My Day in E.A.

Since B.J. the cat is under medical treatment (subcutaneous fluids) twice a week to assist with her gradually failing kidneys, Spike Rite kindly offers to play medic. I'd never be able to give the her fluids by myself. No that's not Spike in drag--yes, that cat is probably giving her what-for. He came out yesterday with Dookie at-law (skrewl, 24/7). We accomplished our mission effectively and then decided to venture into East Aurora. They wanted to go to Vidler's
so we stopped in to visit the candy aisle, which has lots of old school junk food--yum, yum! Spike reminded me that the "Cherryheads" used to be called "Cherry Chan" and featured a rather stereotypical Asian guy on the cover. See?









According to the Candy Wrapper museum site, the copyright date on the box to the right is 1943. Supposedly they tried to keep the name and update the box. They prolly came to the realization that there's more of them than anybody and it's better not to offend. But as someone with purist ideas, I am offended. The original packaging is much more fierce--like the Asian dude is going to kung fu your ass if you don't eat your fuckin' candy and respect his author-i-tie. Now, it's "A fat free food" made "with real juice". How pussy!

Buffalo Craigslist

I troll CL just for cheap laughs, here's today's winner!

Miss Manners

I haven't read a Miss Manners column in awhile but I noticed that my hometown paper listed it as one of its "most viewed" stories so my curiosity was piqued. Essentially, the writer lays out their circumstances--they work 50 hours a week, no bennies. They live in a large city and the homeless are crawling up their tail pipe for a donation. How should this be handled in a polite manner? "

Miss Manners said, "It never fails to amaze Miss Manners that people will tolerate blatant begging (in the form of “gift registries” and instructions on invitations) from friends and relatives who are in more or less the same circumstances as themselves, yet feel indignant about being importuned by the needy."

Hip hip hooray! Confirmation in print that many people with events i.e. marriages and births are also strong arming others, they just do it in a more decorative way. I don't love being over 40, but age has its privileges as I no longer receive gift solicitations from people that I barely know. Thankfully, my close friends haven't procreated and they're either single, co-habitating, or just waiting for the law to change. I appreciate the latter and would be willing to celebrate the unconventional entering the mainstream.

Miss Manners closes by saying, "I'm sorry" is the best response. Perfect for every invite from someone you're not close to!

What Does Ellen DeGeneres Know about Cat Food?

How about jack diddly doo-wah? She can take her company Halo's canned "Spot's Stew" and stuff it! The only thing she knows about pussy is her desire for blonde, Hollywood actresses.

BJ, my cat, is nearly 18 years old so she's like most old ladies-- a little cranky and pretty fussy. Dr. Mengele (aka BJ's vet--he's actually very nice but she doesn't see him in that light) recomends that she eat a can of food a day to keep her hydrated. Older cats need more water/fluids i.e. gravy than younger ones. I find something she's into but within a few days she's over it. Meow Mix's beef flavor wet food was a recent favorite. She'd lick the bowl clean, which made for less knarly clean up for mommy. Wet cat food makes me retch. In desparation, I tried the salmon flavored "Spot's Stew" out on BJ last night. I opened the can and it didn't smell too bad. Kiss of death--that cat loves stinky ass food. It also had a green pea in it. This is supposed to be high quality "good for kitty" type food but the presence of a pea put me on alert. I put it in her bowl, she briefly sampled it, and gave me stink eye, which said, "thanks for "Spot's Spew" mom! yecccch!" I'm tempted to send Ellen a photo of the baby poo colored slop still occupying my cat's bowl. I should know better than to purchase something from a nut-job who habitually adopts dogs only to figure out that she can't deal with new pets and must give them away! And then she bawls on TV when she is taken to task for not following shelter protocol by giving the dog to an unapproved home. The agency then has to remove the dog because she didn't follow the rules. She crys like a girl when she realizes she didn't do right by the dog or the kids in the unapproved home.

WJC RIP

Usually I write with sarcastic angst but today is different. My cousin's son is dead following a motorcycle accident that sent him into a utility pole. He died post-op as a result of a blood clot. The reality is that he was probably under the influence of heroin when the accident happened. He had struggled with his demons for a long time. He was only 27. I remember seeing him as a toddler and then a fun-loving adolescent. I'm heartbroken for his family. He was a good kid and a talented artist. He was in WNY last summer and I didn't have time to get together with him and my family. I feel awful about that. I'm usually good about making time because life is so short. Now I know I must be better about it.

Ace for Your Face or Where Have all the Smokers Gone?

So me and Mike Rite went to see Ace Frehley at the Seneca Niagara Casino in Niagara Falls, NY last night. I've been opposed to casino shows because they have taken most of the business away from local promoters and they force you into their trailer park environment. Otoh, if you want to see anything, eventually that's where you have to go. Prior to the show, I was aware that smokers were a strong possibility. But...I thought they would accommodate non-smokers. Not to sound self righteous to my peeps who know what a cigarette slave I used to be but it's been almost three years and I'm no longer down. Every pasty overweight chain smoker was in the casino. As far as we knew, there were no non-smoking gambling areas. Of course they design those things like a motherfuckin' Skinner box so you have no idea where they could be if they existed. Thankfully, the Bear's Den where Ace played was non-smoking. It didn't hit me until this morning that the reason for that is they wanted to prevent tragic Great White type incidents.










Last Great White show, File Photo


Anyway, Ace's voice was a little shot but his band was tight albeit a bit cheesy when the bassist pulled the "put your hands over your head and group clap 70's style" manuever. They totally rocked the house with his KISS tunes! He busted out his tricked out guitar for "New York Groove" much to the appreciation of the dirtbags, tramps, and frat boys in attendance. Incidentally John Elder Robison, older brother to Augsten Burroughs, designed Frehley's early guitars. There's a full chapter about this in Robison's autobiography Look Me in the Eye, an interesting read on Asperger's disease. It's a disability that is not evident unless you know what to look for. It was a good show, glad I was there. We grabbed a drink afterwards and tried to gamble but everywhere you turned there were smokers. Aside from breathing issues, I was getting annoyed because my hair and clothes would surely stink once we left. And they did.

My favorite moment of the evening was waiting to get into the cafe for a pre-show dinner and watching a little girl eat an ice cream cone. I wondered aloud, how do cigarettes and ice cream taste together? Yes, you couldn't escape the stink even in the eating areas.

Breeding

I could really go off about those who breed and have no business doing so but I'll just be specific and cite today's Dear Abby column.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom of an active 3-year-old boy, with another on the way. Before my son, "Chad," was born, my husband and I took in a loving yellow Labrador, "Sparky" (now 8), who had been neglected. While I love Sparky very much, he is just too much work for me because he is so needy. He often becomes nervous and "stuck" in certain rooms and must be physically coaxed into the next room. His anxiety causes him to bark uncontrollably at cars, people walking by, etc. He is absolutely out of control when someone comes to the door. He has damaged our home, wakes us up when we're sleeping, wants to go in and out all day, and is constantly underfoot. Our efforts to train Sparky have failed, and I'm simply out of patience.The trouble is, my husband has no sympathy for the difficulty this causes me when I'm home during the day, and he refuses to discuss alternative options. I don't know what to do and have overwhelming feelings of guilt. I find myself actually looking forward to the day when Sparky dies so that I can be relieved of this burden. Please help. -- DOG TIRED, PALMYRA, N.Y.

Abby wisely tells her to consult with her vet and a pro dog trainer and if none of that works, return him to the rescue group where she got him. Fine. But the reality is if you're planning on having a family, why take in a needy dog? The fact that he had been neglected should have told you that he needed extra care. I'm tired of people thinking that animals are expendable.Last night, I was at Petsmart and I read the notes on the cage of a pretty tortoise colored cat. The writer noted that she had been thrown out of moving car. Nice. I hope instant karma takes care of the douchebag that was heartless enough to do that. Give me a great pet over an idiot person any day!

