by police who promptly tasered her for doing nothing! Incredible. What is this world coming to?

The Kids are Not Alright...

The increasing frequency of child predators using the Internet to find prey gives one pause. The latest case centers around a 48 year old pig who lured as many as 16 underage girls to send him pictures of their goodies. He's accused of using myspace and posing as a hot 20 year old guy who advertised that he was looking for "dirty girls who like doing dirty things". When some started balking, he issued threats of telling their parents, posting photos online or posting them at school.

So many issues and not enough time... Technology can be a lifesaver at most and a great convenience at the very least. But in the hands of the wrong people i.e. perverts and BRATZ generation kids who have no concept of privacy and think porn star is an attainable career, it's dangerous. Parents don't question the fact their kids are being marketed to. They don't mind that their kids are over-commercialized and supersized, because it makes them just like dear old mom and dad. A kid with too much technology, too little guidance, and too many hormones is prime pickings for a scummy 48 year old cafeteria worker.

The perpetrator is definitely wrong and disgusting, if he is guilty of what he's accused of. However, the girls' parents are not blameless. They should be taken to task for not supervising them and for not effectively educating them about protecting themselves and their privacy. There have always been dirtbag Chester Molester types but technology brings them into your environment and allows them access to your child. No more stalking kids in public! Chet knocks back some Genny screamers and generic cigs while he's plotting to victimize your kid.



Here's what I'm pondering...why are adults infantilized and why are kids being dressed and treated as mini-adults and given expensive electronic accessories?

I think we should have classes called, "Do Not e-mail or Electronically Publicize Your Cooch, Snatch, Dick, Giggleberries, Boobies, or Bunghole until You're at Least 18 Years Old". This should be taught starting at about 5th grade. Furthermore, how about asking these kids to think into the future? Do they really want memories of their 15 year old beavers being ogled by their 12 year old sons when they discover some "vintage" porn? Good fucking grief!

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Now playing: The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes/a>

Stub Hub!

I entered the "lottery" to buy Ice Bowl or NHL/AMP Winter Classic tickets. I was notified that I didn't win. I opted to buy the HSBC party tickets, which were cheaper and warmer. Essentially, you get to watch the game that's being played at Ralph Wilson Stadium between the Sabes and the Penguins (Penguins is practically chickens--scroll down, look for Hobo) in the arena. Anyway, I was notified that they found extra tickets and that I did win. I almost gave them to my hockey nut, fartin' cousin but then I thought...this bitch is pretty much sold out...get money! Within an hour, I sold my tix for almost four times what they were worth. Awww yeah! Some sucker from Chicago bought them even though they were obstructed view. I said so up front. Reading is fun-da-mental!

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Now playing: Urge Overkill - Sister Havana
via FoxyTunes

Hair

I had an uncle who worked this look in the mid '70's. My bad hair days amount to a Linc comparison.

Hey Dere Hi Dere Don't Tase Me Dere!

I'm poking fun at the Baaahflo Polish connection but the reality is this past week a 40 year old Polish dude who was trying to settle with his mother in Canada experienced death-by-taser. Their problem was that they didn't understand the logistics of navigating the airport in Vancouver. That prevented an efficient meeting. They also didn't get that we live in a new world where you can be killed at the scareport. For the full story click here
(It includes a nearly 10 min. long video)

On the video you hear authorities saying that the man speaks Russian and they need an interpreter. Hey genius, you should have got that interpreter about 9.5 hours before. By the time the guy started getting antsy, he'd been held ten hours. Oh and by the way betch, he spoke Polish until the storm troopers tasered his dupa!

Something along the same lines happened in the Arizona airport about a month ago. A well-to-do woman who'd been in rehab spazzed over missing a connection. Authorities jumped on her, handcuffed her and left her alone. She'd been drinking and ended up choking herself to death.

We're really doing something about those terrorists aren't we? They must have changed the definition to foreigners who don't speak English and desperate housewives with substance abuse issues.

Cryin' Shame

Unfortunately, I can't locate the image but could people stop literally crying over sports losses? The cover of the New York Post recently featured some little tool from Babylon, Wrong Island boo-hooing over the Mets getting knocked out of the play-offs. I heard some tearful grown woman doing as much on an audio clip via CBS news. What's wrong with these people? Granted the little tool is only 6 years old and is now a "celebrity" after having his mug all over the place. But the adult? Come on! There are far greater tragedies in the world than loser sports teams. Those dudes still get a serious paycheck at the end of the day. I'm down with the NHL program but you'll never see me shed real tears over losses--believe me being a Sabres fan is a tough task but I take it in stride. It's called balance and awareness of the world beyond sports, beyond the U.S. Get real people!

p.s. Gore Vidal interview on Canadian TV's The Hour, he rules.

