Da Sabres

It looks like we're off to a good start against the NY Islanders but head injury case Rick DiPietro could be added to the line-up. That might help their goaltending and make winning a bit more challenging for Da Sabes. In case you missed it (and I'm sure you did), Buffalo's Goo Goo Dolls were chosen to provide music for a hometown, schmaltzy homage to the team and the peeps. We were forewarned of this in the paper. I cringed as I read the story because it portended of cheesy things to come. My instincts were correct. See what you think here. It's a slow song with a "jeez this dive sucks and man we could use something good to feel better about ourselves" vibe. The montage includes sights and sounds of blue collar Baaahflo featuring lots of slovenly people. Look for a quick shot of the liberry. My faves are the dudes with the goofy ass moustaches. Yuck!

Speaking of the Lottery...

If I were a dude, here's the one that I wouldn't want to win...


NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- Former Anna Nicole Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead says DNA has proven he is the father of her infant daughter.

The results were made public following a court hearing in the Bahamas. Birkhead and Howard K. Stern had both said they were the father of baby Dannielynn.

An attorney for Stern had said ahead of time that if the tests showed Birkhead to be the father, he would relinquish custody of the girl to him.

Stern told reporters after the hearing that he's not going to fight Birkhead for custody. He said Birkhead is welcome to start spending as much time as he wants with the girl. Stern also says
his feelings for the baby girl haven't changed.


****Trimspa Baby!*****

Hockey Saki Hah!

Okay "sports fans" (not as I know most of you who read this could give two about any sport)...anyway...you know I'm a hockey chick and I'm rooting for Da Sabres. The hometown heroes are getting more than their fair share of attention as every loser loving Bills fan realizes the Sabes are in the play-offs instead of pulling their puds. This was evident in December when peeps hung up their zuba pants and started scarfing up Sabres gear.


So you're not into the long road that leads to the play-offs and you don't know a hooking call from boarding but I know you like the men folk.
Just in time for the NHL play-offs, I give you the 2007 Hottest Hockey Dudes as chosen by me. (This is a tough task as there aren't too many hotties in my sport)

1) Brendan Shanahan--Left Wing--#14--NY Rangers




Okay, he's not the most photogenic guy but I love watching him off ice, on TV. He's a little a shy and awkward in front of the camera so you don't want him talking too much. He just needs to stand there so I can take in his 6'3 frame of Irish cuteness. Yeah, the pie chompers are prolly fake but Shanny plays with heart and soul. No bullshit--he's there to score and stomp ass when he needs to. Reet-reet. Them is good eats!


2) Sidney Crosby--Center--#87--Pittsburgh Penguins


19 year old Sid the Kid still has a little baby fat around the edges but give him a few years and he will be beyond adorable. I saw him in two TV commercials. He melts your heart in the Timbits Minor Hockey league commercial. I couldn't find that spot online but here's the one where Ovechkin from the Washington Crapitals tries to bone him--Sid is at the end. Shanny is also in this spot. I love when the maid bags Joe Thornton. Sid is "the next one" and he's cute.

3) Michael Peca--Center--#27--Toronto Maple Leafs



Former Sabres player and malcontent Peca had the misfortune of playing for the Leafs this year and he busted his leg big-time. Bummer. He's little in stature but nice to look at. He's shown with hockey wisps (rather than a full on mullet) and his New York Islander jersey (or sweater as they say in Canada). Trivial aside, his wife is from Baaaahflo. She was good looking so I guess he got what he paid for. She wasn't in the workforce long but would you work if you won the lottery?

I might extend this list if I have time, things have been hectic. Hope you enjoyed and Go Sabres!

Keep Feeling Vaccinations

If you haven't already heard about the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine for young girls, you need to pay attention. Essentially, last August Merck came out with Gardasil (not to be confused with Vagisil), which is supposed to prevent cervical cancer. The "target audience" is females between the ages of 9-26. The governor of Texas signed an executive order to forcibily innoculate girls aged 11-12. I'm sure there are some loopholes to exercise so a parent doesn't have to subject their daughter to this but how many parents are doing so? In this age of the sheep most would rather comply than fight back. Meanwhile, New York State Assemblywoman Amy Paulin (D-Scarsdale) has introduced legislation to innoculate school aged girls. Her proposal leaves the Health Department in charge of setting appropriate ages. She highly approves what happened in Texas and says a companion bill will be introduced in the NYS Senate. That may have already happened.