Alvin and the Chipmunks

As some of you know, I have a "Little Sister" who I mentor. She's a cool kid who doesn't ask for much so when she said that she wanted to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, I put aside my preconceived notions and took her. It was a suburban movie house filled with kids and parents, many of which were in my age bracket. Overall, not a bad movie--I was actually pleased to know ahead of time that Arrested Development's David Cross (Tobias Funke) was in the film. I must be the only one who knows his work because he had several subtle lines in Alvin and I was the only one who laughed. Does having kids eliminate your sense of sophisticated humor? Or maybe they were never sophisticated in the first place....

Don't Tase Me at Worst Buy, Bro!

The catchphrase of the year is..."Don't Tase Me, Bro" as uttered by a Florida college student who had the audacity to question former Presidential candidate and current Senator, John F. Kerry about his Skull and Bones membership. I don't have statistics but tasing is getting out of control. If you fart in public, look out! You'll be tased for your crop dusting. The latest tasing went down at Worst Buy. Check it! Daytona, Florida Police say they were within their rights to tase a customer! She left the store to taking an upsetting cell phone call and her behavior was reported as suspicious. She returned only to be confronted by police who promptly tasered her for doing nothing! Incredible. What is this world coming to?

The Kids are Not Alright...

The increasing frequency of child predators using the Internet to find prey gives one pause. The latest case centers around a 48 year old pig who lured as many as 16 underage girls to send him pictures of their goodies. He's accused of using myspace and posing as a hot 20 year old guy who advertised that he was looking for "dirty girls who like doing dirty things". When some started balking, he issued threats of telling their parents, posting photos online or posting them at school.

So many issues and not enough time... Technology can be a lifesaver at most and a great convenience at the very least. But in the hands of the wrong people i.e. perverts and BRATZ generation kids who have no concept of privacy and think porn star is an attainable career, it's dangerous. Parents don't question the fact their kids are being marketed to. They don't mind that their kids are over-commercialized and supersized, because it makes them just like dear old mom and dad. A kid with too much technology, too little guidance, and too many hormones is prime pickings for a scummy 48 year old cafeteria worker.

The perpetrator is definitely wrong and disgusting, if he is guilty of what he's accused of. However, the girls' parents are not blameless. They should be taken to task for not supervising them and for not effectively educating them about protecting themselves and their privacy. There have always been dirtbag Chester Molester types but technology brings them into your environment and allows them access to your child. No more stalking kids in public! Chet knocks back some Genny screamers and generic cigs while he's plotting to victimize your kid.



Here's what I'm pondering...why are adults infantilized and why are kids being dressed and treated as mini-adults and given expensive electronic accessories?

I think we should have classes called, "Do Not e-mail or Electronically Publicize Your Cooch, Snatch, Dick, Giggleberries, Boobies, or Bunghole until You're at Least 18 Years Old". This should be taught starting at about 5th grade. Furthermore, how about asking these kids to think into the future? Do they really want memories of their 15 year old beavers being ogled by their 12 year old sons when they discover some "vintage" porn? Good fucking grief!

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Now playing: The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/" title="FoxyTunes - Web of music at your fingertips">FoxyTunes/a>

Stub Hub!

I entered the "lottery" to buy Ice Bowl or NHL/AMP Winter Classic tickets. I was notified that I didn't win. I opted to buy the HSBC party tickets, which were cheaper and warmer. Essentially, you get to watch the game that's being played at Ralph Wilson Stadium between the Sabes and the Penguins (Penguins is practically chickens--scroll down, look for Hobo) in the arena. Anyway, I was notified that they found extra tickets and that I did win. I almost gave them to my hockey nut, fartin' cousin but then I thought...this bitch is pretty much sold out...get money! Within an hour, I sold my tix for almost four times what they were worth. Awww yeah! Some sucker from Chicago bought them even though they were obstructed view. I said so up front. Reading is fun-da-mental!

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Now playing: Urge Overkill - Sister Havana
via FoxyTunes

Hair

I had an uncle who worked this look in the mid '70's. My bad hair days amount to a Linc comparison.

Hey Dere Hi Dere Don't Tase Me Dere!

I'm poking fun at the Baaahflo Polish connection but the reality is this past week a 40 year old Polish dude who was trying to settle with his mother in Canada experienced death-by-taser. Their problem was that they didn't understand the logistics of navigating the airport in Vancouver. That prevented an efficient meeting. They also didn't get that we live in a new world where you can be killed at the scareport. For the full story click here
(It includes a nearly 10 min. long video)

On the video you hear authorities saying that the man speaks Russian and they need an interpreter. Hey genius, you should have got that interpreter about 9.5 hours before. By the time the guy started getting antsy, he'd been held ten hours. Oh and by the way betch, he spoke Polish until the storm troopers tasered his dupa!

Something along the same lines happened in the Arizona airport about a month ago. A well-to-do woman who'd been in rehab spazzed over missing a connection. Authorities jumped on her, handcuffed her and left her alone. She'd been drinking and ended up choking herself to death.

We're really doing something about those terrorists aren't we? They must have changed the definition to foreigners who don't speak English and desperate housewives with substance abuse issues.

Cryin' Shame

Unfortunately, I can't locate the image but could people stop literally crying over sports losses? The cover of the New York Post recently featured some little tool from Babylon, Wrong Island boo-hooing over the Mets getting knocked out of the play-offs. I heard some tearful grown woman doing as much on an audio clip via CBS news. What's wrong with these people? Granted the little tool is only 6 years old and is now a "celebrity" after having his mug all over the place. But the adult? Come on! There are far greater tragedies in the world than loser sports teams. Those dudes still get a serious paycheck at the end of the day. I'm down with the NHL program but you'll never see me shed real tears over losses--believe me being a Sabres fan is a tough task but I take it in stride. It's called balance and awareness of the world beyond sports, beyond the U.S. Get real people!

p.s. Gore Vidal interview on Canadian TV's The Hour, he rules.

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Now playing: Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye
via FoxyTunes

25 Top Documentary Films Named

I'm a docs fiend. I'll watch just about anything if it's a documentary. This probably stems from not having cable as a kid and being left to my own devices--public television programming--much of it about war. "David L. Wolper Presents..." was always a fave. The International Documentary Association named its best of, which can be viewed here. Bowling, Inconvenient, good choices. Crumb is amazing. Maysles Bros. rule. Grey Gardens is one of their films--watching that you feel sorry for Jackie O's as the skeletons are dragged out of her family closet. A few on the list I haven't seen but will do so. I'm surprised the 7 Up series wasn't named. It's the pre-cursor to reality TV and 49 Up will be on PBS this week. The director has worked with the same kids from the age 7 to 49--their lives are seen warts and all. It's really a study in class and outcome in British society.

Quote of the day comes from Buffalo's Craiglist:
"This is why the social environment here is jam-packed with men (and women) who reek of Labbatt Blue, cheap cologne and desperation."
from the Rants and Raves section

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Now playing: Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

I Shook the Hand of the "Most Dangerous Man in America"