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Now playing: Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye
via FoxyTunes

25 Top Documentary Films Named

I'm a docs fiend. I'll watch just about anything if it's a documentary. This probably stems from not having cable as a kid and being left to my own devices--public television programming--much of it about war. "David L. Wolper Presents..." was always a fave. The International Documentary Association named its best of, which can be viewed here. Bowling, Inconvenient, good choices. Crumb is amazing. Maysles Bros. rule. Grey Gardens is one of their films--watching that you feel sorry for Jackie O's as the skeletons are dragged out of her family closet. A few on the list I haven't seen but will do so. I'm surprised the 7 Up series wasn't named. It's the pre-cursor to reality TV and 49 Up will be on PBS this week. The director has worked with the same kids from the age 7 to 49--their lives are seen warts and all. It's really a study in class and outcome in British society.

Quote of the day comes from Buffalo's Craiglist:
"This is why the social environment here is jam-packed with men (and women) who reek of Labbatt Blue, cheap cologne and desperation."
from the Rants and Raves section

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Now playing: Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

I Shook the Hand of the "Most Dangerous Man in America"

Okay, so I'm burning some music to I-Tunes so I can give under utilized CD's to Goodwill to de-clutter my crib. Of course, I'm digging into some craft brew. Tonight's selection is from Middle Ages Brewing and it goes by the name of Black Heart Stout. Dark as molasses with a very satisfying malty finish. I highly recommend it.
So what do I mean by the headline? I've known about the career of Buffalo actor and labor organizer Manny (Emanuel) Fried for years. He came to my attention after I found out he appeared in the film Buffalo 66. He's the donut clerk who interacts with Billy (played by Vincent Gallo) toward the end of the film. I learned from a colleague that he was called before the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) in Buffalo to answer charges in the 1950's. He gave the Committee hell and they never bothered him again. Although the F.B.I. was on him for the nearly the rest of his life. He's 94 now and is still a delegate to the AFL-CIO. Anyway, he's in a one man show from Road Less Traveled Productions called Boilmakers and Martinis. It documents his life as he reflects on his marriage to a local socialite. Fried discusses the ensuing conflicts between his union position and the toll it takes on his relationship and the lives of his children. It's a truly fascinating story! The headline is in reference to a story he told about a Catholic priest who tried to warn the working faithful that Fried was nothing but a "low life" Commie. Given Fried's age, this could be his swan song so I cleared my calendar.
I had the pleasure of interacting with him. He was using a walker due to recent hip surgery and was talking to a few people in the lobby (the Market Arcade is loaning space to RLTP). He finally announced that he would see them later. He made his way over to a bench. I tried to get into the theater but was told that seating wasn't available just yet. I sat on the bench next to the old gentleman. I thought it was him, but I wasn't sure. Finally, I asked him if he was Manny Fried. He said yes. "Wait a minute, this is your show and you can't get in?". He chuckled and explained that he enters after the audience because the Market Arcade doesn't have a traditional backstage area. I told him that I was excited to see him on stage because I had never done so. He talked about his last appearance in "Tuesdays with Morrie". He was very gracious.
After the show, a Q & A opportunity arose so of course, I raised my hand and stated that he'd been called before HUAC in Buffalo and asked why he didn't address this directly in the show. He said that he had but it would take 2.5 additional hours to discuss so the producers asked that he didn't. He explained that he questioned the validity/legality of HUAC's existence. He asked that he be indicted so he could test his theory. This made the Committee nervous and they didn't bother with him directly. An enlarged letter of encouragement from Albert Einstein during this time period appeared as part of the sparse stage set. He explained that the letter was in reference to his HUAC appearance. After the show, I asked him to sign my program so I could donate it to the Library. He obliged and I thanked him for sharing his story and shook his hand. He is one righteous dude and I'm so glad I had a chance to see him.

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Now playing: The Doors - End Of The Night
via FoxyTunes

They're Chicken Wings, not "Buffalo Wings", Dammit!

