Vagina Celebrations

As you know, layoffs are in effect in my workplace and that means displacement in many forms. Some co-workers will be gone shortly if not already while some are going part-time with benefits while others are hiding out in allied jobs until maybe the civil cervix gods resurrect them. I'm of the part-time variety. On its face, it sounds good but I learned the reality today. Rather than allow us to work a three-day week to qualify for supplemental unemployment, we're being asked to work four days. It's a minor quibble in the sense that the money lost isn't much and the hassle that you go through to get it really isn't worth it. In my eyes my new circumstances are a cushion for the interim and nothing more. In the words of some lil' ghetto rappers "Ya gotta get up, get out, get some, shit!"

In some ways I'll miss the atmosphere of my work area. Overall, the people are talented and fun professionals. That being said, it's time to get on my work soapbox and do some generic complaining that could apply to almost any office atmosphere. Please refer to the title of this post.
Vagina Celebrations can be defined as female events that have a tie-in with what enters or leaves their vagina. In other words engagements and marriages (enters) and births (leaves). I'm probably setting myself up to sound like an envious little shrew but that's not my intention...here goes. I'm a single, cute, 30 something, childfree chick. All in all, I like my life because I'm free to do a lot of fun, interesting, not to mention selfish things. I keep my own hours and owe no one any explanations. I certainly don't begrudge my married with children counterparts their happiness despite the fact that they don't understand why I'm the way I am and why I don't want to be more like them. Nonetheless, as a co-worker, I get irritated by office showers to celebrate entrances and exits. Why I should I make a financial investment in somebody's life choice when no one makes one in mine? If I'm truly friendly with someone, then they merit a gift. Otherwise, it's giving under duress. Furthermore, what about time off? Dummy me hardly ever takes sick time while the moms and moms-to-be take off because they or their offspring are barfing. Single (not to mention gay peeps) get to pick up the slack with very little in return. There's nothing better than being stuck ooohing and ahhing over photos of someone's kids when you're trying to get something done. Today a co-worker spent 20 minutes showing her photos. The owner of these photos later contemplated taking them with her in case she runs into people upstairs adding, "I'm such a mom!" to the end of her thought process. I felt like saying, "You're such an egomaniac!" This is the sort of stuff that I'm subjected to frequently and after awhile it gets tiring. I wish I had the ability to hand out Vagina Celebration awards every time I hear about someone's wedding plans,dumb husband and/or their lame kids. Why can't these peeps understand that they're not paid to bring their personal crap to work? Show up, do your job, and get lost. This isn't a motherfuckin' sitcom where we actually care what happens to the characters. Get over it.


Pictured above is my little pumpkin'. She is not an extention of my ego.