Okay, so I'm burning some music to I-Tunes so I can give under utilized CD's to Goodwill to de-clutter my crib. Of course, I'm digging into some craft brew. Tonight's selection is from Middle Ages Brewing and it goes by the name of Black Heart Stout. Dark as molasses with a very satisfying malty finish. I highly recommend it.
So what do I mean by the headline? I've known about the career of Buffalo actor and labor organizer Manny (Emanuel) Fried for years. He came to my attention after I found out he appeared in the film Buffalo 66. He's the donut clerk who interacts with Billy (played by Vincent Gallo) toward the end of the film. I learned from a colleague that he was called before the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) in Buffalo to answer charges in the 1950's. He gave the Committee hell and they never bothered him again. Although the F.B.I. was on him for the nearly the rest of his life. He's 94 now and is still a delegate to the AFL-CIO. Anyway, he's in a one man show from Road Less Traveled Productions called Boilmakers and Martinis. It documents his life as he reflects on his marriage to a local socialite. Fried discusses the ensuing conflicts between his union position and the toll it takes on his relationship and the lives of his children. It's a truly fascinating story! The headline is in reference to a story he told about a Catholic priest who tried to warn the working faithful that Fried was nothing but a "low life" Commie. Given Fried's age, this could be his swan song so I cleared my calendar.
I had the pleasure of interacting with him. He was using a walker due to recent hip surgery and was talking to a few people in the lobby (the Market Arcade is loaning space to RLTP). He finally announced that he would see them later. He made his way over to a bench. I tried to get into the theater but was told that seating wasn't available just yet. I sat on the bench next to the old gentleman. I thought it was him, but I wasn't sure. Finally, I asked him if he was Manny Fried. He said yes. "Wait a minute, this is your show and you can't get in?". He chuckled and explained that he enters after the audience because the Market Arcade doesn't have a traditional backstage area. I told him that I was excited to see him on stage because I had never done so. He talked about his last appearance in "Tuesdays with Morrie". He was very gracious.
After the show, a Q & A opportunity arose so of course, I raised my hand and stated that he'd been called before HUAC in Buffalo and asked why he didn't address this directly in the show. He said that he had but it would take 2.5 additional hours to discuss so the producers asked that he didn't. He explained that he questioned the validity/legality of HUAC's existence. He asked that he be indicted so he could test his theory. This made the Committee nervous and they didn't bother with him directly. An enlarged letter of encouragement from Albert Einstein during this time period appeared as part of the sparse stage set. He explained that the letter was in reference to his HUAC appearance. After the show, I asked him to sign my program so I could donate it to the Library. He obliged and I thanked him for sharing his story and shook his hand. He is one righteous dude and I'm so glad I had a chance to see him.

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Now playing: The Doors - End Of The Night
via FoxyTunes

They're Chicken Wings, not "Buffalo Wings", Dammit!

I was watching CNN when they ran a crawl about the winner of the "Buffalo Wing" eating contest. I know...outsiders have to put the geographic location in but the reality is they are chicken wings, plain and simple. Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas who is 5'5 and 105 lbs. strapped on her feedbag to win the professional eating contest called "The Buffet Bowl". In eight minutes, she ate 5.95 pounds of wings, pizza, pierogies, beef and “hog wings.” Insert pig noise here.


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Now playing: Bryn Jones - Abuse
via FoxyTunes

Larry Craig and Co.: Knock it Off!

I'm really sick of prominent dudes pretending they're straight just to keep their jobs. I'm not certain of tea room etiquette but suffice it to say from the reports that have been released, Mr. Craig was casting his net. Little did he know Dragnet was in the next stall. Anyway, I understand that in our hypocritical society it is difficult for people to be who they are. But to be a tool for the right wing Republican faction while you're looking to get your bishop polished is in insane! There have been several of these scandals in the past few years. Last month, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) had to apologize because his phone number appeared in the D.C. Madam's book. He didn't have to quit his post. No one seemed to care probably because he sought sex with a woman. Former Congressman Mark Foley chased after little boys and was forced to resign. The only respectable thing about him is that he wasn't married. I guess for me it boils down to if you can't keep it in your pants don't make a major, legal commitment! You have to feel sorry for a woman who either doesn't know her husband or she knows what's up but rather than leave she plays along.
Shortly, Craig is supposed to announce his resignation so some other Republican tool can be appointed. Hasta la taco buddy!

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Now playing: Chet Baker - There Will Never Be Another You
via FoxyTunes

Johnny Goo's Plastic Surgery

I don't know when it went down but I noticed that John Rzeznik (the artist formerly known as Johnny Goo) didn't look quite right when he and the Goos appeared on Sundance TV's "Live from Abbey Road" series. His face barely moved and his cheeks looked chipmunk-like. Conversely, Robby Takac kept it real--a few lines in his face but he looked like a hip 40 something dude. John looked like he was frozen in time. A former teen idol who is clinging to yesterday.

Yesterday, my pal 'French Fry' sent us a link announcing that John Rzeznik will be on an American Idol style show to decide who the next great American band will be. He'll be paired with has-been Sheila E (pictured above) who looks awful but I can't determine if it's age, bad surgery, or both. Nonetheless, the info pro in me dug a little deeper and John doesn't seem to be demure about where he got his new look. Unless he didn't give the surgeon permission to mention him as a customer. Dr. Mark Mandel-Brown is to blame according to this site. Notice the spelling on John's last name. As Kelly would say, you couldn't even spell "break" right!

See What Excessive Drinking Does?

"Oh Shit! She really does take after her dad!"




Famous first hard drinking daughter,Jenna Bush, will soon be a blushing bride. She recently became engaged to Henry Hager. His father is the head honcho for Virginia's Republican Party, a former First Lieutenant Governor, and he worked for the Bush II adminsistration. The younger worked for the soon defunct Karl Rove. Maybe he can be Jenna's brain.

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Now playing: Memphis Minnie - Love Come and Go
via FoxyTunes

Bingo Wings

Not to be confused with Buffalo Wings these are the things you earn after lots of eating and very little exercise. I've been trying to exercise more often. Especially after yesterday's hot fudge sundae from Aldridge's Ice Cream in Dunkirk. They're the place that has April Fool's day flavors like pork and beans. Their real flavors are very good and the whipped cream rules.

I Wanna a Super Fro

Here you go! Check out the afro puff!

Smell Phones

Children shouldn't have cell phones. I've outlined the many reasons I'm against it in previous posts. To recap, they're too young and don't understand the financial impact, they don't need to talk "on location"--tie up the family phone line, and it only gives them easy access to bullshit trouble i.e. Chester the Molester. Giving one to a troubled child only to have it become a point of contention in disciplinary matters lead to tragedy in this case.

Stupid Spoiled Whore

You gotta love the Smoking Gun--check the photo gallery!

Soylent Green

Our food is getting skanky. It started with the knarly pet food that killed cats and dogs. It was recently revealed that China's seafood supply is cultivated in raw sewage and washed with nasty chemicals that the FDA in the U.S. has banned. You need to get down with slow foods. A movement inspired by the overwhelming availability of corporate fast food. There are locations across the U.S. Many Web sites list farmers' markets and quality restaurants or special events where you can get a quality feedbag. Don't eat Soylent Green.
Off to the second most polluted city in America, Pittsburgh!

Nancy Grace Gets Punked

That's hot!

I'll Make Your Head Ring...

So, I'm enjoying a nice, 70's soulesque Sunday morning brunch before I start excavating my place in search of floors and a kitchen table when I stumble upon a Baaaahflo News article entitled, "Surviving a layoff How to manage in unemployment and find a new job", which was written by a local reporter. Considering that I just survived this experience, I was curious. Typical networking and "getting your priorities straight advice" was offered but so was this gem:

For those who are unmarried, but have an employed, insured significant other: “Wedding bells should be ringing in your head at this particular moment,” Lewis Mandell said.

Mandell is a professor of finance at UB. Is he fucking kidding? Let me get this right, if you're dating someone and your source of benjamins runs out, you're supposed to enter a legal entanglement to stave off hunger and the bill collectors? What if you're single and don't have this option? Do you start working for an escort service instead? I'll bet if Mandell were asked to consider the escort service option, he'd probably give it some thought. If Mandell was quoted correctly, what an incredibly ignorant thing to say. I'd rather starve than be tied down for the wrong reasons.

"Freedom"

I saw this image a few days ago on channel 4's Web site. What's wrong with this picture? If it's meant to commemorate Memorial Day, the graphics person is either on crack or a jokester. Doesn't this look like somebody's under siege rather than free? Sieg Heil!

Speaking of...I hate Elizabeth Hasselhoff, yeah I know it's ...beck, but she's a Republican crotch who's nothing but a former reality star married to a football mook. I was never a fan of Rosie O'Donnell's but I'll take butch over bitch anyday. See the final showdown here...

