Tim Russert has been discussed ad infinitum. Some people are still recovering. For example, the local NBC affiliate's Scary Hairless Dumbell. I refuse to give her real name for promotional purposes even though mine is just a little unread blog. She's a former Miss NYS who dated a local news anchor and parlayed a radio news gig into an anchor job. As George Carlin would say, she's just a pile of clothes reading a teleprompter. However, in her defense, the television news industry has gone so far into the abyss that shlocky local yokels who look anchorish have a chance to thrive. I wonder if she'll hit the plastic surgery route as age and estrogen loss reveal that her better days are behind her. I don't normally follow what she does but occasionally I drop by for laugh. Read her "Channeling My Inner Russert" and get ready to puke. To paraphrase Senator Lloyd Bentsen, honey, you're no Tim Russert. But then again, a lot of people thought he was a tool for the Man so maybe in your own little way, you are.
----------------
Now playing: Marilyn Manson - The Dope Show
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Channeling My Inner Barf Bag
Posted by Crystal Myth at 8:18 PM 0 comments
Labels: Channel Screw, Lloyd Bentsen, Scary Hairless Dumbell, Tim Russert
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Tops v. Wegmans
I'm of your demographic--female, over 30 but under 60 years old. I've written to you in past to express my displeasure but you basically ignored me with your pat answers. My complaints were in reference to the bogus self-checkout and the lawn furniture and other assorted crap that gets in the way of me and my feedbag. The *only* reasons that I still venture into your store is that it is about a mile away from me and your Bonus Card/Spy Shopper cards allow me to accrue points so I can save *a little* off of my gas bill when I pay to pump gas at your filling stations. But those points don't accrue continually, which I think is downright bullshit and does nothing to promote customer loyalty. Not that you care about that.

- Although your newer stores are insanely behemoth, overall your presentation, abundance of product, and lay out are great.
- Your cheese shops, deli, produce, and take out are the shiznit! Everything is attractively presented, fresh, and tasty.
- Your international wares rule. I learn so much when I shop at Smegs. Who knew that Israeli feta is better than Greek or even French feta cheese?
- When I leave your stores, I feel as if I have lots of great stuff to make and/or try when I get home.
I should know better than to shop mid-morning on a Sunday but I can never get to Wegmans. It's just not close enough to burn the gas. But today I had an excuse--I had to visit Bed Bath and Your Uncle and BJ's. Both are pretty close to Smegs. It's a huge store and they give you equally gigundous shopping carts. This makes maneuvering around big Buffalonians a tough task. Smegs offers free samples. Great--but the trouble is the mooches clog up the aisles and get in my way. They're a lot more into the seasonal merchandise than they used to be. I wish they'd just stick to food and beverage. Trader Joe's is awesome because they have high quality without the lawn furniture. Kudos to them, I wish they were here.
Wegmans is a real WNY treasure. I realize they are now located in several other states. As long as the quality remains the same, it's all good by me. Tops is like that nasty neighborhood girl that guys befriend just to get some in a pinch. Not much in the way of quality but it'll do.
p.s. sidebar--I saw Jodi Johnston from Ch. 2 at Smegs. Her son was pushing a cart and I saw this atypical tall thin woman not far behind. I looked at her with that puzzled "Where do I know you from?" face. Then it clicked and it clicked again as I realized that I haven't watched Ch. 2 news in years!!
----------------
Now playing: The Clash - Lost in the Supermarket
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Crystal Myth at 3:17 PM 0 comments
Labels: Feedbags, Food, Foolish People, Tops, Wegmans
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Bioterror Blunder Explained
I caught the Hallwalls exhibit of Seized which closed yesterday.