What's the problem with all of this? Forcing people--no matter what age--to be vaccinated is plain Orwellian. Furthermore, Merck the pharmaceutical giant behind the shot, is lobbies lawmakers to pass these laws. At $360 whether your health insurance or Medicaid pays for it, it's money in Merck's pocket. They're also marketing the hell out of this to potential consumers. The Buffalo area Planned Parenthood is leading the charge. A recent Buffalo News article quotes a spokesperson,

"Since the fall, Planned Parenthood's two pediatric care programs have been offering the vaccine to parents for their daughters."We've not had one negative response," said Colleen Schiffhauer, director of medical services. "Every single patient has gotten a vaccine who was in the age group [9 and older]. Not one of the parents of the patients has refused to vaccinate their child." Schiffhauer estimated that the clinic had vaccinated "a couple of hundred" girls so far. Other clinics and private medical practices in the area also have begun offering the vaccine. And in mid-March, Planned Parenthood plans to make the vaccine available at all its clinics so that young women, along with girls, will have access to it."


"We've not had one negative response..." Of course not. Did you fully inform them about it? It's a new vaccine made by the idiots that brought you Vioxx. We know how that went. Can you say "classaction lawsuit"? Did you tell them that according to opensecrets.org, pharmaceutical manufacturing gave over ten million dollars to election campagins in 2006? It's easy to gain full acceptance when you don't provide the facts. Normally I'm very supportive of Planned Parenthood, but not in this case. Call your State Assemblyman or Senator and tell them to just say no to mandated medicine. Let people decide for themselves.

Sprawl Mart

I found the above image on Infowars and I couldn't resist posting it. I'd give credit where credit is due but no creator was listed. Anyway, this image sums up the many things that I hate about Walmart. Nothing like selling patriotic images manufactured by slave labor in foreign countries in a place that is frequented by illegal laborers with their new found "wealth" i.e. more money than they'd make in Mexico. Walmart likes nothing better than to build meccas by using acres of land only to find that they've outgrown the space and that they'd like to relocate to a bigger place. Hamburg, New York is a prime example of this. Dig the portly Buffalo type peeps in the background of the image!

Winter Wunderland

Check it out--nearly 3.5 feet of snow in my hood. Awesome snowshoeing weather! I feel like a little kid on a snow day! Yeah, I dug my shiznit out pretty much by myself. The military neighbor dude chimed in at the end but it was all good.

Nanook of Baaaahflo

What up my peeps? After a long absence I'm back in black. Literally, my long underwear purchased for snowshoeing purposes is black. I just returned from a quick jaunt around the property where I live. The trickiest part is getting the shoes on and off. Once you get moving it's fairly easy. While it's one of the easier winter sports, you definitely heat up fast and you do sweat. Because no one has been out to play in the snow, I had the opportunity to 'break trail' . I loved stomping around in snow. Some of the neighbors peered out their windows to watch. Thankfully I didn't fall on my dupa. I finally realized why I didn't like to go out and play in the snow as a kid, we didn't have the tricked out technology! My long underwear is really thin but super warm. My snowpants are just right--ample insulation and venting slots, not too bulky. And my fleece vest kept me warm. I highly recommend this winter sport. Relatively easy to do and not a major financial investment.

Fabulously Forty

Mad props to my other 40 ouncing Malt Lickas, Spike Rite and Doodles! It's not so bad. I'm sitting in my jammies getting me some freedizzle Scissor Sisters ;-) Can't wait to try "discography" as a search term.

Funny Bflo Blog

Sick minds think alike...

http://www.fishbowlwny.com/

Bravo Mr. Olbermann!