My Walter Mitty Dream

If you know me well enough, I'm a nerdy librarian who enjoys intellectual property issues. I wish I could figure out how to get down with an IP oriented career without a lot of extra schooling as I'm over obtaining way too much education for very little in return. I'm really good at busting misuse of copyright and trademark. Maybe I could be an IP criminal clearinghouse. I could cuff and stuff places around here big time but if I'm not getting paid in full, why bother playing Pepper from Police Woman?


Anyway, as the Sabres grapple for the Stanley Cup, the infringers come out of the woodwork as evidenced by this Baaaahflo News story. Sabres gear started selling like mad when the sloppy pizza eaters figured out that Da Bills were worth jackshit back in November. The linked article offers clues so you don't buy a forgery. Here's my favorite, "Another tip-off is spelling. The league has confiscated more than a few Sabres items labeled “Sabers.”" Ha-ha! These Bud Light swilling losers and street thugs trying to make a buck can actually sell misspelled items? PT Barnum's adage of a "sucker is born every minute" is entirely too true.

I'm nursing a cold so I'll watch the Sabres prolly soil the bed. I don't have a good feeling about this series.

Garden of Eden Lock-down

There's nothing better when TV parlance comes to real life. Case in point, yesterday's five hour search for a despondent Iraq War veteran with a gun in Eden, NY. It started around noon when the man's sister called police to report that her brother was armed and sounded as if he might kill himself. About 60 police officers from three agencies began looking for him. At around 1:30 school officials were notified of the situation. Rather than move the children, the media and school authorities notified parents that they should pick up their kids. Of course, the rumor mill kicked in and false reports of the distressed man being in the building started. A school official was quoted in the paper as saying, "We have a building full of kids with cell phones,”. Okay, rewind, what's wrong with that sentence? Those little brats were allowed to get their chat on? I thought the media and the school were doing the notifying. Nothing like letting the kids run the show! I left work yesterday afternoon and heard the "lock-down" term being bandied about as it always is in these situations. I always thought schools were prisons where you suffered through the bullshit of forced socialization. I couldn't wait to get out. I never thought the prison lexicon would be so commonplace--especially in light of Virginia Tech.

Da Sabres

It looks like we're off to a good start against the NY Islanders but head injury case Rick DiPietro could be added to the line-up. That might help their goaltending and make winning a bit more challenging for Da Sabes. In case you missed it (and I'm sure you did), Buffalo's Goo Goo Dolls were chosen to provide music for a hometown, schmaltzy homage to the team and the peeps. We were forewarned of this in the paper. I cringed as I read the story because it portended of cheesy things to come. My instincts were correct. See what you think here. It's a slow song with a "jeez this dive sucks and man we could use something good to feel better about ourselves" vibe. The montage includes sights and sounds of blue collar Baaahflo featuring lots of slovenly people. Look for a quick shot of the liberry. My faves are the dudes with the goofy ass moustaches. Yuck!

Speaking of the Lottery...

If I were a dude, here's the one that I wouldn't want to win...


NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- Former Anna Nicole Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead says DNA has proven he is the father of her infant daughter.

The results were made public following a court hearing in the Bahamas. Birkhead and Howard K. Stern had both said they were the father of baby Dannielynn.

An attorney for Stern had said ahead of time that if the tests showed Birkhead to be the father, he would relinquish custody of the girl to him.

Stern told reporters after the hearing that he's not going to fight Birkhead for custody. He said Birkhead is welcome to start spending as much time as he wants with the girl. Stern also says
his feelings for the baby girl haven't changed.


****Trimspa Baby!*****

Hockey Saki Hah!

Okay "sports fans" (not as I know most of you who read this could give two about any sport)...anyway...you know I'm a hockey chick and I'm rooting for Da Sabres. The hometown heroes are getting more than their fair share of attention as every loser loving Bills fan realizes the Sabes are in the play-offs instead of pulling their puds. This was evident in December when peeps hung up their zuba pants and started scarfing up Sabres gear.


So you're not into the long road that leads to the play-offs and you don't know a hooking call from boarding but I know you like the men folk.
Just in time for the NHL play-offs, I give you the 2007 Hottest Hockey Dudes as chosen by me. (This is a tough task as there aren't too many hotties in my sport)

1) Brendan Shanahan--Left Wing--#14--NY Rangers




Okay, he's not the most photogenic guy but I love watching him off ice, on TV. He's a little a shy and awkward in front of the camera so you don't want him talking too much. He just needs to stand there so I can take in his 6'3 frame of Irish cuteness. Yeah, the pie chompers are prolly fake but Shanny plays with heart and soul. No bullshit--he's there to score and stomp ass when he needs to. Reet-reet. Them is good eats!


2) Sidney Crosby--Center--#87--Pittsburgh Penguins


19 year old Sid the Kid still has a little baby fat around the edges but give him a few years and he will be beyond adorable. I saw him in two TV commercials. He melts your heart in the Timbits Minor Hockey league commercial. I couldn't find that spot online but here's the one where Ovechkin from the Washington Crapitals tries to bone him--Sid is at the end. Shanny is also in this spot. I love when the maid bags Joe Thornton. Sid is "the next one" and he's cute.

3) Michael Peca--Center--#27--Toronto Maple Leafs



Former Sabres player and malcontent Peca had the misfortune of playing for the Leafs this year and he busted his leg big-time. Bummer. He's little in stature but nice to look at. He's shown with hockey wisps (rather than a full on mullet) and his New York Islander jersey (or sweater as they say in Canada). Trivial aside, his wife is from Baaaahflo. She was good looking so I guess he got what he paid for. She wasn't in the workforce long but would you work if you won the lottery?

I might extend this list if I have time, things have been hectic. Hope you enjoyed and Go Sabres!

Keep Feeling Vaccinations

If you haven't already heard about the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine for young girls, you need to pay attention. Essentially, last August Merck came out with Gardasil (not to be confused with Vagisil), which is supposed to prevent cervical cancer. The "target audience" is females between the ages of 9-26. The governor of Texas signed an executive order to forcibily innoculate girls aged 11-12. I'm sure there are some loopholes to exercise so a parent doesn't have to subject their daughter to this but how many parents are doing so? In this age of the sheep most would rather comply than fight back. Meanwhile, New York State Assemblywoman Amy Paulin (D-Scarsdale) has introduced legislation to innoculate school aged girls. Her proposal leaves the Health Department in charge of setting appropriate ages. She highly approves what happened in Texas and says a companion bill will be introduced in the NYS Senate. That may have already happened.

What's the problem with all of this? Forcing people--no matter what age--to be vaccinated is plain Orwellian. Furthermore, Merck the pharmaceutical giant behind the shot, is lobbies lawmakers to pass these laws. At $360 whether your health insurance or Medicaid pays for it, it's money in Merck's pocket. They're also marketing the hell out of this to potential consumers. The Buffalo area Planned Parenthood is leading the charge. A recent Buffalo News article quotes a spokesperson,

"Since the fall, Planned Parenthood's two pediatric care programs have been offering the vaccine to parents for their daughters."We've not had one negative response," said Colleen Schiffhauer, director of medical services. "Every single patient has gotten a vaccine who was in the age group [9 and older]. Not one of the parents of the patients has refused to vaccinate their child." Schiffhauer estimated that the clinic had vaccinated "a couple of hundred" girls so far. Other clinics and private medical practices in the area also have begun offering the vaccine. And in mid-March, Planned Parenthood plans to make the vaccine available at all its clinics so that young women, along with girls, will have access to it."


"We've not had one negative response..." Of course not. Did you fully inform them about it? It's a new vaccine made by the idiots that brought you Vioxx. We know how that went. Can you say "classaction lawsuit"? Did you tell them that according to opensecrets.org, pharmaceutical manufacturing gave over ten million dollars to election campagins in 2006? It's easy to gain full acceptance when you don't provide the facts. Normally I'm very supportive of Planned Parenthood, but not in this case. Call your State Assemblyman or Senator and tell them to just say no to mandated medicine. Let people decide for themselves.