It documents the trials and tribulations of University at Buffalo art professor Steven Kurtz. Long story short Kurtz's wife died very unexpectedly in May 2004. What should have been a very routine police call spiraled into nearly four years of nightmarish accusations. Kurtz is also a founding member of the award winning art and theatre collective, Critical Art Ensemble. When the police entered his Allentown neighborhood home, they found a small lab set up. It was to be part of an upcoming CAE exhibit. Authorities warned him that the F.B.I. would want to speak with him. The next day while on his way to make funeral arrangements for Hope, his wife, the F.B.I. detained him for 22 hours, without charge, on the suspicion of "bioterrorism". They searched his home and took several thousand dollars in equipment and other materials (most of which were never returned). They donned Hazardous Materials suits while searching his place as the TV cameras rolled (photo to the left). His home was cleared of containing any dangerous substances. The lab had non-lethal bacteria that was used in his art. Hope Kurtz died of natural causes. Kurtz and a co-defendant, Dr. Robert Ferrell, Professor of Genetics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Public Health, were charged with wire and mail fraud for sending $256 in ordinary bacteria through the mail. Ferrell, due to ill health, took a plea deal. Kurtz stayed the course and the indictment for mail and wire fraud was ruled "insufficient on its face" by the presiding Judge Richard Arcara in April, 2008. The feds decided not to appeal that decision. When their appeal time ran out, Hallwalls displayed the exhibit.
It was small but effective. The main room played a video that had ominous music as clips for local and national newscasts recounted the story. The drama of the hazmat suits was the focal point. It culminated with a clip from the film Strange Culture, a docudrama that tells the Kurtzes' story. Oscar winner Tilda Swinton, plays Hope Kurtz. The clip shown was of a someone receiving a subpoena and filming the Feds who were presenting it. The center of the room featured the infamous pizza boxes and Gatorade bottles that welcomed Kurtz when he was finally allowed into his home. They trashed the place and locked his cat up for days on end without food and water. Bean left scratch marks in the room that she'd been locked in. (She's okay, I think they moved her to Canada for safekeeping). Other debris such as rubber gloves and a hazmat suit surround the pizza box tower, which was almost 5 feet tall. "The Willilam J. Hochul Freedom Library" was of great interest. A small shelf of books that the feds confiscated from the Kurtzes' home. They are as follows:
- Anarchist Cookbook (a perennial "what if" title in library school intellectual freedom discussions)
- Bioterrorism: Guidelines for Medical and Public Health Management by D. Henderson, M.D.
- PDR Guide to Bioterrorism and Chemical Warfare Response
- Yellow Fever/Black Goddess: the Coevolution of People and Plagues by Christopher Wills
- Biological Warfare:Opposing Viewpoints
- Understanding Germ Warfare (from the editors of Scientific American)
----------------
Now playing:
via FoxyTunesTeddybears Feat. Daddy Boastin' - Ahead Of My Time
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Crystal Myth at 11:36 AM 0 comments
Labels: F.B.I., Hope Kurtz, Intellectual Freedom, Overzealous Prosecutors, Steve Kurtz, Wastes of Government Funding
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Random Musings
Thanks to the Obamas for instituting the "Terrorist Bump" (pictured above w/Zan and Jayna, Gleek couldn't make the photo op). As a librarian, I'm often offered a handshake from grateful patrons, and I usually wonder where that hand has been. A former Attica inmate gave me the option for the bump so I took it. His fingernails were on the long side and he smelled boozy, which made his hands' whereabouts questionable.
Buffalo sports fans are mostly slovenly. I realize every city has its guilty parties but ours are egregiously so.
Thanks to the lady who was walking near the Lake Erie waterfront. The circumfrence of each of her thighs equaled that of my torso, which made my thighs feel half way presentable in shorts.
Scream at the Librarian: Sketches of Our Patrons in Downtown Los Angeles by Joel J. Rane is an entertaining read of the dark side of librarianship. I'd love to give this to starry-eyed recent M.L.S. graduates. I never thought I'd relate to Rane's rants but I do and I'm a member of his cheering section. People's manners deteriorate over time and as public servants we're expected to put up with a lot. I've been to the Los Angeles Public Library in downtown L.A. Lots of eccentrics, homeless people, or both. Rane's angst is accurately portrayed as annoying patrons know no geographical boundaries.
I've sworn off Craigslist. I became overly involved in pointless debates. You can't educate people in a Craigslist forum. I already knew that but boredom elicits hope.
