Smash Up Derby

As all my peeps know, I got caught in a scary mosh almost two weeks ago. I thought I'd do some show and tell for full effect. In a nutshell, temperatures went from the 60's on Monday to the 30's on Tuesday. I didn't realize how icy the roads had become and by the time I got the idea, I spun out and struck a pole (the utility device, not a typical Buffalonian). Here's the money shots:

Mess

Way back in the day, I thought Eddie Van Halen was cute. When he and 70's sitcom star Valerie Bertinelli announced that they were getting married, I thought she was lucky--a cute rock dude--how fun is that? I was having my a.m. joe and trolling the Internet and nearly spewed out my french roast when I looked at this photo. Whoa! I realize he's 51 and he battled cancer and had hip surgery but look at that skin and grizzled beard. Yuck. What a shame. Lifestyle choices are everything. Glad I stopped smoking cigarettes.

Lifestyles of the Underemployed

Live from Eden, NY...it's the Spike Rite and Crystal Myth show! Last night we took a field trip to Erie, Penciltucky to see Trent Reznor (reeet-reeet!) and NIN rock out. It was great show complete with visuals and Trent sporting a fun vest that showed off his newly acquired muscles. I allow special guest star, Spike Rite, to add commentary which will be in the color red...never before have I lusted after a rock dude. My wet dreams began Sunday nite in anticipation of the show, and Trent did not let me down :)

On a musical note, the heroin-free NIN still shows these children of the flower children what ROCK is all about. Jason Mraz Fuck You!

And the same goes to Young Jeezy aka Young Cheezy--the rapper who thinks he's tough but he smells. While on an urban tip, props to opener Saul Williams who actually kept the audience's attention. He's billed as a modern day Gil Scott Heron and that seemed accurate. I thought his act would go over better in a smaller venue but nonetheless, he was pretty good. His beats kicked ass. Spike is having an epilepsy episode as he tries to perform the "Robot" dance.

Audience highlights--God knows we have to display our cattiness or it wouldn't be our show---a group of F.I.T.'s (Fags in Training (although these peeps had their act down they were just on the young side) trying to get their concert lighter on. The femmiest of them burnt his hand, squealed, and dropped his lighter prompting a floor scramble to get it back. I also had the pleasure of literally farting on a fat concert drunk as she stumbled to get past me and touched my buttcrack as she walked by. I let her have it because I had to get out of my seat to accomodate her fat fupa. And several candidates for abortion. The mullet still lives. And Americans love their beer! Nothing like watching two fisted swill drinkers stumble around an arena.

I think Spike was pleased that we were able to get in and out of the venu efficiently. Yes, here's my parking ramp teee-ap: upon entering drive all the way up, follow the exit signs all the way down and park as close to the exits as possible. So while everyone else is grabbing the first spot they see (on the way UP the ramp) there's a bijillion free spots on the way DOWN. Also back in if possible for e-z exit.

What was your favorite song, Spike? "Head Like A Hole" of course, Fish. 18 years later it still kicks rock ass. True dat, Lezzie Fins, double true.

What was your favorite tune, tuna? It was "Only"--prolly 'cuz I woke up singing it in my head.

Shall we inform our limited audience what two underemployed yet educated adults of a certain age do post concert?

Why we get up much too early to listen to the Stern Show on Sirius satellite radio, drink flavored coffee, eat bagels, then eat breakfast. Then blog. Fabulous.

Yes, the bagel appetizer was a nice touch. It's fun to talk to the radio with someone else instead of the unresponsive cat. I didn't do my normal belching with Howard this a.m.

Well it was a sad day on the Stern Show with the loss of one of the Wack Packers, Cleft Palate. Yeah, that was an unexpected bummer. What did you think of the Dana Reeve passing?

Well, at least she didn't fall off a horse.

But she did like riding one. Hi Daddy! Seriously though, the chick never worked the nic sticks and got total lung cancer. Sucks ass.

Just goes to show you, rock out while you can 'cuz ya never know when your curtain's coming down for the last time.

Well said, I like the rawk analogy. I think the underemployed are capable of great pontification and it's all possible through the magic of technology. One might say it's magically delicious or tragically malicious (thanks Spike).

All I knows is that Trent's new muscles are my new inspiration. :) :) :)

Yeah so you can whip up a batch (ohhh yeaaaah!) Yes, right on Trent's chin!!!!!

Well, I gots some bidness to take care of so I guess I'd better get out of my p.j.'s or I'll be living in the p.j.'s before long. Thanks for being my overeducated and yet underemployed special guest star, Spike!

Yes, we should start our day. It's only noon.

Smell Phones

Hate 'em. Yeah, I own one. I have a basic plan and use it for emergencies and weekend long distance. I won't upgrade my plan because I don't use the phone enough to make it fiscally worthwhile especially given my underemployed circumstances. I'm irritated over the fact that I have a landline at home so I can receive DSL service. Sure I could use high speed cable access but the combined expense of digital cable and their internet service once again isn't worth my money. In an ideal world, I should be able to ditch my landline, keep DSL, and add a smell phone via my current provider for a reasonable package price. From my p.o.v., I'd be investing in their company and in return I should get a nominal discount. Oh no. They ain't down. Consequently, I use another smell phone provider and I opted to arrange my own landline long distance. If they ain't playing ball, neither am I.