Sprawl Mart

I found the above image on Infowars and I couldn't resist posting it. I'd give credit where credit is due but no creator was listed. Anyway, this image sums up the many things that I hate about Walmart. Nothing like selling patriotic images manufactured by slave labor in foreign countries in a place that is frequented by illegal laborers with their new found "wealth" i.e. more money than they'd make in Mexico. Walmart likes nothing better than to build meccas by using acres of land only to find that they've outgrown the space and that they'd like to relocate to a bigger place. Hamburg, New York is a prime example of this. Dig the portly Buffalo type peeps in the background of the image!

Winter Wunderland

Check it out--nearly 3.5 feet of snow in my hood. Awesome snowshoeing weather! I feel like a little kid on a snow day! Yeah, I dug my shiznit out pretty much by myself. The military neighbor dude chimed in at the end but it was all good.

Nanook of Baaaahflo

What up my peeps? After a long absence I'm back in black. Literally, my long underwear purchased for snowshoeing purposes is black. I just returned from a quick jaunt around the property where I live. The trickiest part is getting the shoes on and off. Once you get moving it's fairly easy. While it's one of the easier winter sports, you definitely heat up fast and you do sweat. Because no one has been out to play in the snow, I had the opportunity to 'break trail' . I loved stomping around in snow. Some of the neighbors peered out their windows to watch. Thankfully I didn't fall on my dupa. I finally realized why I didn't like to go out and play in the snow as a kid, we didn't have the tricked out technology! My long underwear is really thin but super warm. My snowpants are just right--ample insulation and venting slots, not too bulky. And my fleece vest kept me warm. I highly recommend this winter sport. Relatively easy to do and not a major financial investment.

Fabulously Forty

Mad props to my other 40 ouncing Malt Lickas, Spike Rite and Doodles! It's not so bad. I'm sitting in my jammies getting me some freedizzle Scissor Sisters ;-) Can't wait to try "discography" as a search term.

Funny Bflo Blog

Sick minds think alike...

http://www.fishbowlwny.com/

Bravo Mr. Olbermann!

After I told Fry that I finally saw the film "Good Night and Good Luck"she sent me the following. MessyNBC's Keith Olbermann takes dubbya to task on the signing of the Military Commission Act, last week. Click here for the video commentary. When you're done watching it, see how your Senator voted. Then check up on your Congressional representative. If the slimy douchebag voted for this, tell 'em to suck it at the voting booth (if they're running and the booth isn't rigged, thanks Diebold). To think that Congress is wasting time over a closeted gayRepublican pedophile.... They're investigating what they already know while voting our rights away. Nice.

Fighting over Food Stamps

Envy over government subsidies? The following was posted to a local TV station's WNY Storm board on Saturday. A run-on sentence, with spelling errors and without punctuation:

Poster: KIM

Subject: food stamps

I UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH FOOD STAMPS LOST POWER AND FOOD BUT SO DID EVERY ONE I DONT THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AS MUCH PUT BACK ON THEIR BENIFIT CARDS I HEAR SOME PEOPLE SAYING HOW THEY NEVER LOST POWER AND THEY GOT THIS MONEY PUT ON THEIR CARDS NOW FOR MYSELF I WORK HARD FOR MY CHECK AND MY HUSBAND WORKS 2 JOBS AND WE LOST ALL OF OUR FOOD AND I HAVE 2 GIRLS AT HOME AND 3 STEP CHILDREN EVERY OTHER WEEK WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR VISITATION BECAUSE WE CANT FEED THEM IT JUST IS NOT FAIR TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK SO HARD AND LOST SO MUCH


How ghetto! Does she know the qualifying income levels in order to receive aid? Is 'gotten' a word? Five kids...got condoms? Notice that her rant centers on the family feedbag? It prolly includes lots of chips, drank, and Budweiser. She epitomizes the WNY mentality: worry about what others have, don't improve your station in life.

Siriusly Speaking

Okay, I'm over the storm. I tried listening to my favorite late-night "sleepless in Bahflo", radio talk show Coast to Coast AM only to find that WBEN was still in storm mode. Give me a break! Granted, the power outage and damage are major. However, what can be done about it in the middle of the night? Yes, the closing lists are long but you'll run them the morning. On the overnight, break in if/when needed and get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Because my walkman's radio reception was so poor during this storm event, I invested in a decent quality wind-up radio that also runs a light. If I lose power again, I can listen to more responsible programming and/or use the light to read by.

Thankfully, I'm a Sirius radio subscriber. I'll definitely re-up. My unit has a sleep timer for when I'm ready for bed and I'm extremely sick of local radio. My major reason for hooking up with Sirius was Howard Stern. When he's not on live, I delve into the hundreds of channels available. Although I've had it for 10 months, I don't think I've scratched the surface. Here's some of my musical favorites:

• The David Johansen Mansion of Fun (Fridays 3-9 pm EST) on Sirius Disorder, Ch. 24 I try not to miss this show--he plays any and everything, it's exceptional!
• Little Steven's Underground Garage, Channel 25. Who knew Bruce Springsteen protege and Sopranos cast member Steven Van Zant was so cool? A solid DJ line up provides great music.
• Boombox, Channel 34, cool electronica. This is where I first heard Rhymefest featuring Kanye West and "Brand New". Don't forget to make room for the S.O.V., Lady Sovereign that is!

I could keep going but it suffice it to say that local radio's purpose is to cover local news and serve as a conduit during an emergency. The latter is by default, most people don't have battery operated TV sets. If they did, the reception would be awful. Nonetheless, when I look for cool tunes and national/international news, I look to Sirius.

It's the End of the World as We Know it...

Some chump in Clarence, NY got worked in the Columbus Day '06 storm.

Yes, my power was restored. I lost it sometime during the overnight. I freaked a bit because I thought that I'd have to work and was worried about how I was going to get in. I was awake at 5:45 and tortured myself with listening to WBEN. The old time news station that is only useful when a weather event occurs. Unfortunately, they know that's their bread and butter so they resort to "chicken little" reporting to keep mental midgets entertained for hours. All I had was an old school walkman with a radio but its A.M. reception wasn't much. The commercial load was out of control. My employer wasn't mentioned during the 6:30 business closings, which made me worry. After hearing how bad my travel routes were, I began conjuring up reasonable excuses to use emergency personal leave so I wouldn't have to go in. During scenario number 3, the big boss called and told me to keep my styx at home. I stayed in bed because the heat wasn't working and I couldn't make coffee thanks to the cheap bastard landlords and their choice of electric over gas appliances.

I listened to some of the call-in action on WBEN and WNED-AM. Baaaahflo peeps are so funny. They love to bitch and moan and as Paulie Paul said, they enjoy a forum. I heard the goofy (requests that the power suppliers provide regular, real-time repair updates), the ridiculous (woman with infant and no formula, asked for help while boyfriend sits on his ass instead of walking to nearby stores), the sad (woman with nine kids and no food, adults work temp agency jobs and live hand-to-mouth), and the heartbreaking (vacationing pet owner's dog escaped from overnight kennel fire in Buffalo).

One particularly funny call was from an oldster in Sloan, aka Sloania the breakaway Republic of Cheektowaga, who was incensed with WNED-AM because they didn't mention one word about her little village. She declared that they have a Mayor and they're separate from Cheektowaga and went so far as to spell out her village's name (proof of mad skillz?). Please lady, it's an inbred enclave of a really bogus town. Get over yourself. According to the U.S. Census, it's 2.8 sq. mi. across. In 2000, it was 99.7 White, that's almost as pure as Ivory. Only 8 Black peeps were in da hizzy.

The power returned shortly after 1 p.m. I'm glad to know the contents of my freezer will be okay for the most part. I'm happy to have heat, light, and tv. You know that I'm not going near a store as the SUV slobs in search of pop, chips, and beer are wreaking havoc at the nearby Flops Communist Market.

Baaaahflo, WTF?