----------------
Now playing: Muslimgauze - Jackal The Invizibl
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Crystal Myth at 5:15 PM 0 comments
Labels: Buffalo Sports fans, Joel J. Rane, Library Patrons, Los Angeles Public Library, Obese Women
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
I Heart Craigslist
Yes, I use it primarily for cheap laughs--to take the pulse on the corpse known as Baaaaflo. Here's a classic example of what's available in the dating world. This poster claims he's 28--looks closer to 38.He has the same suspect, angry look in every photo. Got to love the following description:
I'm looking to meet a good looking/attractive woman (between 18-45)for some fun and excitement(friends with benefits)and whatever may follow.Let's talk and get acquainted, and possibly meet for a drink.I do ask that you provide a photo(or 2). I have several photos of myself posted here on my ad. Aside from that,I'm ex-Army,5'8" tall,royal blue eyes,tan,athletic build,171 pounds,cleancut,and carry a nice package(7+).Drop me a line if interested.
I'm glad he took the time to measure his package. Most women want to know if a guy's packing heat before they even know him--gross. The promise of fwb is just too good to be true. Contact Private Gomer Pyle at the link above if interested.
----------------
Now playing: The Heartbreakers - Born To Lose
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Crystal Myth at 10:20 AM 0 comments
Labels: Desparate and Dateless, Gomer Pyle, Loser
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Meet the Depressed
I was in a meeting mid-Friday afternoon when an administrator came in and apologized for interrupting. We didn't care because we were just about done. She announced that Tim Russert had died. She received a text from her daughter or somebody. Her announcement shocked us all. I said that South Buffalo must be going nuts--that was their boy! As the news spread, many asked--'I wonder what happened?" I already knew. Tim just had that big pizza and chicken wing eatin' build that screamed heart attack. Combine that with a stressful job and there's the answer.
I haven't watched Meet the Press in years. Partly because I realize that there is a lot more than meets the eye of mainstream media. Pundit shows help set the political agenda for the week and they can make and break politicians. Russert was touted as an aggressive, hard hitting journalist but some felt that he didn't go far enough. NBC is owned by a major corporation. GE produces weapons and has a strong interest in the war. Anyway, Russert knew who buttered his artery clogging bread so the boat was rocked only in the direction that suited the powers that be.
Leaving that aside, Russert was an excellent Buffalo ambassador. Yeah, he looked the part of the Buffalo "everyman"--big and paunchy but that's what made him easy to relate to. He sounded a bit like Phil Donahue, maybe that can be attributed to his years in Ohio. His legal training combined with his political background gave him the chops to do good interviews. His hardscrabble, work-a-day ethic that he earned in Buffalo and never forgot made him unique. I make fun of Baaaahflo all which ways to Sunday but God help the moron who starts poking fun of this podunk little enclave! If you haven't served time here, you have no right to say anything!
Nonetheless, Russert was a Washington insider with a sharp intellect. He also had that difficult to describe "Buffalo decency"--he seemed genuinely kind and polite. Many attribute that to his Catholic upbringing and education. I can safely say that it's just the way many of us are without having to put a religious brand on it. A Buffalonian will befriend and help you almost to the point of annoyance. Many of us are just loyal like that. To have the good essence of Buffalo so well-portrayed by Russert was a gift. He'll be missed as a political commentator who can make the difficult understandable to the Genny swilling football fan who's wading through Meet the Press so he can see the big game. Buffalo will miss him as a booster--he kept it real while being politically polished enough to make us look a little better.
It was nice to have my homie Paulie Paul in town for quick visit--it felt good to raise a glass of Buffalo's Flyin' Bison Aviator Red in honor of Tim Russert. Very apropos, Paulie's been a close friend for dare I say 27 years--something else that's special about Buffalo...good friends are friends for life.
Posted by Crystal Myth at 5:08 PM 0 comments
Labels: Buffalo, Buffalo Celebrities, Tim Russert, Untimely deaths
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Gas Drama
Posted by Crystal Myth at 4:10 PM 0 comments
Labels: Annoying People, Drama, Gas
Monday, May 26, 2008
My Day in E.A.