After I told Fry that I finally saw the film "Good Night and Good Luck"she sent me the following. MessyNBC's Keith Olbermann takes dubbya to task on the signing of the Military Commission Act, last week. Click here for the video commentary. When you're done watching it, see how your Senator voted. Then check up on your Congressional representative. If the slimy douchebag voted for this, tell 'em to suck it at the voting booth (if they're running and the booth isn't rigged, thanks Diebold). To think that Congress is wasting time over a closeted gayRepublican pedophile.... They're investigating what they already know while voting our rights away. Nice.

Fighting over Food Stamps

Envy over government subsidies? The following was posted to a local TV station's WNY Storm board on Saturday. A run-on sentence, with spelling errors and without punctuation:

Poster: KIM

Subject: food stamps

I UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH FOOD STAMPS LOST POWER AND FOOD BUT SO DID EVERY ONE I DONT THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AS MUCH PUT BACK ON THEIR BENIFIT CARDS I HEAR SOME PEOPLE SAYING HOW THEY NEVER LOST POWER AND THEY GOT THIS MONEY PUT ON THEIR CARDS NOW FOR MYSELF I WORK HARD FOR MY CHECK AND MY HUSBAND WORKS 2 JOBS AND WE LOST ALL OF OUR FOOD AND I HAVE 2 GIRLS AT HOME AND 3 STEP CHILDREN EVERY OTHER WEEK WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR VISITATION BECAUSE WE CANT FEED THEM IT JUST IS NOT FAIR TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK SO HARD AND LOST SO MUCH


How ghetto! Does she know the qualifying income levels in order to receive aid? Is 'gotten' a word? Five kids...got condoms? Notice that her rant centers on the family feedbag? It prolly includes lots of chips, drank, and Budweiser. She epitomizes the WNY mentality: worry about what others have, don't improve your station in life.

Siriusly Speaking

Okay, I'm over the storm. I tried listening to my favorite late-night "sleepless in Bahflo", radio talk show Coast to Coast AM only to find that WBEN was still in storm mode. Give me a break! Granted, the power outage and damage are major. However, what can be done about it in the middle of the night? Yes, the closing lists are long but you'll run them the morning. On the overnight, break in if/when needed and get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Because my walkman's radio reception was so poor during this storm event, I invested in a decent quality wind-up radio that also runs a light. If I lose power again, I can listen to more responsible programming and/or use the light to read by.

Thankfully, I'm a Sirius radio subscriber. I'll definitely re-up. My unit has a sleep timer for when I'm ready for bed and I'm extremely sick of local radio. My major reason for hooking up with Sirius was Howard Stern. When he's not on live, I delve into the hundreds of channels available. Although I've had it for 10 months, I don't think I've scratched the surface. Here's some of my musical favorites:

• The David Johansen Mansion of Fun (Fridays 3-9 pm EST) on Sirius Disorder, Ch. 24 I try not to miss this show--he plays any and everything, it's exceptional!
• Little Steven's Underground Garage, Channel 25. Who knew Bruce Springsteen protege and Sopranos cast member Steven Van Zant was so cool? A solid DJ line up provides great music.
• Boombox, Channel 34, cool electronica. This is where I first heard Rhymefest featuring Kanye West and "Brand New". Don't forget to make room for the S.O.V., Lady Sovereign that is!

I could keep going but it suffice it to say that local radio's purpose is to cover local news and serve as a conduit during an emergency. The latter is by default, most people don't have battery operated TV sets. If they did, the reception would be awful. Nonetheless, when I look for cool tunes and national/international news, I look to Sirius.

It's the End of the World as We Know it...

Some chump in Clarence, NY got worked in the Columbus Day '06 storm.