I was watching CNN when they ran a crawl about the winner of the "Buffalo Wing" eating contest. I know...outsiders have to put the geographic location in but the reality is they are chicken wings, plain and simple. Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas who is 5'5 and 105 lbs. strapped on her feedbag to win the professional eating contest called "The Buffet Bowl". In eight minutes, she ate 5.95 pounds of wings, pizza, pierogies, beef and “hog wings.” Insert pig noise here.


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Now playing: Bryn Jones - Abuse
via FoxyTunes

Larry Craig and Co.: Knock it Off!

I'm really sick of prominent dudes pretending they're straight just to keep their jobs. I'm not certain of tea room etiquette but suffice it to say from the reports that have been released, Mr. Craig was casting his net. Little did he know Dragnet was in the next stall. Anyway, I understand that in our hypocritical society it is difficult for people to be who they are. But to be a tool for the right wing Republican faction while you're looking to get your bishop polished is in insane! There have been several of these scandals in the past few years. Last month, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) had to apologize because his phone number appeared in the D.C. Madam's book. He didn't have to quit his post. No one seemed to care probably because he sought sex with a woman. Former Congressman Mark Foley chased after little boys and was forced to resign. The only respectable thing about him is that he wasn't married. I guess for me it boils down to if you can't keep it in your pants don't make a major, legal commitment! You have to feel sorry for a woman who either doesn't know her husband or she knows what's up but rather than leave she plays along.
Shortly, Craig is supposed to announce his resignation so some other Republican tool can be appointed. Hasta la taco buddy!

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Now playing: Chet Baker - There Will Never Be Another You
via FoxyTunes

Johnny Goo's Plastic Surgery

I don't know when it went down but I noticed that John Rzeznik (the artist formerly known as Johnny Goo) didn't look quite right when he and the Goos appeared on Sundance TV's "Live from Abbey Road" series. His face barely moved and his cheeks looked chipmunk-like. Conversely, Robby Takac kept it real--a few lines in his face but he looked like a hip 40 something dude. John looked like he was frozen in time. A former teen idol who is clinging to yesterday.

Yesterday, my pal 'French Fry' sent us a link announcing that John Rzeznik will be on an American Idol style show to decide who the next great American band will be. He'll be paired with has-been Sheila E (pictured above) who looks awful but I can't determine if it's age, bad surgery, or both. Nonetheless, the info pro in me dug a little deeper and John doesn't seem to be demure about where he got his new look. Unless he didn't give the surgeon permission to mention him as a customer. Dr. Mark Mandel-Brown is to blame according to this site. Notice the spelling on John's last name. As Kelly would say, you couldn't even spell "break" right!

See What Excessive Drinking Does?

"Oh Shit! She really does take after her dad!"




Famous first hard drinking daughter,Jenna Bush, will soon be a blushing bride. She recently became engaged to Henry Hager. His father is the head honcho for Virginia's Republican Party, a former First Lieutenant Governor, and he worked for the Bush II adminsistration. The younger worked for the soon defunct Karl Rove. Maybe he can be Jenna's brain.

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Now playing: Memphis Minnie - Love Come and Go
via FoxyTunes

Bingo Wings

Not to be confused with Buffalo Wings these are the things you earn after lots of eating and very little exercise. I've been trying to exercise more often. Especially after yesterday's hot fudge sundae from Aldridge's Ice Cream in Dunkirk. They're the place that has April Fool's day flavors like pork and beans. Their real flavors are very good and the whipped cream rules.

I Wanna a Super Fro

Here you go! Check out the afro puff!

Smell Phones

Children shouldn't have cell phones. I've outlined the many reasons I'm against it in previous posts. To recap, they're too young and don't understand the financial impact, they don't need to talk "on location"--tie up the family phone line, and it only gives them easy access to bullshit trouble i.e. Chester the Molester. Giving one to a troubled child only to have it become a point of contention in disciplinary matters lead to tragedy in this case.

Stupid Spoiled Whore

You gotta love the Smoking Gun--check the photo gallery!

Soylent Green

Our food is getting skanky. It started with the knarly pet food that killed cats and dogs. It was recently revealed that China's seafood supply is cultivated in raw sewage and washed with nasty chemicals that the FDA in the U.S. has banned. You need to get down with slow foods. A movement inspired by the overwhelming availability of corporate fast food. There are locations across the U.S. Many Web sites list farmers' markets and quality restaurants or special events where you can get a quality feedbag. Don't eat Soylent Green.
Off to the second most polluted city in America, Pittsburgh!

Nancy Grace Gets Punked

That's hot!