Since B.J. the cat is under medical treatment (subcutaneous fluids) twice a week to assist with her gradually failing kidneys, Spike Rite kindly offers to play medic. I'd never be able to give the her fluids by myself. No that's not Spike in drag--yes, that cat is probably giving her what-for. He came out yesterday with Dookie at-law (skrewl, 24/7). We accomplished our mission effectively and then decided to venture into East Aurora. They wanted to go to Vidler's
so we stopped in to visit the candy aisle, which has lots of old school junk food--yum, yum! Spike reminded me that the "Cherryheads" used to be called "Cherry Chan" and featured a rather stereotypical Asian guy on the cover. See?
According to the Candy Wrapper museum site, the copyright date on the box to the right is 1943. Supposedly they tried to keep the name and update the box. They prolly came to the realization that there's more of them than anybody and it's better not to offend. But as someone with purist ideas, I am offended. The original packaging is much more fierce--like the Asian dude is going to kung fu your ass if you don't eat your fuckin' candy and respect his author-i-tie. Now, it's "A fat free food" made "with real juice". How pussy!
Posted by Crystal Myth at 3:37 PM 0 comments
Labels: Candy, Cherry Chan, Hypocrites, Overly politically correct
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Buffalo Craigslist
I troll CL just for cheap laughs, here's today's winner!
Posted by Crystal Myth at 11:10 AM 0 comments
Labels: Craigslist, Creepy Dudes
Friday, May 23, 2008
Miss Manners
I haven't read a Miss Manners column in awhile but I noticed that my hometown paper listed it as one of its "most viewed" stories so my curiosity was piqued. Essentially, the writer lays out their circumstances--they work 50 hours a week, no bennies. They live in a large city and the homeless are crawling up their tail pipe for a donation. How should this be handled in a polite manner? "
Miss Manners said, "It never fails to amaze Miss Manners that people will tolerate blatant begging (in the form of “gift registries” and instructions on invitations) from friends and relatives who are in more or less the same circumstances as themselves, yet feel indignant about being importuned by the needy."
Hip hip hooray! Confirmation in print that many people with events i.e. marriages and births are also strong arming others, they just do it in a more decorative way. I don't love being over 40, but age has its privileges as I no longer receive gift solicitations from people that I barely know. Thankfully, my close friends haven't procreated and they're either single, co-habitating, or just waiting for the law to change. I appreciate the latter and would be willing to celebrate the unconventional entering the mainstream.
Miss Manners closes by saying, "I'm sorry" is the best response. Perfect for every invite from someone you're not close to!
Posted by Crystal Myth at 10:33 AM 0 comments
Labels: Miss Manners
Thursday, April 24, 2008
What Does Ellen DeGeneres Know about Cat Food?

Posted by Crystal Myth at 10:16 PM 1 comments
Labels: Dumb Purchases, Ellen DeGeneres, Kitty Feedbag
Saturday, April 12, 2008
WJC RIP
Usually I write with sarcastic angst but today is different. My cousin's son is dead following a motorcycle accident that sent him into a utility pole. He died post-op as a result of a blood clot. The reality is that he was probably under the influence of heroin when the accident happened. He had struggled with his demons for a long time. He was only 27. I remember seeing him as a toddler and then a fun-loving adolescent. I'm heartbroken for his family. He was a good kid and a talented artist. He was in WNY last summer and I didn't have time to get together with him and my family. I feel awful about that. I'm usually good about making time because life is so short. Now I know I must be better about it.
Posted by Crystal Myth at 11:37 AM 0 comments
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Ace for Your Face or Where Have all the Smokers Gone?