Loser gets ready for another shitty Baaaahflo winter.

From the National Weather Service...

THE BUFFALO AIRPORT HAD OFFICIALLY RECEIVED 3 INCHES OF SNOW THROUGH 8PM. THIS MAKES OCTOBER 12, 2006 THE THIRD SNOWIEST DAY IN OCTOBER IN 137 YEARS OF WEATHER RECORDS. SIX INCHES OF SNOW OCCURRED ON OCTOBER 13, 1909 AND AGAIN ON OCTOBER 31, 1917.

I've seen everything-- slush, sun, lightning,rain and hail all in one day. My lights are flickering so I'd better make this quick...I wore backless shoes and I did not have a snow brush in my car--I only had a window scaper. I no longer park in a covered lot in downtown Buffalo. I had to pull over on the I-190 to rid the turning mechanism of my windshield wipers of snow/sleet/ice so that they'd work properly. Despite the fact that I cleared it before I left the city. I didn't find any relief until I hit the southern portion of Eeeerie County. Incredible. Why do I live here?

The Puffer

I never had the chance to discuss the Transportation Safety Administration's latest terrorist prevention gizmo. I experienced this on my way to Los Angeles via the Buffalo Niagara International Airport. It was about 4:30 a.m. and myself and others were told to go through the recently installed "Puffer". My sensibilities were offended as it was so early in the morning and I had a roundtrip ticket but I cooperated otherwise I wouldn't be able to fly.
Stepping into the machine made me feel as if I were in a high-tech science fiction movie. It blew air up my skirt but not Marilyn Monroe style. Nonetheless, it gave me the willies as I felt very invaded. I looked down while it did its thing. Perhaps I was just too impatient but it seemed to be taking too long. I didn't want to look up because I didn't want it capturing images of me. Don'tcha know, as soon as I looked up within two seconds, the door opened. I'm sure that's been added to my permanent record card.

In light of the propaganda oriented event in London a couple of weeks ago, Buffalonians (along with other Americans) feel compelled to turn over their privacy to Big Brother in the name of "protection". Here's an excerpt of a letter from today's paper:

Real people and free people need to decide if it is more important to be inconvenienced by travel without liquids and gels or risk the lives of thousands. Much to the credit of Americans, they are being cooperative in light of developments in the United Kingdom. How will they behave a week from now? Or a month from now? Or, I hesitate to think, five years from now?
When will we wake up to the reality of this terrorist threat?

Look dude, this is probably another trumped up event just to make everyone capitulate to less privacy so that governmental entities can pick through your panties (literally). Think about it. They've banned liquids and gels, with the exception of medical items/devices so you can't remove your contacts if you need to or adjust your falsies if you're transgendered. But as so rightly put on today's Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR we can still bring laptops with exploding batteries aboard commercial flights. Give me a break!

Btw, if you wan't to see what's next on the agenda, click here. Read the CASPIAN press release here.

Literacy and Longing in Buffalo

A recent phone interaction with a patron left me so irritated. The caller said that she read a review of a book, something about literacy in L.A.. When asked if it was fiction, non-fiction she wasn't sure. She didn't know who the author was. No biggie, it happens all the time. The review recently appeared in the Buffalo News, "you know...nothing too obscure." I replied with a slight laugh that the News doesn't do obscure too well. Crickets. Irreverent comments not appreciated. Okay, I can deal with that. As I searched, the caller lamented over the difficulty of obtaining newer titles thanks to Erie County's financial mess. I sympathized with her as I identified the title. I checked the record in a database that would tell me if it was fiction or non-fiction. As I did so, she continued on about the lack of a streamlined process to help her request new titles.(If the Library doesn't own something, a request can't be issued until a record appears in the catalog.) Again, I empathized and explained how I would go about directing her request. It's a new title and reviewed locally. Although Literacy and Longing in L.A. looked like typical, cheesy chick lit, the genre has its readers and it's the Library's mission/responsibility to serve a variety of interests. Although I rarely do it because I'm usually rebuffed, she sounded like she might be amenable to a suggestion of calling her County Legislator to voice her concerns over the lack of library funding. I should have asked her to never again purchase or eat Bison Chip Dip. She practically screamed bloody murder as she told me that she's not a County or State worker and that she pays her taxes, there's too many libraries, and it doesn't affect me. I replied that it does affect her because she's not getting the materials that she wants!! I informed her that we need people to advocate for the Library. Who wouldn't want to advocate for the Library? (I don't think she understood what 'advocate' meant--especially in context to contacting a lawmaker) A lot of politicians give lip service to libraries but they don't want to put their money where their mouth is. Of course, I couldn't be that honest and not get called out for it so I said, "you'd be surprised". She really set me off when she said, "Well, I can go to Barnes and Noble...blah, blah, blah." Hey twat face! Guess what? A public library is a communal institution that is for the benefit of everyone. Barnes and Noble, while a decent chain bookstore, is only for the benefit of those who can afford it and the stockholders who own it. Ultimately it came down to the caller saying that contacting a politician wouldn't do any good. I said that it would. She disagreed so I said, "Let's agree to disagree." and left her with my euphimistic FUCK YOU of "have a nice day" said in a syrupy tone before I hung up.

Do not tie up my phone with "Wah, wah, wah, wah...." I offer a sensible solution of what amounted to "please voice your concern to those who are supposed to adequately fund a public library" and you go off on me as if I told you to get your head out of your ass (which is what I should have done).
What she didn't get is that there is strength in numbers. The library's funding took a serious hit and lawmakers need to know the consequences from the customers not the employees. I actually sympathize with the caller's feelings of powerlessness. However, it's better to register an opinion/complaint with those who can remedy a situation rather than those who've been victimized by it. Library employees have very little control over the amount of money received. Legislators and the County Executive decide on funding.
Anyway, it's better to go down fighting than to roll over and take it. At least you've had your say. I can only imagine if I would've asked that old snatch to *write* a letter...

Local Ghouling

I had the opportunity to check out the new Rick James headstone with Paulie Paul and Pavs who made a special guest star appearance in the B-lo this week-end. Unbeknownst to me, an article appeared in the Sunday Bahflo News detailing the work. It's made of granite from Vermont (my grandma's home state) and weighs two tons. It's in Forest Lawn Cemetery near the Delaware Ave "S" curves and the Scajaquada Expressway.
I didn't see the article until I returned home late on Sunday. I wondered how P&P music factory knew details. We visited on the second anniversary of his death. I would link to the article but the cheap prick known as Warren Buffet only allows ten days of free access to articles before he starts charging. If you're local, use your library card and try the "Custom Newspapers" database from the library's Web site.
On an unrelated matter, I hit Wegmans earlier today and grabbed some viddles. I was truly appalled when I stumbled upon Diabetic Living magazine at the checkout. A health problem has become so prevalent it's a "lifestyle"? Always looking to cash in, the subscription Web site describes Diabetic Living...

Diabetic Living magazine provides lifestyle information and recipes that diabetic readers of all ages can use everyday to lead normal, active lives. Content includes delicious recipes designed for diabetics, nutrition tips, exercise hints, health information, and the latest recommendations for diabetes care. The editorial mix is 65 percent recipes, 20 percent exercise, and 15 percent general health. Isn't it funny how the thing that brings many to a diabetes diagnosis is the focal point of the magazine? Too bad they don't have "Diabetes Prevention" magazine where useless eaters can get schooled on how not to drain the health care system.

Fun with Jackson Pollock

Remember that "Stumble" feature I told you about on the Foxfire browser? I found the coolest Web page--it allows you to paint like Jackson Pollock! Hold the alcohol fueled tantrums.

Quote of the week comes from Riley Martin who I listened to last night while indulging in the product, "Targzissians are obviously reptilians." Stern and Martin are so much funnier when under the influence.

Puck-ding!

Baaahflo native Ani DiFranco is in a fambly way--she announced the news at a NOW convention. Work it out, child, no pun intented.