Yes, my power was restored. I lost it sometime during the overnight. I freaked a bit because I thought that I'd have to work and was worried about how I was going to get in. I was awake at 5:45 and tortured myself with listening to WBEN. The old time news station that is only useful when a weather event occurs. Unfortunately, they know that's their bread and butter so they resort to "chicken little" reporting to keep mental midgets entertained for hours. All I had was an old school walkman with a radio but its A.M. reception wasn't much. The commercial load was out of control. My employer wasn't mentioned during the 6:30 business closings, which made me worry. After hearing how bad my travel routes were, I began conjuring up reasonable excuses to use emergency personal leave so I wouldn't have to go in. During scenario number 3, the big boss called and told me to keep my styx at home. I stayed in bed because the heat wasn't working and I couldn't make coffee thanks to the cheap bastard landlords and their choice of electric over gas appliances.

I listened to some of the call-in action on WBEN and WNED-AM. Baaaahflo peeps are so funny. They love to bitch and moan and as Paulie Paul said, they enjoy a forum. I heard the goofy (requests that the power suppliers provide regular, real-time repair updates), the ridiculous (woman with infant and no formula, asked for help while boyfriend sits on his ass instead of walking to nearby stores), the sad (woman with nine kids and no food, adults work temp agency jobs and live hand-to-mouth), and the heartbreaking (vacationing pet owner's dog escaped from overnight kennel fire in Buffalo).

One particularly funny call was from an oldster in Sloan, aka Sloania the breakaway Republic of Cheektowaga, who was incensed with WNED-AM because they didn't mention one word about her little village. She declared that they have a Mayor and they're separate from Cheektowaga and went so far as to spell out her village's name (proof of mad skillz?). Please lady, it's an inbred enclave of a really bogus town. Get over yourself. According to the U.S. Census, it's 2.8 sq. mi. across. In 2000, it was 99.7 White, that's almost as pure as Ivory. Only 8 Black peeps were in da hizzy.

The power returned shortly after 1 p.m. I'm glad to know the contents of my freezer will be okay for the most part. I'm happy to have heat, light, and tv. You know that I'm not going near a store as the SUV slobs in search of pop, chips, and beer are wreaking havoc at the nearby Flops Communist Market.

Baaaahflo, WTF?

Loser gets ready for another shitty Baaaahflo winter.

From the National Weather Service...

THE BUFFALO AIRPORT HAD OFFICIALLY RECEIVED 3 INCHES OF SNOW THROUGH 8PM. THIS MAKES OCTOBER 12, 2006 THE THIRD SNOWIEST DAY IN OCTOBER IN 137 YEARS OF WEATHER RECORDS. SIX INCHES OF SNOW OCCURRED ON OCTOBER 13, 1909 AND AGAIN ON OCTOBER 31, 1917.

I've seen everything-- slush, sun, lightning,rain and hail all in one day. My lights are flickering so I'd better make this quick...I wore backless shoes and I did not have a snow brush in my car--I only had a window scaper. I no longer park in a covered lot in downtown Buffalo. I had to pull over on the I-190 to rid the turning mechanism of my windshield wipers of snow/sleet/ice so that they'd work properly. Despite the fact that I cleared it before I left the city. I didn't find any relief until I hit the southern portion of Eeeerie County. Incredible. Why do I live here?

The Puffer

I never had the chance to discuss the Transportation Safety Administration's latest terrorist prevention gizmo. I experienced this on my way to Los Angeles via the Buffalo Niagara International Airport. It was about 4:30 a.m. and myself and others were told to go through the recently installed "Puffer". My sensibilities were offended as it was so early in the morning and I had a roundtrip ticket but I cooperated otherwise I wouldn't be able to fly.
Stepping into the machine made me feel as if I were in a high-tech science fiction movie. It blew air up my skirt but not Marilyn Monroe style. Nonetheless, it gave me the willies as I felt very invaded. I looked down while it did its thing. Perhaps I was just too impatient but it seemed to be taking too long. I didn't want to look up because I didn't want it capturing images of me. Don'tcha know, as soon as I looked up within two seconds, the door opened. I'm sure that's been added to my permanent record card.