So me and Mike Rite went to see Ace Frehley at the Seneca Niagara Casino in Niagara Falls, NY last night. I've been opposed to casino shows because they have taken most of the business away from local promoters and they force you into their trailer park environment. Otoh, if you want to see anything, eventually that's where you have to go. Prior to the show, I was aware that smokers were a strong possibility. But...I thought they would accommodate non-smokers. Not to sound self righteous to my peeps who know what a cigarette slave I used to be but it's been almost three years and I'm no longer down. Every pasty overweight chain smoker was in the casino. As far as we knew, there were no non-smoking gambling areas. Of course they design those things like a motherfuckin' Skinner box so you have no idea where they could be if they existed. Thankfully, the Bear's Den where Ace played was non-smoking. It didn't hit me until this morning that the reason for that is they wanted to prevent tragic Great White type incidents.
Last Great White show, File Photo
Anyway, Ace's voice was a little shot but his band was tight albeit a bit cheesy when the bassist pulled the "put your hands over your head and group clap 70's style" manuever. They totally rocked the house with his KISS tunes! He busted out his tricked out guitar for "New York Groove" much to the appreciation of the dirtbags, tramps, and frat boys in attendance. Incidentally John Elder Robison, older brother to Augsten Burroughs, designed Frehley's early guitars. There's a full chapter about this in Robison's autobiography Look Me in the Eye, an interesting read on Asperger's disease. It's a disability that is not evident unless you know what to look for. It was a good show, glad I was there. We grabbed a drink afterwards and tried to gamble but everywhere you turned there were smokers. Aside from breathing issues, I was getting annoyed because my hair and clothes would surely stink once we left. And they did.
My favorite moment of the evening was waiting to get into the cafe for a pre-show dinner and watching a little girl eat an ice cream cone. I wondered aloud, how do cigarettes and ice cream taste together? Yes, you couldn't escape the stink even in the eating areas.
Posted by Crystal Myth at 2:17 PM 0 comments
Labels: Ace Frehley, KISS, Rock, Seneca Niagara Casino
Friday, February 29, 2008
Breeding
I could really go off about those who breed and have no business doing so but I'll just be specific and cite today's Dear Abby column.
DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom of an active 3-year-old boy, with another on the way. Before my son, "Chad," was born, my husband and I took in a loving yellow Labrador, "Sparky" (now 8), who had been neglected. While I love Sparky very much, he is just too much work for me because he is so needy. He often becomes nervous and "stuck" in certain rooms and must be physically coaxed into the next room. His anxiety causes him to bark uncontrollably at cars, people walking by, etc. He is absolutely out of control when someone comes to the door. He has damaged our home, wakes us up when we're sleeping, wants to go in and out all day, and is constantly underfoot. Our efforts to train Sparky have failed, and I'm simply out of patience.The trouble is, my husband has no sympathy for the difficulty this causes me when I'm home during the day, and he refuses to discuss alternative options. I don't know what to do and have overwhelming feelings of guilt. I find myself actually looking forward to the day when Sparky dies so that I can be relieved of this burden. Please help. -- DOG TIRED, PALMYRA, N.Y.
Abby wisely tells her to consult with her vet and a pro dog trainer and if none of that works, return him to the rescue group where she got him. Fine. But the reality is if you're planning on having a family, why take in a needy dog? The fact that he had been neglected should have told you that he needed extra care. I'm tired of people thinking that animals are expendable.Last night, I was at Petsmart and I read the notes on the cage of a pretty tortoise colored cat. The writer noted that she had been thrown out of moving car. Nice. I hope instant karma takes care of the douchebag that was heartless enough to do that. Give me a great pet over an idiot person any day!
Posted by Crystal Myth at 10:07 AM 0 comments
Monday, December 31, 2007
Alvin and the Chipmunks
As some of you know, I have a "Little Sister" who I mentor. She's a cool kid who doesn't ask for much so when she said that she wanted to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, I put aside my preconceived notions and took her. It was a suburban movie house filled with kids and parents, many of which were in my age bracket. Overall, not a bad movie--I was actually pleased to know ahead of time that Arrested Development's David Cross (Tobias Funke) was in the film. I must be the only one who knows his work because he had several subtle lines in Alvin and I was the only one who laughed. Does having kids eliminate your sense of sophisticated humor? Or maybe they were never sophisticated in the first place....