Parking Lot Drama

So I dropped into Flops Communist Stupid Markets to get a few quick items to tide me over until I can properly get my shop on at Smegmans (loves me some smegs). I grabbed a couple of pasta salads that didn't look too repulsive and some strawberries that are on sale. I paid for them in the express lane where an ignorant smell phone user was utilizing every extra free minute on his smellular plan during the transaction. Although annoying it was no big deal.

I left and traipsed through the parking lot. As I've said many times before, I intentionally park further out because I don't like clusterfucks. I was walking through when a car backed out slowly. The driver was looking to her right but not to her left--where I walking. She continued pulling out not looking. If I hadn't paid attention, she would've hit me. I walked around the front of her car as she continued pulling out and said rather loudly into her open window, "You should look before you drive." Of course, I knew she'd have to get her 10 cents in so I was prepared. She drove by and in her best passive/agressive Baaaahflo way she said, "I did look." Rather than engage her and point out what she did wrong just to hear her tires squeal, I snarled, "Lick me!" and kept walking. I've been so well-behaved lately that I must've had a Pink Floyd "Momentary Lapse of Reason". I wasn't proud or humored by my reaction. I was just so frustrated by her actions. I realized that this broad was trapped in a sea of SUV's and probably couldn't see very well. But on the other hand, you can't see well if you don't actually *look* before you leap!!

So in honor of this half-witted Baaaaflonian schluburbanite, here's some Crystal Myth clues:

1. Park far away from the store. Lots of stuff to schlep to your car? Use a cart. Raining? As my grandma used to say, "You won't melt". Parking further away necessitates walking. Walking= exercise. The good folks in Pueblo, Colorado have more tips.
2. Pull into a spot so you don't have to back out. This sometimes takes some manuevering but it's well worth it. You don't have to worry about potentially hitting somebody or something because your vehicle is in an awkward position.
3. Instead of seeing people as people, think of them as "baloney sandwiches". Thanks to Harry Ballicker's wisdom when we were kids, those keywords keep me focused. If you hit and injure or kill someone, by the time their "estate" is done with you, you'll be eating baloney on white into eternity. Better to be safe than sorry and look before you drive, biznitch!


Class de-smissed!

Knarly!

Eeeew!! BJ is so not down...just icky!

Suspect

Use caution if you encounter this buck toofed hillybilly. He may be accompanied by this woman:

She has been known to smoke Lark cigarettes and have several children fathered by three different rednecks nipping at her heels.

Isn't it funny that even in the animated world of the Simpsons there are symbols of ill mannered, skeevy trailer park peeps? Thanks to white trash drama courtesy of the asshole(s) who robbed me,I wasted 1.5 hours reporting the fraud to the bank and the police. I will have any money in my account reimbursed. I had to get new digits and accoutrement. I'm sure the losers won't be caught. There's a remote chance if they bought one of those disposable phones at the Verizon Wireless store but I doubt it. All in all it could've been a lot worse. Lessons pertaining to vigilance duly noted.

I Wuz Robbed!

Holy hoodwinked Batman! Home Squirrel got rolled!!! I returned home just before 7 pm and hit the mailbox. I sorted through its contents and found a rather thin statement from my bank. I wondered what was up. It didn't feel like a regular statement, it felt like a fee for some transgression. I opened the envelope and found a grand total that was out of character for my normal banking habits. The amounts listed were numbers that I didn't recognize and I was charged several overdraft fees. I began heating up a veggie burger and sat down at the computer to access my account. I clicked on the largest amount and much to my horror, I found a check with a man's name on it but my routing and account numbers. The check was issued to an out-of-state bank. In the meantime, I had my bank on the blower. I went through automated message hell as I panicked realizing that either a major mistake happened or I was the victim of fraud. They didn't put the fraud hotline number on their message until the very end. How stupid! Nonetheless, I called the number and tried to calmly explain what was going on. As I waited for the customer service rep, I scrolled through the other transactions. Apparently, the douchebag(s) went to several grocery stores, a Verizon Wireless outlet, and motherfuckin' Walmart and either used my digits to get cash or buy things. They also went to something called Sheetz. Call me a stereotyper but from the looks of the Web site, I'm dealing with some serious cracker trash. Furthermore, I learned through my own search that the bank named on the fradulent checks merged with another nearly five years ago. A "hard hold" has been placed on my account. On Monday I'll have to sign an affidavit of forgery. I don't know how this works but I hope that they'll return any money that I lost. All I know is they can take their overdraft charges and shove them up their ass if they even attempt to collect. I don't think they will. I had only one outstanding check and I contacted that person and told them what happened. But I feel like I've been invaded. I need to change all account numbers associated with the bank. My feeling is that either their database was compromised by design flaw or an employee was handing out live account numbers to someone who was slapping them on checks from a defunct bank. Anyway, I'm not sure if I need to do fraud alerts with the creditors or what? Do they have other info on me or just that? Weigh in if you're experienced. I never checked my account everyday. I'd check it often but now that this has happened, you can bet I'll make that part of my routine. If I had done so, I would've caught this a lot sooner.

Representin'

Got my fins out of bed around at 8 and drove my styx to the gym (aka Sally Maxi Pad--part of national chain with two skankalicous locations in the Baaahflo area). As I strolled in, I saw my Congressman, Brian Higgins, working my favorite back machine. For a paper pusher, he's in pretty decent shape although he ought to tone down the chest muscles as they're a bit disproportionate to his overall physique. Anyhoo, last night I met up with Mike Rite and Doo-kay to see An Inconvenient Truth. Al Gore's attempt to school the S.U.V. driving masses that global warming ain't no bullshit. I wasn't sure if I'd like Gore's presentation but I did. When he campaigned for President, his speech delivery was very Reverend Lovejoy from the Simpsons. Because he doesn't have much to lose and seemingly knows his subject well, it was an enjoyable presentation. He got his barbs in but more importantly he made succinct points with well-chosen visuals to show how we're harming the environment. I don't think it will win best documenatry but I'll bet it will be nominated by the Academy. Back to my Congressman...I didn't want to bother him with a number of issues that I could've yammered on about e.g. the Patriot Act, Net Neutrality, rubbery flubbery out of shape Buffalonians, etc. I decided to recommend the Gore film to him but only if the opportunity presented itself. There' s nothing worse than looking like an attention starved local yokel. I finished the treadmill and I was getting supplies to wipe it down when he approached. Higgins just came off the "Butt Buster" (yes, it exists. the trademark was abandoned 10 years ago. the documentation includes this disclaimer: NO CLAIM IS MADE TO THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO USE "BUTT" APART FROM THE (trade) MARK AS SHOWN, i.e. butt buster) and was catching his breath.

I took off my I-Pad earpieces and said, "I won't bother you while you're not working but have you seenthe movie An Inconvenient Truth?" He puffed at me, "No, I haven't." I smiled and gazed quickly at his lower torso--his feet were in the exit position. Knowing my time was limited I said, "Do so." He smiled back and said, "Thank you" and made a quick getaway. He was probably surprised that someone recognized him--locals don't pay much attention. He was probably more surprised that Baahflo peeps show up at the gym.

I know, the California photo essay is overdue, I'll get to it...

Postcard from L.A.

Reporting live from L.A.... I feel like Louella Parsons minus the scoop. The only one that I can provide is what I've seen thus far.

To backtrack...getting out of Bahflo at ungodly hour is such a pain in the dupa! I left my suburban digs at 3:40 in the a.m. so that I could get through security and to the gate. I had the joy of experiencing the "puffer". More on that later but suffice it to say, "Welcome to the Matrix".

Washington Dulles is not the place to land if you're staying in D.C. It's just too far away. I learned that from past experience. For connecting with your flight, it's okay. I didn't eat much before leaving so I found a "Annie's Pretzels" franchise that didn't have a major line. The Wendy's next door was just teeming with people so AP won by default. I ordered a cinnamon sugar pretzel, which in Billy Fucillo terms was HUUUUUUUGGGGGE. It was also dipped in butter and laden with cinnamon sugar goodness. Could home girl get a small bag or napkin with her purchase? Apparently not. I thought I could get a napkin from the condiment area but I was out of luck. I tried to ask the counter help but it was all instant line, add water.Thankfully, Wendy's had plenty so I swiped one from them.