In light of the propaganda oriented event in London a couple of weeks ago, Buffalonians (along with other Americans) feel compelled to turn over their privacy to Big Brother in the name of "protection". Here's an excerpt of a letter from today's paper:

Real people and free people need to decide if it is more important to be inconvenienced by travel without liquids and gels or risk the lives of thousands. Much to the credit of Americans, they are being cooperative in light of developments in the United Kingdom. How will they behave a week from now? Or a month from now? Or, I hesitate to think, five years from now?
When will we wake up to the reality of this terrorist threat?

Look dude, this is probably another trumped up event just to make everyone capitulate to less privacy so that governmental entities can pick through your panties (literally). Think about it. They've banned liquids and gels, with the exception of medical items/devices so you can't remove your contacts if you need to or adjust your falsies if you're transgendered. But as so rightly put on today's Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR we can still bring laptops with exploding batteries aboard commercial flights. Give me a break!

Btw, if you wan't to see what's next on the agenda, click here. Read the CASPIAN press release here.

Literacy and Longing in Buffalo

A recent phone interaction with a patron left me so irritated. The caller said that she read a review of a book, something about literacy in L.A.. When asked if it was fiction, non-fiction she wasn't sure. She didn't know who the author was. No biggie, it happens all the time. The review recently appeared in the Buffalo News, "you know...nothing too obscure." I replied with a slight laugh that the News doesn't do obscure too well. Crickets. Irreverent comments not appreciated. Okay, I can deal with that. As I searched, the caller lamented over the difficulty of obtaining newer titles thanks to Erie County's financial mess. I sympathized with her as I identified the title. I checked the record in a database that would tell me if it was fiction or non-fiction. As I did so, she continued on about the lack of a streamlined process to help her request new titles.(If the Library doesn't own something, a request can't be issued until a record appears in the catalog.) Again, I empathized and explained how I would go about directing her request. It's a new title and reviewed locally. Although Literacy and Longing in L.A. looked like typical, cheesy chick lit, the genre has its readers and it's the Library's mission/responsibility to serve a variety of interests. Although I rarely do it because I'm usually rebuffed, she sounded like she might be amenable to a suggestion of calling her County Legislator to voice her concerns over the lack of library funding. I should have asked her to never again purchase or eat Bison Chip Dip. She practically screamed bloody murder as she told me that she's not a County or State worker and that she pays her taxes, there's too many libraries, and it doesn't affect me. I replied that it does affect her because she's not getting the materials that she wants!! I informed her that we need people to advocate for the Library. Who wouldn't want to advocate for the Library? (I don't think she understood what 'advocate' meant--especially in context to contacting a lawmaker) A lot of politicians give lip service to libraries but they don't want to put their money where their mouth is. Of course, I couldn't be that honest and not get called out for it so I said, "you'd be surprised". She really set me off when she said, "Well, I can go to Barnes and Noble...blah, blah, blah." Hey twat face! Guess what? A public library is a communal institution that is for the benefit of everyone. Barnes and Noble, while a decent chain bookstore, is only for the benefit of those who can afford it and the stockholders who own it. Ultimately it came down to the caller saying that contacting a politician wouldn't do any good. I said that it would. She disagreed so I said, "Let's agree to disagree." and left her with my euphimistic FUCK YOU of "have a nice day" said in a syrupy tone before I hung up.

Do not tie up my phone with "Wah, wah, wah, wah...." I offer a sensible solution of what amounted to "please voice your concern to those who are supposed to adequately fund a public library" and you go off on me as if I told you to get your head out of your ass (which is what I should have done).
What she didn't get is that there is strength in numbers. The library's funding took a serious hit and lawmakers need to know the consequences from the customers not the employees. I actually sympathize with the caller's feelings of powerlessness. However, it's better to register an opinion/complaint with those who can remedy a situation rather than those who've been victimized by it. Library employees have very little control over the amount of money received. Legislators and the County Executive decide on funding.
Anyway, it's better to go down fighting than to roll over and take it. At least you've had your say. I can only imagine if I would've asked that old snatch to *write* a letter...