Posted by Crystal Myth at 9:37 AM 0 comments
Labels: Alvin and the Chipmunks, Arrested Development, David Cross, Dumb Parents, Films
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Don't Tase Me at Worst Buy, Bro!
The catchphrase of the year is..."Don't Tase Me, Bro" as uttered by a Florida college student who had the audacity to question former Presidential candidate and current Senator, John F. Kerry about his Skull and Bones membership. I don't have statistics but tasing is getting out of control. If you fart in public, look out! You'll be tased for your crop dusting. The latest tasing went down at Worst Buy. Check it! Daytona, Florida Police say they were within their rights to tase a customer! She left the store to taking an upsetting cell phone call and her behavior was reported as suspicious. She returned only to be confronted by police who promptly tasered her for doing nothing! Incredible. What is this world coming to?
Posted by Crystal Myth at 2:55 PM 0 comments
Labels: Best Buy Sucks, Bullshit, Overzealous Cops, Taser
Saturday, December 22, 2007
The Kids are Not Alright...
The increasing frequency of child predators using the Internet to find prey gives one pause. The latest case centers around a 48 year old pig who lured as many as 16 underage girls to send him pictures of their goodies. He's accused of using myspace and posing as a hot 20 year old guy who advertised that he was looking for "dirty girls who like doing dirty things". When some started balking, he issued threats of telling their parents, posting photos online or posting them at school.
So many issues and not enough time... Technology can be a lifesaver at most and a great convenience at the very least. But in the hands of the wrong people i.e. perverts and BRATZ generation kids who have no concept of privacy and think porn star is an attainable career, it's dangerous. Parents don't question the fact their kids are being marketed to. They don't mind that their kids are over-commercialized and supersized, because it makes them just like dear old mom and dad. A kid with too much technology, too little guidance, and too many hormones is prime pickings for a scummy 48 year old cafeteria worker.
The perpetrator is definitely wrong and disgusting, if he is guilty of what he's accused of. However, the girls' parents are not blameless. They should be taken to task for not supervising them and for not effectively educating them about protecting themselves and their privacy. There have always been dirtbag Chester Molester types but technology brings them into your environment and allows them access to your child. No more stalking kids in public! Chet knocks back some Genny screamers and generic cigs while he's plotting to victimize your kid.
Here's what I'm pondering...why are adults infantilized and why are kids being dressed and treated as mini-adults and given expensive electronic accessories?
I think we should have classes called, "Do Not e-mail or Electronically Publicize Your Cooch, Snatch, Dick, Giggleberries, Boobies, or Bunghole until You're at Least 18 Years Old". This should be taught starting at about 5th grade. Furthermore, how about asking these kids to think into the future? Do they really want memories of their 15 year old beavers being ogled by their 12 year old sons when they discover some "vintage" porn? Good fucking grief!
----------------
Now playing: The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes/a>
Posted by Crystal Myth at 3:36 PM 0 comments
Labels: BRATZ suck, Cheektowaga Idiots, Chester the Molester, Dumb Parents, Perverts
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Stub Hub!
I entered the "lottery" to buy Ice Bowl or NHL/AMP Winter Classic tickets. I was notified that I didn't win. I opted to buy the HSBC party tickets, which were cheaper and warmer. Essentially, you get to watch the game that's being played at Ralph Wilson Stadium between the Sabes and the Penguins (Penguins is practically chickens--scroll down, look for Hobo) in the arena. Anyway, I was notified that they found extra tickets and that I did win. I almost gave them to my hockey nut, fartin' cousin but then I thought...this bitch is pretty much sold out...get money! Within an hour, I sold my tix for almost four times what they were worth. Awww yeah! Some sucker from Chicago bought them even though they were obstructed view. I said so up front. Reading is fun-da-mental!
----------------
Now playing: Urge Overkill - Sister Havana
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Crystal Myth at 10:59 PM 1 comments
Labels: Buffalo Sabres Rule, I Rock, Ice Bowl, Penguins Suck
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Hair
Posted by Crystal Myth at 12:39 PM 1 comments
Labels: Bad Hair Days, Fros, Mod Squad, Super Fros