Driving in L.A. is wild. As Fry says, peeps are way unpredictable with lane changes and exits. It's more trying when you've been up since 3 eastern time and you don't know you're way around. I managed but I did end up at the Queen Mary in Long Beach a little earlier than I anticipated. Its interior is just goregous. A living example of fine art deco. I took photos and will post when I get back.

As you know, I'm getting my ghoul on today! I also plan on hitting an In and Out burger. Paulie Paul is way down with 'em and the flight attendant that I talked to on my first flight is from Long Beach and insisted that I go there. Rock on!

La La The Tragical History Tour

I'm so pumped! Hell's yeah I'm underemployed but I'm goin' back to Cali, Cali...stylin', realizin'....oh sorry...
I needed a change of a scenery and it just so happens that Alex Jones is having a boowah fest next week-end in Los Angeles. With Karen and Fry from France in the 'hood, it was a good opportunity so I got my Carpe Diem on and I'm Audi 5K.
I guess you could call this my "throwing caution to the wind on a budget" tour. I managed to get decent air/car rental prices. Karen and Fry are allowing me to crash at their joint. Every little bit helps. I'll have some "me" time while the goils are working it so I decided to book a Dearly Departed Tour. I wasn't going to do it but then I reconsidered after realizing that I don't get out that way too often. If you're going to do something, you might as well do it all the way. I'm really excited! I think I just talked to Scott Michaels who's the owner/operator of the business. He's a serious ghoul hound or as he refers to those of who enjoy dead celeb culture, a death hag. It's all about the celebrity death beeper. Anyway, Michaels also runs Find A Death so I hope he leads the tour because he has to be a font of macabre celebrity knowledge. I'll let you know how my ghoul bonding went.
Nonetheless, it's been a crazy week and I have loose ends to tie up before I bolt. Peace out if I don't squawk to you soon.

Me 1 Telemarketer 0

Like so many others, I'm on the federal and state do not call lists. Of course, some "charities" are allowed to call thanks to the loopholes that the laws provide. I was listening to a program on my I Pod (via the stereo) and doing things around my place when the phone rang. Thinking that it was French Fry I picked up the phone only to be greeted with noise then "Hello is Mrs. so and so in?" To a single chick such as myself the Mrs. is a red flag and a cue to have some fun. I replied, "Who's calling?"
The telemarketer tried to launch into her spiel..."I'm not selling anything. I'm Denise and I'm calling from the blah blah Diabetes Association..."

With a serious but annoyed tone, I replied, "Oh, no thanks, I don't want any diabetes." As I hung up the phone, I cackled and said, "I rock."

Bear is a Puzzy

Pookie kickin' ass, reminds me of Spike Rite's sister's late cat Misty who wanted to beat up the neighbor's dog. See the big wubby for yourself here.

Net Non-Neutrality

I've been on a Web hiatus of sorts. I've been enjoying the improving weather, getting reacquainted with exercise, and vacation came to end sending me back to the wonders of underemployment. "Wonder" as in how-long-can-I-keep-this-going? Things are tight but all in all if there's a time not to be trapped in a cubicle, it's summer time in Bahflo.

As a side note, my "archives" for this blog don't seem to be working right. I'll need computer tech Spike Rite's assitance. I reviewed the template and saw that there's a reference to their existence. They're just not showing up. Prolly cuz I have too much shiznit on the left margin.

I'm really pissed off about the C.O.P.E. bill vote in Congress that took place on Thursday. It's the telecom industry's way of dictating how they provide access to content. Simply put, if they can't make any money from Web sites and portals, why make it easy to get to? My congressman voted in favor of this legislation. He'll hear from me on Monday. Here's a pertinent excerpt of the House Report on this legislation. Pay attention to the red text. If you're keeping score it's House Report 109-470, part 2 of 2 - COMMUNICATIONS OPPORTUNITY, PROMOTION, AND ENHANCEMENT ACT OF 2006

THE BILL (C.O.P.E.) FAILS TO PRESERVE THE FREE, OPEN AND INNOVATIVE INTERNET

The Internet was born out of taxpayer-funded projects starting in the 1960's. The pioneering use of `packet-switching,' as opposed to traditional circuit-switching, also underscored a key founding feature of the nascent Internet, namely, that of open architecture networking. As an open architecture network, packets could traverse various independent networks from various providers to reach their destinations. In short, this meant that the Internet itself was not `owned' by anyone.

In 1991, the U.S. Government decided to take this Federal network and permit its commercialization. The astounding growth of the Internet since that time is a tribute to the fact that its open architecture permitted individuals to innovate, invest, exchange ideas, and traffic on a nondiscriminatory basis. This, in turn, fostered yet greater expansion of the Internet.

From 1991 to August of 2005, the Internet's nondiscriminatory nature was also protected from being compromised by historic communications laws that required such nondiscriminatory treatment by telecommunications carriers. In other words, no commercial telecommunications carrier could engage in discriminatory conduct regarding Internet traffic and Internet access because it was prohibited by law. The Telecommunications Act of 1996, by removing barriers to greater competition, induced the rapid introduction of broadband service across the country, with a concomitant growth in Internet access and activity.

These broadband networks have become the lifeblood of our digital economy. They also hold the promise of promoting further innovation in and creation of new markets and technologies, applications and services, jobs, and furthering the widespread dissemination of educational, civic, and cultural information across communities and societies. The worldwide leadership that the U.S. provides in high technology is directly related to the government-driven policies over decades which have ensured that telecommunications networks are open to all lawful uses and all users. The Internet, which is accessible every day to more and more Americans on such broadband networks, was also founded upon an open architecture protocol and as a result it has provided low barriers to entry for that unleashed, explosive growth of web-based content, applications, and services.

In August of 2005, however, the Federal Communications Commission re-classified broadband access to the Internet in a way that removed such legal protections. It did not take long for the telecommunications carriers to respond to that decision. Just a few months later, the Chairman of then-SBC Communications made the following statement in a November 7 Business Week interview: `Now what they [Google, Yahoo, MSN] would like to do is use my pipes free, but I ain't going to let them do that because we have spent this capital and we have to have a return on it. So there's going to have to be some mechanism for these people who use these pipes to pay for the portion they're using. * * *'

In a December 1, 2005, Washington Post article, a BellSouth executive indicated that his company wanted to strike deals to give certain Web sites priority treatment in reaching computer users. The article noted this would `significantly change how the Internet operates' and that the BellSouth executive said `his company should be allowed to charge a rival voice-over-Internet firm so that its service can operate with the same quality as BellSouth's offering.' Meaning, that if the rival firm did not pay, or was not permitted to pay for competitive reasons, its service presumably would not `operate with the same quality' as BellSouth's own product.

Finally, on January 6, 2006, the CEO of Verizon, in an address to the Consumer Electronics Show, also indicated that Verizon would now be the corporate arbiter of how traffic would be treated when he said the following: `We have to make sure [content providers] don't sit on our network and chew up our capacity.'

The corrosion of historic policies of nondiscrimination by the imposition of artificial bottlenecks by broadband network owners endangers economic growth, innovation, job creation, and First Amendment freedom of expression on such networks. Broadband network owners should not be able to determine who can and who cannot offer services over broadband networks or over the Internet. The detrimental effect to the digital economy would be quite severe if such conduct were permitted and became widespread. The COPE Act permits such conduct and as a result, puts the Internet in jeopardy.

It has been suggested that the telecom industry was given this Congressional victory in exchange for its cooperation on nationwide surveillance matters with the feds. Amy Goodman from Democracy Now made this observation on her June 9th program. You can watch or listen to this program online. Once again, sold down the river for the highest bidder. For more information see Save the Internet