Local Ghouling

I had the opportunity to check out the new Rick James headstone with Paulie Paul and Pavs who made a special guest star appearance in the B-lo this week-end. Unbeknownst to me, an article appeared in the Sunday Bahflo News detailing the work. It's made of granite from Vermont (my grandma's home state) and weighs two tons. It's in Forest Lawn Cemetery near the Delaware Ave "S" curves and the Scajaquada Expressway.
I didn't see the article until I returned home late on Sunday. I wondered how P&P music factory knew details. We visited on the second anniversary of his death. I would link to the article but the cheap prick known as Warren Buffet only allows ten days of free access to articles before he starts charging. If you're local, use your library card and try the "Custom Newspapers" database from the library's Web site.
On an unrelated matter, I hit Wegmans earlier today and grabbed some viddles. I was truly appalled when I stumbled upon Diabetic Living magazine at the checkout. A health problem has become so prevalent it's a "lifestyle"? Always looking to cash in, the subscription Web site describes Diabetic Living...

Diabetic Living magazine provides lifestyle information and recipes that diabetic readers of all ages can use everyday to lead normal, active lives. Content includes delicious recipes designed for diabetics, nutrition tips, exercise hints, health information, and the latest recommendations for diabetes care. The editorial mix is 65 percent recipes, 20 percent exercise, and 15 percent general health. Isn't it funny how the thing that brings many to a diabetes diagnosis is the focal point of the magazine? Too bad they don't have "Diabetes Prevention" magazine where useless eaters can get schooled on how not to drain the health care system.

Fun with Jackson Pollock

Remember that "Stumble" feature I told you about on the Foxfire browser? I found the coolest Web page--it allows you to paint like Jackson Pollock! Hold the alcohol fueled tantrums.

Quote of the week comes from Riley Martin who I listened to last night while indulging in the product, "Targzissians are obviously reptilians." Stern and Martin are so much funnier when under the influence.

Puck-ding!

Baaahflo native Ani DiFranco is in a fambly way--she announced the news at a NOW convention. Work it out, child, no pun intented.

Parking Lot Drama

So I dropped into Flops Communist Stupid Markets to get a few quick items to tide me over until I can properly get my shop on at Smegmans (loves me some smegs). I grabbed a couple of pasta salads that didn't look too repulsive and some strawberries that are on sale. I paid for them in the express lane where an ignorant smell phone user was utilizing every extra free minute on his smellular plan during the transaction. Although annoying it was no big deal.

I left and traipsed through the parking lot. As I've said many times before, I intentionally park further out because I don't like clusterfucks. I was walking through when a car backed out slowly. The driver was looking to her right but not to her left--where I walking. She continued pulling out not looking. If I hadn't paid attention, she would've hit me. I walked around the front of her car as she continued pulling out and said rather loudly into her open window, "You should look before you drive." Of course, I knew she'd have to get her 10 cents in so I was prepared. She drove by and in her best passive/agressive Baaaahflo way she said, "I did look." Rather than engage her and point out what she did wrong just to hear her tires squeal, I snarled, "Lick me!" and kept walking. I've been so well-behaved lately that I must've had a Pink Floyd "Momentary Lapse of Reason". I wasn't proud or humored by my reaction. I was just so frustrated by her actions. I realized that this broad was trapped in a sea of SUV's and probably couldn't see very well. But on the other hand, you can't see well if you don't actually *look* before you leap!!

So in honor of this half-witted Baaaaflonian schluburbanite, here's some Crystal Myth clues:

1. Park far away from the store. Lots of stuff to schlep to your car? Use a cart. Raining? As my grandma used to say, "You won't melt". Parking further away necessitates walking. Walking= exercise. The good folks in Pueblo, Colorado have more tips.
2. Pull into a spot so you don't have to back out. This sometimes takes some manuevering but it's well worth it. You don't have to worry about potentially hitting somebody or something because your vehicle is in an awkward position.
3. Instead of seeing people as people, think of them as "baloney sandwiches". Thanks to Harry Ballicker's wisdom when we were kids, those keywords keep me focused. If you hit and injure or kill someone, by the time their "estate" is done with you, you'll be eating baloney on white into eternity. Better to be safe than sorry and look before you drive, biznitch!


Class de-smissed!