Nonetheless, I digress. I was cruising the local paper online and noticed a story about payphones becoming a thing of the past but they still exist in poorer neighborhoods. Sad to say, in Buffalo, how do you tell? There's a thin line between light rash and pure poverty... However, payphones are starting to fade in the economically depressed areas as plans become more accessible to those who don't have decent incomes or credit histories. It ends with a soon to be 13 year old West side resident remarking that she's supposed to get a cell phone for her birfday. Oy vey. As someone who works in a public facility and sees adolescent inner city displays of faux bling, I find that irritating. These punk ass kids don't treat the phone as a communication tool. They treat it like a tricked out accessory that needs to be screamed into. There's nothing like trying to get work done only to be interrupted because you're subjected to ghetto drama via a one sided cell phone conversation at full volume. I just love waiting on ignorant cell phone users as they talk while I get stuck doing their thinking for them. Since I'm not in my former position, I've eased up on this. If they take a call during a transaction,I generally stop working on their question and go back to what I was doing. F 'em. When they're done talking, I'll continue to help. And in the case of the adolescents groovin' on faux bling that homeless peeps now possess---we still have sec-ur-i-tie and homesquirrel will give 'em a buzz if you keeps buggin' the joint.
Nothing like watching your taxes supplement someone's cheesy lifestyle when you're just hanging on.

Reet Reet

Former Buffalo Sabre Pat LaFontaine's #16 was retired last night in a nice although a wee bit lengthy pre-game ceremony. It brought back fond memories for me as I used to lust after Patty while I cheered on brawler Rob Ray. Pat still has it as I found myself making piglet noises and wishing he'd commit a little high sticking on me. Not only was he good to look at but a nice dude, too as he was very involved with charities serving sick kids. Check him out---reet-reet (my cloven hooves are forming with my girl boner).

Rubbery, Flubbery, Outta Shape Dudes....

Don't wanna be that WNY'er, don't wanna be that guy...especially the dude to the extreme right side of the photo. Oy vey! Maybe this is the lighter side of "what the hell is wrong with people". Maybe this should make me wonder why I stay here. This photo was the cover of the Buffalo News a few days ago. It depicts Town of Evans residents who are angry over their taxes and mad at their Town Supervisor who was charged with driving under the influence (of alcohol--prolly a Genny Screamer).


I don't know these folks. Nor is outward appearance entirely indicative of who people are--I'm not that shallow. However, if I were to choose music to accompany that sad group shot it would be Deliverance. Aside from the typical Bahflo fat slob, check out Mr. Handle Bar Mustache and Ms. Furry 1978 Perm (holding signs). They don't strike me as forward thinkers. It's that "I want-everything-for-my-community-but-don't-you-dare-raise-my-taxes" mentality. Taxes suck--especially if you don't own property. Property owners are entitled to write-offs. These folks should go after how the money is spent and how things are run. Stop living as if all prices should go back to the 1940's. Realistically, WNY isn't as expensive as other areas.

They seem to be the same folks who would willingly kiss off culturals and edifying institutions such as libraries that add value to a community in favor of extra money so they can buy more Ding-Dongs, soft drinks, and beer. Lower taxes would give them more purchasing power for their McMansions that ruin open spaces,impose on infrastructure, and overburden public school systems. These are the same folks who want quality education for their kids but God forbid they have to contribute to it. They resent public employees who are required to earn advanced degrees in order to work. How dare they ask for a living wage to pay the same bills that the rest of the community has to pay?
The sad part is that WNY isn't isolated in this mentality. It's nationwide and consequently disheartening and scary.

What the Hell is Wrong with People?

Yeah, that's a pretty wide open question with a variety of answers but I'll focus on several incidents involving animals in Erie County, New York.
Over the last week or so there have been three stories of animal cruelty. They range from an illegal trap that injured a coyote, a dismembered but still living rabbit left on a doorstep as part of some hex, and a cat beaten within an inch of its life. For details see this link but be fully aware it is tough to stomach. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. Thankfully, the Erie County SPCA exists and they stepped in to help these poor animals. I'm underemployed but I'll find a way to make a small donation as these incidents, made me sick to my stomach. I don't know how SPCA employees do their job. I'd be a basket case. If there is an up side to the above, the cat seems to be improving. That's nothing short of a miracle. I hope that it will recover on an emotional level. I've heard of cruelty cases where animals seem to have post-traumatic stress disorder when anything reminds them of what happened to them.
I'm not sure what the charges would be if the jerk who set the trap is caught. I believe the charges in the other cases are felony animal cruelty. It only amounts to a couple of years in jail. That's not enough for scum who hurt harmless animals. I can only hope instant karma will reach out and get the excrement who committed these heinous acts. I realize we have a lot of problems but when people brutalize animals...society is truly out of control. It only begs the unanswerable question of what the hell is wrong with people?